Still struggling with the 'male friend' thing, have I screwed it up?

[witabix]

Happy New Year to you all.

 

I am not sure if I have handled this situation correctly and would like some other viewpoints on it.

 

Brief history

 

Dating for over a year.

 

Male friend in the background the whole time.

 

Male friend asks gf out occasionally to lunch and events/gigs including ones with foreign travel(about every three months). Always one to one.

 

Information I was given was patchy and contradictory. For example, he has no gf, don’t know if he has gf, he has gf, with kids, who he used to work with and she lives in ******. Allied to the comment that we don’t talk about relationships!

 

We have had ‘discussions’ about how I feel about this. The last one was very recent. It was three days after Xmas day. She said she had something to tell me when we got home “Your favourite subject” I think was the quote. I was a little mystified..

 

She said that her male friend had texted her on Xmas morning, wishing Happy Xmas etc, and asked to see her over Xmas.

 

The alarm bells went off in my head straight away. She had previously promised to let me know as and when he contacted her, and I had made it clear that meant immediately, a little controlling and paranoid I know but it was her idea to offer. I also insisted that the next time they meet I wanted to be there, this was not her idea and she looked a little shaken when I said this, but she agreed. I also said that I had had enough of this unknown man asking my gf out, when there had been ample and simple opportunities for us to meet at one of these lunch dates. I would not be happy if these boundaries were not respected.

 

As he seemed such a good friend I failed to understand why she would not want him to meet her bf and why he would not suggest that he would like to meet the bf of such a good friend.

 

Their friendship has going been over many years and they seem to have done a lot of dating type things on a one to one basis, foreign trips, staying at one anothers houses etc. She states categorically that he is not an ex boyfriend but has made a pass at her that she rejected, some time ago.

 

I felt that three days after contact was not within the agreed boundaries, I pointed out that she had offered the information on contact. I felt she had taken something that we had not agreed to. Her reason was that she did not want to spoil Xmas at her parents house. I had promised not to over react, she never gave me the chance to keep my side of the bargain, I felt doubly annoyed by this.

 

So we thrashed right the way through it this time and I held nothing back.

 

I asked her to reverse the situation and see it from my side. She agreed she would not have accepted this behaviour from me with one of my female friends.

 

I pointed out that this guy was still pursuing her in my opinion.

 

I asked her how she could see this. No answer.

 

She then asked if I would meet him. I was so angry I said no. I did not want to meet him now, or in fact ever. I told her she could do whatever she wanted, but that I would behave in the same fashion. She has freaked out twice over female friends of mine, one asked me to look after her house while she was away, the other asked me to go for a Xmas drink with a group of friends to a place where absolutely everyone knows me.

 

So here’s the questions I have.

 

Was I wrong to finally put my foot down?

 

Was I wrong to refuse to meet this guy?

 

Have I painted myself into a corner over this now?

 

Why have I gotten so much contradictory information on this issue? Another example is when I asked her why she thinks he is still asking her out she said, he needs someone to talk to. I fail to see why someone would go to a music gig/sports event a hundred miles away if all they wanted to do was talk about frustrations in work. Just doesn’t ring true to me.

 

I have decided that if she agrees to meet him for lunch I will be relatively cool with it, but if its another one to one evening date type of meeting I will not be cool with it, after what I have told her. I will then assume we are not in an exclusive relationship. Bad/good idea? I did not communicate this to her, it feels like an ultimatum to me.

 

If I hear of no further contact what do I make of that?

 

He texted her a Happy New Year message, which came through as we were getting in the car and she showed me the phone. She says she has not replied to any of these recent messages, since the Xmas morning one.

 

Thought/opinions?

[ReluctantRomeo]

Was I wrong to finally put my foot down?

 

No. She needs to know how you feel.

 

Needing to report every text and contact to you seems rather excessive IMO, but this is as much about her needing to reassure you as you being insecure.

 

Was I wrong to refuse to meet this guy?

 

Yes. I have several quite good platonic female friends and I always make a point of introducing a new Juliet to them and involving Juliet in the friendship.

 

 

Have I painted myself into a corner over this now?

 

No. We all mistakes. Swallow your pride and say you've changed your mind. You can reiterate that this subject makes you irritated.

 

 

Why have I gotten so much contradictory information on this issue?

 

My gut instinct says something unhealthy is going on, and your girl knows this at some level, even if she is not aware of it at a conscious level.

