Why would this trigger this kind of reaction.

[Kassieee]

An ex boyfriend grabbed me and punched in the face because I called him out for having sex with his "best friend". We were sitting on the sofa, he was on the sofa across from me and I said " you had sex with ______". He got up, grabbed my collar and punched me in the face. His friend told me this information.

I guess after all they were actually friends with benefits. I didn't think much of it because she was in his life before me, she has had a long term boyfriend and actually had a baby with him during our relationship so I genuinely thought they were just friends. 

His reaction is just bizzare to me....I wish you could see his facial expression...it's like he was embarrassed and couldn't stand to hear me say it .he told me "shut up"! With shame in his face. I wasn't rude I was calm when I called him out so why was his reaction so over the top?

[basil67]

Accusing people of things generally doesn't end well.  Why did you feel this was any of your business?

 

[Kassieee]

2 hours ago, basil67 said:

Accusing people of things generally doesn't end well.  Why did you feel this was any of your business?

 

Because he was my bf at the time.

I should have said my now ex bf. It was late when I posted this and tired.

Edited August 30 by SlimShadysWife

[mark clemson]

I mean - the reason is that you made him feel bad and so he physically attacked you. It may be a convergence of things, not just the sleeping with the friend.

He might consider or experience your quip as a sort of emotional abuse or "attack" on him. He sounds like the sort of person who doesn't have good social skills when it comes to "defending himself" and/or "counter-attacking" verbally, so he jumps to the physical.

You seem to be presenting the punching you in a very matter-of-fact way. Not sure how typical this sort of thing might be in your social circles, but I'd suggest you consider moving on and far away from any folks who consider this sort of thing (physically assaulting a woman) normal if that's possible/makes sense for your situation.

Edited August 30 by mark clemson

[NuevoYorko]

This has got to be one of the weirdest questions ever asked here, which is saying a lot.

The guy is violent and dangerous. That's the answer to "why."  He could be put in jail for this. I would have thought everybody would be cognizant of this.    So why are you looking for more of an answer than this?   

OK.  Now on to you.  What on earth were you thinking.  Not because you could have got your teeth knocked out - but it's definitely "no go" territory, absolutely none of your business,  and just plain way out of order.   

Stop trespassing on peoples' privacy where you don't belong.  

And if you generally hang out with guys who will punch someone in the face simply because the person is clueless, rude, and annoying, then you need to get different friends or your face won't last long.  

[Els]

I'm not sure what sort of answer you're expecting from us. Obviously, violent people are violent people. You don't even seem shook up about getting punched(!!), which clearly suggests to me that this behaviour of his isn't exactly new to you. Otherwise, you'd be afraid for your life and you'd be talking to the police, not LS.

So, that brings us to the real question: Why are you sitting on the sofa of an ex-boyfriend whom you already know to be violent, presumably alone with him, and talking to him about his sex life?

[Els]

24 minutes ago, NuevoYorko said:

And if you generally hang out with guys who will punch someone in the face simply because the person is clueless, rude, and annoying, then you need to get different friends or your face won't last long.  

Right?! Never have I ever seen anyone respond to a punch so nonchalantly....

Edited August 30 by Els

[Kassieee]

55 minutes ago, NuevoYorko said:

This has got to be one of the weirdest questions ever asked here, which is saying a lot.

The guy is violent and dangerous. That's the answer to "why."  He could be put in jail for this. I would have thought everybody would be cognizant of this.    So why are you looking for more of an answer than this?   

OK.  Now on to you.  What on earth were you thinking.  Not because you could have got your teeth knocked out - but it's definitely "no go" territory, absolutely none of your business,  and just plain way out of order.   

Stop trespassing on peoples' privacy where you don't belong.  

And if you generally hang out with guys who will punch someone in the face simply because the person is clueless, rude, and annoying, then you need to get different friends or your face won't last long.  

he was my boyfriend at the time, and how's it trespassing when I was invited in. But go off.

[Kassieee]

46 minutes ago, Els said:

Right?! Never have I ever seen anyone respond to a punch so nonchalantly....

How does one act shook online. Omg!! I got punched!!!...? How's acting shook online helpful? Questioning people on how they should be reacting is weird, and not helpful.

Edited August 30 by SlimShadysWife

[Kassieee]

51 minutes ago, Els said:

I'm not sure what sort of answer you're expecting from us. Obviously, violent people are violent people. You don't even seem shook up about getting punched(!!), which clearly suggests to me that this behaviour of his isn't exactly new to you. Otherwise, you'd be afraid for your life and you'd be talking to the police, not LS.

So, that brings us to the real question: Why are you sitting on the sofa of an ex-boyfriend whom you already know to be violent, presumably alone with him, and talking to him about his sex life?

He was my bf at the time. I asked mods to edit, they haven't yet. I didn't know he was violent before this. Should ask before assume.

[Els]

2 minutes ago, SlimShadysWife said:

He was my bf at the time. I asked mods to edit, they haven't yet. I didn't know he was violent before this. Should ask before assume.

Huh, so this happened in the distant past? How long ago was that?

Your post absolutely does not indicate in any way that this happened a long time ago. Nobody is going to ask on every single post in the forum whether the incident is recent or 10 years ago.

