How do you make yours work?

[big_girls_rock]

When I was younger I was in a LDR and though it lasted for about four years and though we are still really good friends I ened the relationship because of the distance. Now almost four years later Im back into doing the LDR thing again but this time its not so bad. My bf and I actually grew up right next to eachother in defferent towns and we even know the same people but what blows my mind is that we actually met online. We started off as online buddies until he started to get an interest in me, I handed over the cell number and everything took off from there. I moved from where I was raised to Virginia before we started talking and he lives near my hometown so whenever I go to visit my family I always stop by and spend the day with him. From the time we met we hit it off and then not long after we started dating.

 

 

Since so many women have done him wrong its hard for me to show him that I am different. The only way I can prove to him that I am different is by showing him but its sooo hard ( and Im sure you all know this ) because one- he has been hurt by women and two- we are in a long distance relationship and so its harder for him to be able to trust me completely because Im 8 hrs. away.

 

What I want to know is- for those of you dealing with the distance- what do you do to hold that bf and gf bond while being so far away. Does anyone have any tips or pointers? Mainly I just want tips on making the time for eachother like with meetings and such. Thanks and good luck with your LDR!

 

Rachel:love:

[confused _one]

The thing with long distance relationships is you have to think of a time when the long distance will end me and my current bf have been going 2 years and are stronger than ever. Im moving to Calgary in June

 

The phone keeps this alive

Emails

Flights back and forth to see eachother

and you must have a limit or it could go on forever

 

Its tough long distance but you gotta do what you gotta do and for us is was tough it out till we could be together. Hope all goes well

[big_girls_rock]

The thing with long distance relationships is you have to think of a time when the long distance will end me and my current bf have been going 2 years and are stronger than ever. Im moving to Calgary in June

 

The phone keeps this alive

Emails

Flights back and forth to see eachother

and you must have a limit or it could go on forever

 

Its tough long distance but you gotta do what you gotta do and for us is was tough it out till we could be together. Hope all goes well

 

 

 

Thanks for replying to my post.

 

I see- but I don't understand what you meant by " having to think of a time when the LDR will end? " Maybe I could help you with this one- I don't plan on moving back home anytime soon and Im not into the whole moving in with my bf- ( morals ) soooo thinking about it ending is wayyy ahead of my time since I don't plan on moving back home.

[MissD213]

i'm in a 2 yr LDR right now. it's pretty tough but it can work. i've surfed the web and all that many times and read all those LDR's cant work but as long as you two try it will. my bf and i call eachother many times throughout the day, even if we have nothing to say..just calling to say hello. we both pretty much know our typical routines so there's not much to worry about. i've randomlly showed up at his house without him knowing for a surprise. although you live a few hours farther than i do to my bf, if you really wanted to there are ways to show eachother you're willing to work for it dont give up. i didn't, my mother and friends thought we'd be done within a week but now everyone refers to us as a married couple even though we're no where near that stage haha

 

good luck!

[Olivia M Gayle]

Hello – First you need to make sure the guy is truly a good guy. His complaints about being treated wrong by multiple other women sounds a little suspicious. Has he been treated wrong or does he just blame the women when the relationship ends and not take responsibilty for his own actions?

 

Next, Communication is the key. Get to really know each other, not just past relationships, but everything. How often do you talk on the phone? Who usually initiates the calls? Do you have a cell phone? Does it have free nights and weekends? If not, I've heard that some calling cards, etc are pretty good. My friend uses Onesuite to call her honey a lot in Texas.

 

Finally, spend as much actual time together as possible. How frequently do you see each other? It's easy to get along with someone for fleeting romantic weekends, etc but that's not really getting to know the day to day of a person. What are your goals with this guy? Are you looking to eventually move to the same location? If he's just a romantic penpal, that's nice, but you should also look for someone locally to have a real day to day relationship.

 

Good luck! Have fun and stay safe!

[big_girls_rock]

Thanks you two for all your help. To answer some of your questions Olivia he usually initiates the calls and yes I have a cell phone that does have free nights and weekeneds which is when we mainly talk. We talk everyday even just o hear eachother's voives and to say hello- we even stay on the phone sometimes without saying a word. He's just has been hurt a lot in his past relationships- I think he wears his heart on his sleeves and the girls he has dated just took advantage of him. I realllyy like him but though I have never cheated before ( and neither has he ) I don't want to be the one to break his heart. So if we honestly broke up I wouldn't know what to do but I will worry about that if that day ever comes. We both are planning days in which we can visit eachother and I plan on going back home to visit at the begining of februrary ( his birthday which he is really excited about ). He lives like two minutes away from my hometown so I will always be back to visit. Thanks again and good luck to you guys also!

[Lil Honey]

BGR: I'm in an LDR as well (for over two years now). If I drive 80 and only stop for food, gas and to pee all at the same stop, it's "only" nine hours between us. (He doesn't drive the distance, so his time varies.)

 

Both my guy and I have been hurt before (who hasn't?) and so we were leery of trusting someone. We actually knew about each other, knew each other's personalities a bit, were friendly, etc., before getting into our relationship.

 

I think the way to show someone that you are sincere and care about him is to be yourself, be honest, be respectful and write/talk/behave in a caring/loving way, from your heart. Communication is always important - in any relationship.

 

We keep our relationship going by emailing daily, phone calls daily, and using three-day holiday weekends to our advantage (and by adding a day off work on the beginning and on the end of the three-day weekends ).

 

I think that what was said about "knowing when it will end" was meant to have a plan to be with each other in a "regular" relationship. Meaning having a plan to end the distance between the two of you.

 

Good luck.