[slubberdegullion]

Having friends of the opposite sex is fine, as long as both are on the same page. But from what's written here, it sure sounds like this dude is after your lady.

 

The other aspect of this is that she simply doesn't see it, and sees him as "just a friend." Now, whether that's the truth or not is open to question; you're in a better position to answer that than I.

 

But IMHO the most important part of all this is that she knows you're uncomfortable with it but still continues with this extra-curricular relationship. She either doesn't know how you feel (which may be your fault, because you may not have explained it to her in terms that she understands) or she does know and continues despite your objections.

 

Either way, you and she have some really hard and deep communicating to do.

 

Now, she's very likely to play victim here, and you're bound to hear her say something like, "You can't control me. I have my friends, you have yours," which, of course, is a passive-aggresive smokescreen designed to obscure the real issue. So when you and she talk about this - and I really hope you do - you'll have to work hard to keep the discussion focused about actions and intents and not on control.

 

So, to answer your questions:

• No, you were not wrong to put your foot down, not at all;
  
• I don't think you were wrong to meet with this guy, though it may have been appropriate under public circumstances (say, at a party with a lot of people there, or in a pub or something) because face-to-face you may have learned something about his intentions;
  
• You very well may have painted yourself into a corner over this, but she's the one who forced your hand (sorry for mixing metaphors). I don't really see how much of a choice you had.

 

Good luck.

[witabix]

First off thanks for replying.

 

No. We all mistakes. Swallow your pride and say you've changed your mind. You can reiterate that this subject makes you irritated.

 

That was on the periphary of my thoughts. Feels a little like a back down, but it may be worth it, I agree. She is under no illusions as to how much this irritates me and why. I have tried very hard to keep the words focussed on the issue, and have never blamed her for any of this.

 

Quote:

Why have I gotten so much contradictory information on this issue?

 

 

My gut instinct says something unhealthy is going on, and your girl knows this at some level, even if she is not aware of it at a conscious level.

 

I have had this thought wondering around in my mind also. I think sometimes I am being played and other times as though she just cannot see it. I have even said as much to her, I feel as though I have lost my ability to communicate the simplest idea, she seems to have this obdurate wall up over this. She also said she was surprised I had no problems when she goes on a girls night out. I just cannot see the similarity!

 

How would someone be so unaware of such a thing? And believe me I have left no avenue of communication untried in this.

 

The other aspect of this is that she simply doesn't see it, and sees him as "just a friend." Now, whether that's the truth or not is open to question; you're in a better position to answer that than I.

 

Oh if only that were true! If he were just a friend I would have met him long ago, I have met all her other friends, they are all female. I have met people she works with, I have even done some work for her and met her clients! (Social work with disadvantaged youth) Even though its far removed from my own profession. (Scientific/engineering). I am suffering a major failure to understand something. I don't even know what I am failing to understand!!

 

But IMHO the most important part of all this is that she knows you're uncomfortable with it but still continues with this extra-curricular relationship. She either doesn't know how you feel (which may be your fault, because you may not have explained it to her in terms that she understands) or she does know and continues despite your objections.......

 

Now, she's very likely to play victim here, and you're bound to hear her say something like, "You can't control me. I have my friends, you have yours," which, of course, is a passive-aggresive smokescreen designed to obscure the real issue. So when you and she talk about this - and I really hope you do - you'll have to work hard to keep the discussion focused about actions and intents and not on control.

 

As I said I have tried very hard to approach this from as many differing viewpoints as I can. As for her not getting what I am saying, I really fall on my butt here. I am an experienced communicator, teacher and even she says I have excellent inter personal skills. So I feel she does know exactly how I feel.

 

This is where the second part of your reply really hits the spot. She has said precisely that, about the control thing, I assured her that that was not my intent, I have never stopped, interfered, questioned or interrogated her about seeing anyone. (Until now). I feel she is playing the injured party now.

 

She has said she will let me know if they set up a date. He requested to see her over a week ago. I get the feeling that he will be wondering whats happening, as this does not seem to fit the pattern of behaviour they have set up between themselves. I think it is possible she will not contact him ever again, lose his friendship, or whatever it is, and then blame me.

 

You very well may have painted yourself into a corner over this, but she's the one who forced your hand (sorry for mixing metaphors). I don't really see how much of a choice you had.

