Severe Anxiety post breakup

[amicle]

Hey all, 

So I'm just over 2 weeks no contact with my ex and I feel like I'm not getting any better. We broke up around a month ago after 6 mths together and tried to be friends afterwards which lasted a couple of weeks before we both started to pull away because it was too hard, too painful and we were both terrified of the other moving on. Being friends was initially comforting because we had both become pretty attached to each other albeit in a pretty toxic way. 

We were together for 6 mths and it was tumultuous to say the least. She is an Avoidant and I'm an Anxious attached so the odds of it working were slim to begin with. Although she 'tried' to open up to me emotionally, she has unresolved trauma from her past and I sacrificed my needs for so long that my anxiety flared up and became super uncomfortable that I had to pull the trigger and end things. We broke up several times before this but I reached back, fought for the relationship and we reconciled. 

The relationship was never stable. The early dates were so much fun, I was super invested and we quickly began to discuss a future together, children and a happy life together. Thinking back to this period (short lived) part of the relationship is haunting me. I feel like I've lost the love of my life. I was single for 8 years before I met her because I hadn't met anyone that I was into enough to start a relationship with. 

Every day I cycle between guilt (for leaving) and anger (for her not being emotionally available). My anxiety is super high and my sleep is terrible. 

If you've read this far.. Thankyou. 

Looking for some hope that things will get better because right now it feels like this pain will never end. 

James.

 

 

[semble]

Pretty much everyone who goes through a breakup while still being connected to the person goes through this.

There will come a time when you look back at this as a rapidly fading distant memory. You may never forget her but there won't be all those associated painful emotions.

Seems like how long it takes is directly proportional to the length of the relationship, so good news there, it wasn't all that long, and more good news you don't have any physical ties to her like kids or a mortgage.

There's one thing you can do that will make a big difference long term. Cut all contact and keep it that way. Otherwise you're tearing away the bandage before the wound heals over.

[ExpatInItaly]

2 hours ago, amicle said:

I feel like I've lost the love of my life.

Once the initial sting wears off, I think you will see that this isn't the case. She wasn't going to be the love of your life. 

You know, on some level, that this relationship didn't have a snowball's chance in hell of lasting. It was too much too soon, apparently. I would instead turn your focus on why you stayed when you saw signs that this was a mess. That will help push you out of this and ensure you don't ignore your better judgement next time. 

[Gebidozo]

A month of post-breakup suffering is nothing. When I was 21 years old, a girl broke up with me after a 4 months relationship, it took me several years to get over her. Be ready for more pain, go through it, and eventually it will end.

I can assure you that she was not the love of your life. If she were, you’d be together now. So stop torturing yourself over that and see the experience for what it is: something that will make you stronger because it won’t kill you.