Quote

How does one act shook online. Omg!! I got punched!!!...? How's acting shook online helpful? Questioning people on how they should be reacting is weird, and not helpful.

Generally by saying something like "I was shocked and went to the police"?

[Kassieee]

17 minutes ago, Els said:

Huh, so this happened in the distant past? How long ago was that?

Your post absolutely does not indicate in any way that this happened a long time ago. Nobody is going to ask on every single post in the forum whether the incident is recent or 10 years ago.

Generally by saying something like "I was shocked and went to the police"?

How's expressing that I was shook- the word you used an important piece information for the OP. You said I was nonchalant in my post...I think as long as I shared what happened, that I got punched ...is enough. 

 

 

Edited August 30 by SlimShadysWife

[Els]

Okay, so how long ago did this happen? Did you talk to the police? Did you ask for a restraining order?

To answer your question: violent people commit violence. There isn't really any other reason for punching someone in the face aside from self defense. And IMO focusing on that part instead of on how to protect yourself isn't helpful.

[MsJayne]

Any male who needs to use any sort of violence to make a partner be quiet is lower than snake s**t. Why did he react that way? Because he's not right in the head, because he's weak, because he's a snivelling little bully......does it matter why he reacted that way? He's a woman-basher, and that's all the info you need. Have you had him charged with assault? If not, why not? 

[basil67]

Your words didn't trigger him to hit you.  Rather, it was his lack of emotional control.   He was likely raised in violent surroundings and this could have been his 'normal'.   And perhaps he's done it before and the women didn't dump him immediately and press charges.   

 

[Kassieee]

No didn't call the cops or restraining 

[basil67]

20 minutes ago, SlimShadysWife said:

No didn't call the cops or restraining 

Yep, without serious consequences nothing will change.    

I hope you left him immediately

 

[Kassieee]

7 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Yep, without serious consequences nothing will change.    

I hope you left him immediately

 

Yeah I blocked him on everything.

The girl he cheated on me with messaged me on Facebook saying "hello" but it might be him trying to contact me. That's the last I heard from any of them.

[Alpacalia]

Sure, it was none of your business. But, this person assaulted you! Dude can't manage his anger. He should be behind bars for assault causing bodily harm.

[Kassieee]

33 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Sure, it was none of your business. But, this person assaulted you! Dude can't manage his anger. He should be behind bars for assault causing bodily harm.

Sorry I was not clear in the OP. I meant to say my now ex boyfriend ( because of this situation) but he was my boyfriend when the situation went down.

Sorry if I'm not making sense.

[ShyViolet]

If a boyfriend literally punched me, all I would do is cut this person out of my life immediately and never look back, and maybe report him to the police for assault.  I would never think to post on a message board "Hmm, why do you think he did that?"  I'm not sure what answer you think we can give you.  There's nothing we can tell you other than he was being violent and abusive and out of line.  That's about it.

[Kassieee]

23 minutes ago, ShyViolet said:

If a boyfriend literally punched me, all I would do is cut this person out of my life immediately and never look back, and maybe report him to the police for assault.  I would never think to post on a message board "Hmm, why do you think he did that?"  I'm not sure what answer you think we can give you.  There's nothing we can tell you other than he was being violent and abusive and out of line.  That's about it.

But you weren't in this situation though. you have no idea what goes on in someones head after a situation like this.  So your self righteousness holds no weight to me.

Edited August 31 by SlimShadysWife

[Gebidozo]

1 minute ago, SlimShadysWife said:

But you weren't in this situation though. you have no idea what goes on in someones head after a situation like this.  So your self righteousness holds no weight.

I fail to see either the logic or the purpose of your argumentation. People are trying to tell you that your ex-BF’s motivations aren’t the issue here. Why did he punch you? Because he was a violent, angry, abusive a**h***, that’s why. What other answer could you possibly expect? 

Yet for some reason, you’re getting all defensive when people point out to you that your concern with his motives and your apparent lack of indignation over his behavior is the issue here. You mentioned the incident nonchalantly, as though it was something regularly happening in your life, or at least in your society / culture. That is alarming and a cause to ask questions.

[Kassieee]

2 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

I fail to see either the logic or the purpose of your argumentation. People are trying to tell you that your ex-BF’s motivations aren’t the issue here. Why did he punch you? Because he was a violent, angry, abusive a**h***, that’s why. What other answer could you possibly expect? 

Yet for some reason, you’re getting all defensive when people point out to you that your concern with his motives and your apparent lack of indignation over his behavior is the issue here. You mentioned the incident nonchalantly, as though it was something regularly happening in your life, or at least in your society / culture. That is alarming and a cause to ask questions.

OK hun...

[ShyViolet]

20 minutes ago, SlimShadysWife said:

But you weren't in this situation though. you have no idea what goes on in someones head after a situation like this.  So your self righteousness holds no weight to me.

I'm not sure what your point is.  Of course I wasn't in the situation, none of us are in any of the situations that people post about here.  That goes without saying.

If someone is abusive and assaults you, who cares "why" they did it.  That is irrelevant at that point.  You go into survival mode, you get away from the person, you end the relationship so they can't hurt you again, and you consider reporting it to authorities (if you choose to take it that far).  I wouldn't care what was "going on in his head".  He's an abuser, that's all I need to know.

This is not self-righteousness, I'm just telling it like it is.