 

Thats the saddening part Slub, I do feel as though I was backed into a corner. I didn't feel she was listening/taking it seriously. I did try very hard to let her know on an ongoing basis how I was feeling. I even wrote it down at one point and let her read it. She cried! But it didn't change anything in a fashion that I could understand. We made an agreement, she took a few days to tell me of his contact, when this was patently not a part of it.

 

I have told her now that there is not another millimeter to be given on this subject.

 

Should I suggest she contact him and arrange a meeting?That I would be happy to go and meet her friend.

That I was talking off the top my head before, this may circumvent any future blame if their friendship/?????? does ever end.

 

There are no other issues between us. WTF is up with me? This feels like a ticking timebomb, I really want to defuse it, but I am kind of lost on how to do so.

 

[itwontdawnsooner]

meet the guy. its not comfortable, its awkward as hell, but meet the guy. try not to show up seeming standoff-ish (that'll be really hard, but you can pull it off if you try). see how he seems, get a feel for it.

 

youre allowed to not be comfortable with the sitatution. some of the reactions are controlling, but thats not impossible to at least understand. she has made it clear this person will remain, and needs to remain, a part of her life. asking her to not contact at all will bring resentment. a very bad thing to add.

 

so. meet the guy, get a feel and a vibe for "them" and go from there. just make it clear that youre now going with an open mind to your gf.

[witabix]

meet the guy. its not comfortable, its awkward as hell, but meet the guy. try not to show up seeming standoff-ish (that'll be really hard, but you can pull it off if you try). see how he seems, get a feel for it.

 

youre allowed to not be comfortable with the sitatution. some of the reactions are controlling, but thats not impossible to at least understand. she has made it clear this person will remain, and needs to remain, a part of her life. asking her to not contact at all will bring resentment. a very bad thing to add.

 

so. meet the guy, get a feel and a vibe for "them" and go from there. just make it clear that youre now going with an open mind to your gf.

 

Yes I see the validity of what you say.

 

I never at any point insisted or suggested no contact, I let her decide how she wants to handle it.

 

My outburst in which I said I would not meet him was brought about by the time lapse in informing me of his request to see her. I felt that if I let that slip through other stuff would also, give an inch take a mile mentality.

 

I also felt like this guy was disrespecting me. I would never ask out another guys gf, even if she was a good friend, I would always include the SO in any invitation, always, and if he were not available I would not meet her alone, it just sends out the wrong signals IMO.

 

She seems to have initiated the no contact bit on her own, maybe she is confused, but I have to admit I handled it badly. I said something that I am actually quite embarressed about, I said that if he ever does run into me I would flatten him, with no questions asked or introductions made, and a bunch of other crap about him needing to learn to respect other men and their relationships, all total bullcrap I know, in the hard of light of day.

 

Stupid male machismo on my part, I am so embarressed about saying that. My frustration just overwhelmed me.

 

Maybe I have left her feeling unsure of how to continue, I think I must take the dumb@ss macho comments back, but I cannot afford to cave on this issue totally.

 

I may have screwed the whole thing up by now. I may have made a complete idiot of myself and in total truthfulness I cannot be sure of my reaction if I do go to meet this guy. I can react quite badly at times, rarely now, but I am aware of that horrible negative part of me. I can also be very grown up of course and my childish actions are now a very rare thing. But it scares me a little.

 

I am really surprised at how badly I have handled it when I read the post back to myself.

 

For a man who seems so intelligent and caring I can be an awful f***ing fool sometimes. I am kicking myself here.

 

What the hell is up with me?

 

Anyone know of a monastery where the monks are reclusive, celibate and scientists?

 

Jeez, what a start to the new year!

[slubberdegullion]

For a man who seems so intelligent and caring I can be an awful f***ing fool sometimes. I am kicking myself here.

 

What the hell is up with me?

 

Anyone know of a monastery where the monks are reclusive, celibate and scientists?

Kicking yourself may be good for the glutes, but it's rather self-defeating emotionally. So, just stop it.

 

What's up with you? You didn't do anything wrong, so the question isn't really relevant to the situation.

 

I don't know about the monk situation, though GP and his nun friend may be able to help you with that one.

[Cecelius]

The guy was not disrespecting you -- your "g/f" was. There is no sense in being "controlling" because it will get you no where.

 

But please pay attention to this: a girlfriend does not go travelling alone outside of work with another man. It just doesn't happen.

