Past lovers

[Eric]

Okay, here's the deal. I'm with my fiance, we've been together for nine months now. Early in the relationship, we decided that it would be better to keep our past lovers out of our current life.

 

I hung out with someone I had known for a few years that I had been sexual with, and she had a couple similar friends. Call us insecure, whatever, we just stopped associating with them. Thats fine.

 

Anyhow, its been nine months, and everythings great, but tonight. She said, "Since we're being honest, I have something to admit". Ruh Roh. "I've been talking with Bob(ficticious name of a past lover) for a bit lately and I've made plans to go out to lunch with him next week". I dunno, I didnt take that too well. After all, we had made an agreement, didnt we? And I had ditched my friend, thats done with now.

 

Now this person, Bob. This good friend that she needs to have back in her life. This person whom she never spent any time with, never called, etc. Anyway, I'm trying to say he isnt this 'hardcore friend' she's trying to portray him as. So I dont get why she's choosing to bring him back into her life. Oh yeah, she mentioned that he's leaving for the peace corps in a couple weeks.

 

Another thing. Earlier she asked me if I was actually willing to be faithful to her for my life. She told me she was feeling insecure. Maybe I'm jumping to conclusions, but its been my experience that the guilty try to point the finger elsewhere to make themselves seem more innocent. We spent the earlier part of the day talking about me, and how she needs to be able to trust me, then at night, tells me she wants to hang out with a friend, turned lover, turned ex again.

 

Okay, anyhow, she's pissed at me for being pissed and is sleeping on the couch. And I'm probably not making alot of sense, I'm kinda tired. I'm just looking for a couple of outside perspectives.

 

If you've read this far, thanks

 

-Eric

[Tony T]

If you had an agreement to keep past lovers out of your current relationship, a deal's a deal. If she can't keep her word, here's your early warning sign. Take it for that which it is meant.

 

You have just learned that her word is no good. I wouldn't want a woman in my life who couldn't keep agreements.

 

Now, if Bob was some new buddy she found at work or something, I wouldn't think too much about it. But apparently she sought him out or they sought each other out from the past and that is a very clear breach of the contract you made with her. You might also find out why, all of a sudden, is she in such need of having Bob back in her life.

 

Just tell her straight out, if she can't keep the agreement then there is no basis for a relationship. Relationships are all about trust and honoring one's word.

 

Sounds like it's over to me. Relationships are hard enough without having a partner whose word is worthless.

[Miss Mojo]

hi eric,

 

why exactly has your girlfriend gone against her word? you guys made an agreement, and now she's treating that agreement as though it is null and void. i think that's a pretty crappy thing to do to a person, especially considering her history with him, your agreement and the fact that you are engaged.

 

what really stood out more than anything in your post is the following:-

 

a) you're ENGAGED and she's not sure if she can TRUST you.....huh??? thata makea no sensa....how you can possibly take a relationship to this level without full trust????

 

b) she sounds very insecure...."will you always be faithful to me"...."i need to know if i can trust you". whoah, let me tell you...the insecure ones are NOT the easiest people to be with. there's always an issue cropping up here and there and they're always looking for reassurance of sorts. it can get quite exhausting.

 

this just does not sound like the most solid of engagements. i also can't believe she is pissed off with YOU(!!!!!!???) because SHE went AGAINST the AGREEMENT that the two of you made....all this when you are engaged. she has trust issues, yet she does things for you to doubt your trust in her....what is she thinking??????!

 

yes, she should be the one to sleep on the couch, because you are not the one who has done anything wrong here. i'd be onto her quick smart as to why she thinks she has a right to be pissed off when you two made a mutual agreement that she has so conveniently gone against.

 

best wishes

[Tony T]

YOU WRITE: "??? thata makea no sensa...."

 

Areuh youuh makinn funnh ovva Italians widda thissa sentence?

 

You know what we can do???

[midori]

Hi Eric,

 

You & your gf had a deal, which she reneged on. She ought to be able to provide a rationale for doing so that you find satisfactory. She hasn't. And that's something she should be concerned about.

 

You might have a point about infidelity: her bringing it up was appropos of what? Maybe her own guilty conscience.

 

From what you've said it sounds like your gf needs to get her priorities straight and act accordingly. Having a temper tantrum in response to your justified questions and anger is very selfish and childish. If she can't come clean about what's really going on and why then I think you might want to reconsider your future with her.

 

Good luck.

[Miss Mojo]

hehe....nah, sono justa reliving mya tripa to firenze. italian's are-a greata!!!

 

You know what we can do???

 

ummm.....hope it doesn't involve a horse head in my bed???!

 

ciao ciao giovane tony!!!

[sparkle]

...you should slip the engagement ring off her hand, if you gave her one.

 

This is not the woman you want to be engaged to. You can do better.