Miss

[Priya1607]

Should I leave him?

My boyfriend and I have been together over 3 years now, and have always had a happy relationship. At Christmas time, my partner expressed to me that he was having trouble moving some money across from one account to the other as it was locked but couldn’t get to the bank that week due to work, and if I could send him 2k as he wanted to buy a car. I agreed and sent it over. I asked for it back a few weeks later and he said he was still having trouble with the bank and someone will be calling him back. Fast forward to late January and I was unfortunately very unwell and admitted into hospital with a life threatening illness. 
 

After being discharged mid February, I asked him about the situation, and after him saying that he’d been into the bank and they were having trouble, he finally admitted to me that he never spoke to the bank and there was never an issue and he has spent all the money I gave him. I asked what on and he couldn’t tell me and he just kept saying he didn’t know and he just spent accidentally. Somehow I managed to forgive him on the promise he would pay it back.

It gets to a few months later, he is in and out of work and still not a penny has been paid back, yet he continues to ask for money from me using excuses like “can I just have £50 to go out with my mates” or “I’m going to the beach with friends and I don’t want to be the only one not able to buy food can I borrow some” and I stupidly gave in to him.

This is where things get very bad. He was offered to go on holiday with his friends, and one of his friends offered to pay for him to go as he couldn’t afford it. I completely disagree with this however it is not me that is paying for him so I did not let it bother me. He went last week, and I get a text from him the day after he arrives (which is the day after I happened to have surgery) asking for £100 just in case he runs out of money. 
 

he is forever telling me how much he loves me, how much he wants to live with me, but I cannot cope with the constant ask for money. I stand by the fact that if you cannot afford it, unless it is a necessity you should not be asking for it. I feel so used and taken advantage of, and there is absolutely no explanation for anything that he asks for, and I don’t know what to do. I have a lot of love for him and part of me is worried he has gotten himself into some sort of trouble and he is too frightened to tell me, by the other half of me feels that he now thinks I’m a pushover and will do anything.

i don’t know what to do, please please give me advice? I cannot speak to anyone about this, as I want a completely unbiased opinion

 

 

Edited August 31, 2024 by Priya1607
Didn’t finish

[FMW]

Dump him immediately.  You can't seriously be considering staying with him.  

You'll get over loving him when you've had a little space and time to see things clearly.

[basil67]

At the very least, just stop giving him money.

[ShyViolet]

So after the incident where he took 2K from you, months later you found out he lied about it, he refused to tell you what he spent it on, and has never given it back to you, it's unbelievable that you continued giving him money after that.  You have no one to blame but yourself for that.  Is it really not clear what you should do here?  It's baffling why you would stay with a person like this, continue giving him money and letting him take advantage of you like this.

[MsJayne]

Ditch this two-faced, lying free-loader before he bleeds you completely dry. He’s probably lounging about beside a pool on holiday with some other woman who’s also paying for his dubious company. Do you know the ‘friend’ who so generously paid for Mr Sponge’s holiday? If he’s got friends with that much money to throw around why doesn’t he borrow from them instead of scabbing from you? Whole things smells of bulls**t. 

[Alpacalia]

His going on an all-expense-paid vacation and asking you for money in addition to funding his social activities is ballsy. On top of it, he concocted a fictitious story to get you to give him the initial 2K and can't even tell you what he's been spending the money on. It's one thing to be struggling financially for a short period and to help your partner out, but he fabricated a story about a bank problem, and he's taking advantage of your generosity and trust. 

Stop giving him money.  That's on you.  You have enabled his behavior by being his enabler and enabler of his bad habits.  

I would lose respect for someone who told me some phoney balonie about a bank issue and when I needed the money back after JUST GETTING OUT OF THE HOSPITAL, he serves up “he accidentally spent it.” That's just crazy talk because he emotionally manipulated you with a story about needing a car, and he had you over a barrel. You are not rolling in the dough, and you cannot afford to be buying your boyfriend his good time activities — you are putting your needs second to your boyfriend's. He is revealing his true values and priorities. You do not make the list. That’s a tremendous insight into your future.

[semble]

Look on the bright side.

You're not out $4000.

 

[Kassieee]

It's like you're his parent and he's the spoiled child. 

I believe it's ok to help eachother out while in a relationship if need be but it's sounds like he's getting comfortable and taking advantage.