 

I think you should just end things with her -- she is clearly bargaining too much about this and clearly he matters as much as you do to her -- that may not be cheating but it is not compatible with being in an exclusive relationship.

[Lishy]

That is so true!

[witabix]

The guy was not disrespecting you -- your "g/f" was. There is no sense in being "controlling" because it will get you no where.

 

But please pay attention to this: a girlfriend does not go travelling alone outside of work with another man. It just doesn't happen.

 

I think you should just end things with her -- she is clearly bargaining too much about this and clearly he matters as much as you do to her -- that may not be cheating but it is not compatible with being in an exclusive relationship.

 

I get that Cecelius, she facilitated his disrespecting of me. I told her as much. It also seems to me that she held off contact after I threatened him with physical violence. NOT COOL! Occasioned by my frustration, no excuse, but I do have testicles.

 

She is certainly not protecting me in this now, she is clearly protecting him. In fact she has never protected me in this situation.

 

But maybe she didn't know what my expectations were from the beginning. That could be my fault, however I thought I had made it clear, clearly I had not.

 

She has gone on no foriegn trips with this guy since she met me. In fact although she has agreed to meet him on various occasions she has met him only rarely and only for lunch dates.

 

He means as much to her as I do? Could be true, in fact its my greatest fear. She seems to have behaved in a fashion that gives this notion credence. As she has ceased contact now, again following my inappropriate male outburst. In fact it could be said that she thinks more of him, as she now moves to protect him from me by doing something she does not want to do (Not seeing him).

 

I am now waiting to see if she agrees to meet him again, and under what circumstances, ie evening date vs lunch date. For some odd reason it seems important to me, I have no idea why.

 

"I think you should end things with her" is your qoute, and Lishy agrees.

 

I understand this thought, I am perhaps on the verge of this. I am trying to understand why she may be doing this, why she has given me so much contradictory information, why she has held off from contacting him after my outburst of testosterone driven machismo.

 

Where are all the female viewpoints? Can any females add anything to this issue?

[mattea]

i don't think you're being posessive or controlling. i'm guessing that knowing every time he makes contact would not really be enough to make you comfortable with the situation, because there's something off about being with this woman for over a year and never having met this guy. i'm not saying there is foul play, i'm just saying from my point of view it's not ok.

 

i agree that you shouldn't beat yourself up about reacting childishly or irrationally or whatever. we all do that sometimes. nobody is either totally mature or totally immature - we're more complex than that and sometimes react in ways we wish we hadn't when angry or hurt.

 

i would not be comfortable if a long-term boyfriend had a female friend who he never introduced me to and he only hung out with her one-on-one. conversely, i would want to introduce my boyfriend to my friends and bring him into my life because i have nothing to hide and i'd want them to all get to know each other and him to feel comfortable with my friendships. not that i don't like alone time with my friends sometimes, but it's different having alone time with friends who your SO knows are JUST friends and who he also feels comfortable with.

 

since she admits that she'd be upset/uncomfortable if the tables were turned, i think you just need to tell her you do want to meet him. you could tell her you feel foolish about how you reacted before but that you felt angry and disrespected. let her know that you don't want to be controlling and it's not that you want her to give up her friendship, it's just that you want to meet the guy. there's nothing wrong with that.

[JS17]

Where are all the female viewpoints? Can any females add anything to this issue?

I think something is amiss here. I don't like what I'm reading. I don't think you're being controlling, we're talking about one person here not taking away all of her friends. I think she's being disrespectful but I don't know, maybe she's trying to change. She didn't reply to his text messages. I don't know if I have anything really constructive to say but I have a bad gut feeling about this. I know if something like this was bothering my SO I would address it, not try to hide it and dance around it.

[witabix]

Thanks JS and mattea for your input.

 

One other thing that has drifted across my mind was a comment she made about communication styles, and how ours differs.

 

I think that is a nonsense myself, a smokescreen.

 

As to what is up, I have no idea. She did say at some point a while ago that I would probably hate this guy, talk about self fulfilling prophecies!

 

I think the reason why she thinks I would hate him, at the time she said anyway, is that he is a man with NO male friends, she thought he was gay when they first met, he has/had an eating disorder, he had/has a major problem with his father(I have no idea what the problem is). Whereas I can be a fairly "boisterous" person, love contact sports, lots of male friends, no real hang ups, a bit dismissive of people who I feel are "making stuff up" to give reason to their problems and not taking responsibility for themselves (Ask Becoming!!). I can see the apparent differences.

