Sailynn Posted January 3, 2006 Share Posted January 3, 2006 My ex-GF, who I have been having contact with totally blew me away during the holidays. We planned to have dinner a couple of days before Christmas and we began talking and joking around and ended up lying down and caressing. She suddenly got a serious look on her face and told me she had something serious to tell me. She started by talking about the past break up, and that she was wrong about not loving me. She began weeping and told me she could not forget me and that DID indeed love me. She continued weeping and got on her knees and began an apology where she recognized that she hurt me and begged for forgiveness. She also admitted that she hid her feelings and now wanted to be free to express them with me because I have her heart. Her tears were real. At that point, I accepted all she had to say and told her - for the first time in 21 months - that I too had loved her all along. We've spent every hour together since. A remarkable and Miraculous Christmas and a fascinating New Year. Link to post Share on other sites
sick of it Posted January 3, 2006 Share Posted January 3, 2006 how long were you together, how long broekn up? did you 2 see others in that time? Link to post Share on other sites
slubberdegullion Posted January 3, 2006 Share Posted January 3, 2006 Congratulations, Sailynn. Sounds like 2006 is off to a good start for you and your lady! Aside from the emotional intensity of the event, have both of you looked seriously at what caused the break up in the first place? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sailynn Posted January 3, 2006 Author Share Posted January 3, 2006 Aside from the emotional intensity of the event, have both of you looked seriously at what caused the break up in the first place? Yes, Since July, we've had many discussions about the past, out relationship and the train wreck we experienced. We've recalled many specific events, good and bad, and have delved deeply into each other's thoughts and our ability to communicate closely. We've realized that we get along GREAT together and better communication is the key. We have admitted that we both have tremendous attraction toward one another and the passion to be together is there, we recognize that relationships and flow easily and are sometimes work and we've committed to work on communications. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sailynn Posted January 3, 2006 Author Share Posted January 3, 2006 how long were you together, how long broekn up? did you 2 see others in that time? I don't know what she did, but I didn't sit at home. I was sad, but I did see other people, made new friends, tried new activities and went new places. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 3, 2006 Share Posted January 3, 2006 the train wreck we experienced. have the train tracks been fixed 100%? if they haven't, there will eventually be another wreck... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lonestar Posted January 3, 2006 Share Posted January 3, 2006 have the train tracks been fixed 100%? if they haven't, there will eventually be another wreck... True. As soon as the honeymoon period wears off, the same issues will arise again. Keep the communication lines wide open, and discuss all the past problems and how to resolve them NOW while you're both madly in love again. Also, when she got on her knees, did you tell her to get up? Letting someone beg on their knees is certainly an ego boost and can let you know exactly how sorry they really are, but it most certainly isn't a sign of respect to allow her to give up her dignity that way. If that's the case, I see the train derailing somewhere down the track. Link to post Share on other sites
slubberdegullion Posted January 3, 2006 Share Posted January 3, 2006 Letting someone beg on their knees is certainly an ego boost and can let you know exactly how sorry they really are... There are other things that may have taken place as well while she was on her knees... *SMACK* what? Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted January 3, 2006 Share Posted January 3, 2006 We've spent every hour together since. Congratulations Sailynn - this is good news and a good start to 2006. But I'd definitely echo earlier advice about checking the reasons for the train wreck. And ease off on the contact man - you need to have some balance and keep the rest of your life on track. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 3, 2006 Share Posted January 3, 2006 And ease off on the contact man - you need to have some balance and keep the rest of your life on track. Superb advice RR....if he does not remain a challenge and play hard-to-get then she will eventual get bored again and run off. He has the upper hand right now and once he loses that the relationship will fall apart again. Here are some things he can do to remain a challenge: - see her once or twice per week at most - keep his own interests and seperate friends - keep chasing after other women - don't smother her or get jelous - stay attentive yet aloof and somewhat indifferent - say "I love you" maybe once or twice per year at special occasions - mentally make yourself the prize, not her - read my guide to keeping women around: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t61606/ Link to post Share on other sites
Lonestar Posted January 3, 2006 Share Posted January 3, 2006 There are other things that may have taken place as well while she was on her knees... *SMACK* what? LMAO You pig. I love you. Link to post Share on other sites
Lonestar Posted January 3, 2006 Share Posted January 3, 2006 Superb advice RR....if he does not remain a challenge and play hard-to-get then she will eventual get bored again and run off. He has the upper hand right now and once he loses that the relationship will fall apart again. Here are some things he can do to remain a challenge: - see her once or twice per week at most - keep his own interests and seperate friends - keep chasing after other women - don't smother her or get jelous - stay attentive yet aloof and somewhat indifferent - say "I love you" maybe once or twice per year at special occasions - mentally make yourself the prize, not her - read my guide to keeping women around: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t61606/ That's not a loving relationship. If a guy treated me like that, I'd dump him in a heartbeat. It certainly wouldn't keep me around. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 3, 2006 Share Posted January 3, 2006 That's not a loving relationship. If a guy treated me like that, I'd dump him in a heartbeat. It certainly wouldn't keep me around. well LONESTAR, what women say they would do and what they actually do in real life are two different animals Link to post Share on other sites
