Penny4Tawts Posted September 1 Share Posted September 1 Similar to WhyMe92 post. My ex of 21 years, no marriage, cheated on me. Obviously we went our separate ways, so I thought. 2 years later at a gathering I find out my family has been talking with him and seeing him. My family lives in several other cities. WTH? They felt guilty when telling me. So they were deliberately keeping it a secret. And knew I'd be upset about it. I find out from my family, according to him, he didn't cheat on me. So now I'm wondering is he manipulating them? Why? To get back at me, when he's the one who cheated? Why did he steal my family? and why did they fall for it? I'm confused and really mad. What can I do to fix this? Other than tell them where to go and how to get there. Which I've already done. Am I wrong? Because I don't believe that I'm wrong. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted September 1 Share Posted September 1 Going back to the start, what evidence do you have that he cheated? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Penny4Tawts Posted September 1 Author Share Posted September 1 It was emotional infidelity. I requested he not see her anymore because I felt our relationship/intimacy was threatened by it. He continued to meet with her. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted September 1 Share Posted September 1 What kind of things were they talking about? Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted September 1 Share Posted September 1 Do you have children together? 21 years is a very long time to be part of a family. If your family want to keep in touch with him l don't see a problem. You cannot control other people and who they want to keep in touch with. I left my ex husband after 15 years. It destroyed him at the time. His family still kept in touch with me and he kept in touch with my family. Just tell your family if they want to keep in touch with him it's fine but you don't want to know the details of their conversation. That's between them. He can tell them he did not cheat all he wants, that does not matter, you're not together anymore. It's their time they're wasting listenning to him. You should not waste time on what people talk about. Live your best life and let them talk. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Kassieee Posted September 1 Share Posted September 1 Do they still link up because you have children together? Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted September 1 Share Posted September 1 Understandable that you feel betrayed, not because of him keeping in touch with your family, but because they've all kept it a secret and so to you it feels like they're taking sides. Just my personal opinion, but I believe that when there's a bad break up close family and close friends have an obligation to have your back and cool off relationships with the ex-partner. I don't mean cease all contact, but all of them should have shut him down when he started talking about your relationship. He's needling you by proxy and they're not seeing it for what it is. Very frustrating, but maybe the best thing to do is ignore it, because interfering in your family relationships is probably his goal and you shouldn't let him get away with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Penny4Tawts Posted September 1 Author Share Posted September 1 There are no kids. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted September 1 Share Posted September 1 2 hours ago, Penny4Tawts said: According to him, he didn't cheat on me. He doesn't consider emotional cheating as cheating. Lots of people don't. Lots of people think if there is no intercourse then there is no cheating. You think differently, l think differently. We can't have people change their mine on what's cheating. It's been 2 years. Let it go. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted September 2 Share Posted September 2 This is something you have no control over. Now that it's all out in the open, hopefully they will feel guilty about it enough to stop talking with him. I'm sure they are feeling pretty stupid. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted September 2 Share Posted September 2 I got plenty of family that are divorced due to cheating and whats not, and everybody talks to everybody! When you spent 20+ years in a family, like your ex did, it's normal to keep in touch. I speak to all my uncles, even the divorced & cheating ones. I have nothing to do with how their marriage turned out! In my book he's my uncle, he pushed me on my swing, he bought me candy, he helped me learn to ride that big bike. At first auntie diane was not happy we still were close to him and then she accepted she can't earase 20+ years of our childhood just cause. And she can't ask her siblings to earase 20+ years of friendship with him either. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted September 2 Share Posted September 2 (edited) 19 hours ago, Penny4Tawts said: Why did he steal my family? and why did they fall for it? They knew him for 21 years and since you stayed with him that long, he's clearly likeable enough. YOU have a huge problem with him, which is understandable if he cheated on him, but they clearly do not. You are making yourself the center of a big drama here, but only in your own mind. I guess that's again somewhat understandable under the circumstances, but - he didn't "steal" anything, nor are they "falling for" something. They probably just like talking to him occasionally. Just because you are 100% done with him doesn't mean they have decided to be. As others have pointed out, this is well within the boundaries of normal behavior. Edited September 2 by mark clemson 2 Link to post Share on other sites
bpb2017 Posted September 17 Share Posted September 17 On 9/1/2024 at 10:22 PM, Penny4Tawts said: It was emotional infidelity. This is probably why they don't see a problem with seeing him. He isn't a bad guy, and didn't actually cheat. Maybe they might even feel a little sorry for him. You seem to try to control who others can communicate with, starting with your ex, now your family, and I'm sure others as well. Cut it out. Link to post Share on other sites
jasonblackheart01 Posted September 18 Share Posted September 18 On 9/2/2024 at 4:02 AM, Penny4Tawts said: Similar to WhyMe92 post. My ex of 21 years, no marriage, cheated on me. Obviously we went our separate ways, so I thought. 2 years later at a gathering I find out my family has been talking with him and seeing him. My family lives in several other cities. WTH? They felt guilty when telling me. So they were deliberately keeping it a secret. And knew I'd be upset about it. I find out from my family, according to him, he didn't cheat on me. So now I'm wondering is he manipulating them? Why? To get back at me, when he's the one who cheated? Why did he steal my family? and why did they fall for it? I'm confused and really mad. What can I do to fix this? Other than tell them where to go and how to get there. Which I've already done. Am I wrong? Because I don't believe that I'm wrong. We'll why are you still getting anxious about your ex? He's already in the past, and you already break up with you. Either they believe him or not doesn't matter. What matters is your living your own life away from your cheating ex. Of course if your stupid enough to forgive him and give him chance, that's on you. Link to post Share on other sites
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