 

I have however also showed her my sensitive side, she is fully aware of this, these are the reasons why she asked me to accompany a group of very unruly young males on a day trip for her work. She said she had someone else in mind (and I am guessing it was her "friend", as he works in the same sphere) but that these young men would take the p1ss out of him and he wouldn't be able to exercise any control.

 

I seem to be getting the vibe that most responders think something is up, that only solidifies my own instincts, and that I should forgive myself for my immature response. That I have done.

 

I will await further developments.

 

I will not apologise in the meantime

 

I have decided to wait until I hear of further contact.

 

I will make my next move then. If there is a further offer to meet him I will accept and go along in a spirit of open mindedness.

 

If there is no offer to meet him I will assume the worst and refoot our relationship into a non exclusive one.

 

I will use her actions, not her words, as a guide as to how I should proceed in this matter.

 

That appears to be what I have gotten from the above replies.

 

I can't just dump her now but I know I can't ignore it.

[Walk]

Female perspective... hmm... how do I say this....

 

Having a male friend like that invites trouble. Basically what she's got is a huge temptation and a safety net should the two of you get into sticky territory (like you are now).

 

You know how it is when you're pissed at your girl, and maybe your eyes wander a little too long at the shapely blonde walking past. You normally wouldn't, but your girl and you are fighting... so you look....

 

This is kind of the same situation, but much more dire. It's good you put your foot down. It's sane, rational, and completely understandable. I admire you for doing so. It would be completely different if she had introduced the two of you when first dating, invited you out with the both of them, etc. But she didn't.

 

A male friend I had for 6 years made a pass at me at the beginning of our friendship. During this time I was very happy with my SO... and I blew the friend off. Years later he made numerous passes at me when my SO and I were having problems. It was like a wedge between my SO and me. I felt caught in the middle. The friend was wrong, and I was wrong for keeping him as a friend. But I didn't see it at the time. I didn't realize that the only thing this friend wanted was to me for himself. Subconciously I was really flattered by it. I liked the attention. And the more jealous my So got, the more I thought my SO was being a jealous, controlling prick. I was naive. I didn't realize what it was doing to the relationship. And the more controlling my SO got, the more I felt drawn to the friend. I thought the friend was being "nice", "cared how I felt", blah blah... He didn't. And he less affection and love I received from my SO, the more I was attracted to the friend.

 

If she's serious about continuing a relationship with you, and doesn't want to lose you, she needs to understand that she is creating/continuing a temptation that will increase with the turmoils of relationships. You're going to need another tactic to break through her denial/defensiveness. She needs to understand that men aren't as "innocent" as she seems to think. That his motivation is not in her well being, but his d*ck. That no matter how nice and caring her friend is, his desire is to have her to himself. You're going to have to think outside the box on this one. The "how would you feel if" isn't working. Give her a blow by blow of what you see happening, and the degradation of the relationship, to the final outcome of the two of you splitting up. Not because you want to split, but because this so called friend of hers would desire that.

 

Be loving, be affectionate, be open, but DON'T buy into the lies. Even if she's not aware of what's going on, you are. If your relationship ends over this, then it's on her shoulders.

 

*My perspective is jaded, so take all this with a grain of salt. I have male friends now, but there are rules I've set on how often I see them and when. *

[witabix]

Thanks Walk.

 

I really appreciate your reply. Your story has a real resonance for me.

 

Adds to my own resolution on this issue, not another millimeter, it is her responsiblity to behave as she wishes and mine to respond to that behaviour, NOT to attempt to control her behaviour.

 

I only want to be with someone who actually wants to be with me of her own volition.

 

Not one of your male friends texted you on the holidays, no, not one of my female friends texted me either.

 

Thanks again Walk, gives me strength, salute.

[Walk]

Last thought...

 

My bf met my guy friends at the very beginning of our relationship. I knew he'd hate them (which he does). And he doesn't enjoy time with them. But I trusted that he would respect my choice of friends. Which he does. I did worry about introducing them, but I trusted my bf not to be an azz.

 

Any male friends which expressed interest in anything further then friendship at any time I give the same answer to. A definite NO. And to not contact me any further. (These are male friends made after starting dating the bf. Actually I no longer talk to any of the guy friends who expressed interest....)

 

And NOT ONE of my guy friends texted me on the holidays!!

[witabix]

Last thought...