Lonestar Posted January 3, 2006 Share Posted January 3, 2006 well LONESTAR, what women say they would do and what they actually do in real life are two different animals Not really Alpha. Sure there are some women like that, but I would not stay in a relationship where the man was still chasing other women and never told me he loved me. If I'm in love, I also want sex on a daily basis. If I'm only seeing my guy once or twice per week, then he is not satisfying me as a women and he can get the f*ck out. Women will stay with a guy that treats them poorly, yes, but its usually sprinkled in with very good treatment too. My last ex was an ass, and still is, but I saw and slept with him 5-6 times per week, he always told me he loved me, and did not chase other women or ever cheat on me. There are certain basic things *I* need in order to stay with a man. I'm a great catch and I wouldn't waste my time on a man who didn't make me feel special. You just got it all wrong Alpha. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 3, 2006 Share Posted January 3, 2006 Women will stay with a guy that treats them poorly, yes, but its usually sprinkled in with very good treatment too. The above is basically what I'm saying. I'm a great catch agreed... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sailynn Posted January 3, 2006 Author Share Posted January 3, 2006 Also, when she got on her knees, did you tell her to get up? Letting someone beg on their knees is certainly an ego boost and can let you know exactly how sorry they really are, but it most certainly isn't a sign of respect to allow her to give up her dignity that way.QUOTE] I went down on mine too. We were on the bed together, both very teary. I told her of my love too, so we both opened up. We're talking everyday and bringing up everything we can think of. Please know that we're having fun and laughing and loving, and talking about all that we are together. We're just about at the point that we've disclosed everything, very openly. Link to post Share on other sites
Lonestar Posted January 3, 2006 Share Posted January 3, 2006 In your defense Alpha, I have overstayed my time with men who didn't treat me well, but that was after I go suckered in by the fabulous treatment in the honeymoon period. It's at that point that many women keep searching for the guy they fell in love with. I think you should edit your "rules" to say "hoover them in deep by treating them like a princess for a solid two months, then suddenly adjust your treatment and keep them off balance by interspersing good treatment with bad treatment. Of course that's abusive, but it's how some people work, and why so many people are bitter about relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
Lonestar Posted January 3, 2006 Share Posted January 3, 2006 The above is basically what I'm saying. agreed... Haha! Thanks. Thing is I'm subject to the dilemma you posted in another thread about not being able to find my equal. Link to post Share on other sites
Lonestar Posted January 3, 2006 Share Posted January 3, 2006 I went down on mine too. We were on the bed together, both very teary. I told her of my love too, so we both opened up. We're talking everyday and bringing up everything we can think of. Please know that we're having fun and laughing and loving, and talking about all that we are together. We're just about at the point that we've disclosed everything, very openly. oh ok, that sounds more on the lines of equal respect. Hope it all works out for you. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 3, 2006 Share Posted January 3, 2006 We were on the bed together, both very teary. the only time i would personally recommend crying in front of your woman is if one of your immediate relatives died or your dog just got hit by a car. In general, women don't respect men who cry at the drop of a hat or when talking about relationship issues. Link to post Share on other sites
Sleeps w/Butterflies Posted January 3, 2006 Share Posted January 3, 2006 That is great, congratulations. Your story is very positive it goes to show the only way to get a person back is to let them go. However you did keep the communication open and went on with your life. Can I ask you if you did at any point take NC into consideration to heal and then develop a friendship again with your ex? Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted January 3, 2006 Share Posted January 3, 2006 the only time i would personally recommend crying in front of your woman is if one of your immediate relatives died or your dog just got hit by a car. In general, women don't respect men who cry at the drop of a hat or when talking about relationship issues. I agree with you. I cried like a baby in front of the ex when my mom died. She cried with me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sailynn Posted January 3, 2006 Author Share Posted January 3, 2006 Actually, I would call it more of a lump in the throat and not open and audible weeping on my part. Hey, I'm glad I can feel things emotionally. What seemed to work for me, is that I immediately initiated NC. I went about building my life. I did positive things, met new people, dated new women, received some counseling, went new places, worked on my physique, wardrobe, attitude, inner self, etc. It paid off big time. In a year and a half, I ran into her at out health club all the time. We only spoke with brief salutations. About six months after the breakup, I asked her to meet me for a talk and resulted in her stating that she wanted to be "just friends". I did not agree and held my position that I was a worthy man and that I had been serious about our relationship and that I could not settle for anything less, so I resumed NC. About a year apart from her, I'm out on the town with dates and I run into mutual friends. I wonder if that news got back to her Acouple of months after that, one day, she saw me on the street and I received contact from her asking for a chat, so I agreed. She wanted to be friends and I was at a point that whatever she wanted didn't matter, so I could be friendly toward her. I knew that I would have no problem being open and honest and talking about my life and the people in it. We began talking and our previous relationship became the subject of conversation on numerous times. We discovered the problems and discussed them openly and sometimes it was not easy. We discovered we have evolved, but still have similar characteristics and recognized the ongoing attraction and curiosity for each other. We agreed to go out about once a week and just spend time moment by moment. That increased to twice a week and then to three times a week. Then we began going to one another's respective apartments. Then we say we're dating. All along, we're describing what we want and don't want to happen. Now, it has lead us to be BF and GF again. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted January 3, 2006 Share Posted January 3, 2006 Three years is a long time to wait and still feel for each other. Congrats. I'm not holding out hope with my Ex and I plan to go on and live life without her. It's the only way. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 3, 2006 Share Posted January 3, 2006 I went about building my life. I did positive things, met new people, dated new women, received some counseling, went new places, worked on my physique, wardrobe, attitude, inner self, etc. It paid off big time. well yes, you did get her back....but you must examine HOW you got her back. you did it by doing the above and if you stop doing the above then you'll find in due course of time that she'll lose interest again. she is a woman who wants what she cannot have, and once she relaizes that she has you 110% then you are finished and the train will wreck again. guaranteed! Link to post Share on other sites
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