 

My bf met my guy friends at the very beginning of our relationship. I knew he'd hate them (which he does). And he doesn't enjoy time with them. But I trusted that he would respect my choice of friends. Which he does. I did worry about introducing them, but I trusted my bf not to be an azz.

 

Any male friends which expressed interest in anything further then friendship at any time I give the same answer to. A definite NO. And to not contact me any further. (These are male friends made after starting dating the bf. Actually I no longer talk to any of the guy friends who expressed interest....)

 

And NOT ONE of my guy friends texted me on the holidays!!

 

And another salute to you. Wish my gf behaved this way. Perhaps she doesn't trust me that much? I hope thats not the case!

[EnigmaXOXO]

This is what jumped out the most for me:

 

I asked her to reverse the situation and see it from my side. She agreed she would not have accepted this behaviour from me with one of my female friends.

 

I can do it, but you can't (???)

 

I can only speak for myself; but I have never been wholly comfortable with people who impose double standards. Nor could I ever feel confident about a partner (or friend) whose behavior was secretive and/or evasive.

 

The 'play dumb' card has never worked with me, particularly if I'm fully aware that the person in question is of average intelligence and it's an issue we've discussed in great lengths.

 

Given her above comment, she doesn't seem nearly as naïve as she does ambivalent to your feelings. Which, indicates to me, that she has more invested in this so-called friendship than she's willing to put into your relationship (at this time).

 

Are either one of you willing to compromise your opposite-sex-friend time to try and make this relationship more comfortable and secure for the both of you? It's been my experience that unless you're able to renegotiate your stance on this issue together, you may find yourselves haggling over the fine details until your relationship finally fizzles out.

[witabix]

As an update....

 

We talked about it again last night. I asked if she had arranged to meet her friend.

 

She said she was not going to contact him again. Her reason was because she realises how it makes me feel, and because there is simply no comparison between the importance of her friend and importance of me in her life.

 

I asked her if losing contact with her friend would eventually be blamed on me. She said no, it won't. She said it is her decision to do this.

 

I told her again that I in no way wish to interfere with her friendships, and that I would be prepared to meet him, if that is what she wants, so that she can continue her friendship with him. Her reply was no. Because I was the important one not him.

 

So it seems to have been dealt with eventually. My preference would have been for them to remain friends and for me to be at least a small part of it. However I feel this solution is workable at present. It will be interesting to see how this pans out over time.

[Dumbass]

Damn, you're lucky, Witabix I'm happy for you.....Ask her if she's got any sisters

[witabix]

Dumbass, yes she has a sister!! LOL, really beautiful one too!!! But married, sorry.

 

Upon further reflection and thought, and a brief conversation over the whole issue I have come to a kind of conclusion on this.

 

I feel she really was scared of appearing to relinquish control of her life, I think she feared that I would try to enforce things on her. Not because of anything I had done or said, or because of how I act. But perhaps because of her past. She was badly cheated on by a previous long term partner, and maybe that has still to be played out fully in her mind.

 

I think it was a trust issue, but it was about her trusting herself, not me. Trusting herself to trust me perhaps.

 

We have moved to a much closer physical intimacy following this. She actually pulled me to her last night and told me how much she loves me. That was a first. A really cool first I might add.

 

So in conclusion, I hope this shows that it is possible to ride through a storm and come out the other side stronger and better informed.

 

We sailed close to the edge a few times on this single issue, but have now come to a better understanding of each other.

[witabix]

Everthing above posted by me was a load of horses***, she lied, lied, lied and lied again.

 

She was a total liar.

 

THIS DOES NOT APPLY TO ALL WOMEN.

 

NOT ALL WOMEN ARE LIARS, and I will not have that said.

[clandestinidad]

Witabix.....I really feel for you, and what you've just found out. Deception cuts like a knife. You're so much better than this, and you dont deserve any of this s*** that she's put you through.

 

I'm thinking about you, and hoping that you are okay. Between this post and the thread you started not too long ago, its obvious that you've been hit pretty hard (emotionally and physically; your thumb apparently).

 

I will be thinking about you all night, and until I see you posting again. You bring so much to these boards, and its obvious you bring a lot to people you care about too. I really hope you come back soon and let us know how youre doing and what youre thinking. We care about you a lot.

[witabix]

Thanks Kat, I haven't gone quite yet.

 

Thank you so much for your support.

 

It means a great deal to me at this time.

[Lishy]

What happened?