Dottie160 Posted September 5 Share Posted September 5 Hello! I met this great guy on an app about 2 months ago. He was very upfront about the fact that he was fresh out of a long term relationship and was still figuring it out. I was in a weird place myself so I was not looking for anything serious either, just wanted to have fun, so we met up and slept together on the first night. It was pretty much a booty call as we both needed it badly and that was supposed to be it. But he ended up staying until the next morning because we got to talking and realized we had a lot in common, had a very similar perspective on pretty much everything, and the conversation was flowing. We didn't expect it at all but we connected deeply. So we kept talking, texting, exchanging voice messages. We continued to spend nights talking and we saw each other a few other times and the physical/emotional connection was very intense. We shared personal stuff like childhood stories and pictures. It lasted about a month until he started to take some distance, all the while being transparent about needing to focus on himself and worrying we were getting too close too fast as he had just gotten out of a big thing that he needed to process. I tried to be understanding and supportive of his situation but at some point his replies were hours and sometimes days later. I was getting a bit frustrated and I decided to let him know. He tried to compromise at first but eventually told me he couldn't keep up as his mind was not on pursuing someone at the moment. So he let me go, saying it was unfair of him to keep asking me to compromise because I deserved someone who could fully commit to me, and we amicably ended it. He said maybe we could reconnect at some point when he made it through. I told him to reach out if he felt like it. It's only been a week, but I miss him very much and I don't know if I should tell him. Our connection was something I very seldom find and he said the intensity was there but was sad because it was bad timing. I feel like he should know it was special to me in case he feels the same way. But at the same time I don't want to make him feel bad or put pressure given his situation. What do you think I should do? Do you think he might even get in touch eventually? Thank you so much in advance for your feedback. 😊 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted September 5 Share Posted September 5 Absolutely not ! The man rejected you and he will reject you again. It was a 2 month adventure and now it's over. You need to move on. Now you've learned you're not made for hookups. In a couple of weeks you will feel better. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted September 5 Share Posted September 5 He wasn't ready for a relationship and therefore couldn't meet your needs when you were talking. It's only been a week apart, and this isn't enough time for him to heal...so he's still not going to meet your needs if you reconnected Meanwhile, it's good to know that you do feel you're ready to be in a relationship now - so get yourself back out there. But make sure to avoid guys who are "still figuring it out" like the plague 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted September 5 Share Posted September 5 You shouldn’t do anything, and please don’t hope that he’ll get in touch again. He doesn’t want to have a serious relationship with you and he’s made it clear. You and he are therefore incompatible. Chasing him after he has rejected you will only make him feel awkward or perhaps annoyed, and definitely won’t make him like you more. To you, it will be akin to scratching a fresh wound. The wound needs time to heal, so leave it alone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted September 6 Share Posted September 6 Oh come on. I'm sorry to be blunt - but HE TOLD YOU WHERE HE WAS COMING FROM. And now he is showing you that he meant it. I'm sure he knows you "miss" him since you did everything you could to try to reel him in. If he decides he wants a relationship after all, and with you, he knows exactly how to find you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 6 Share Posted September 6 8 hours ago, CAB390 said: I feel like he should know it was special to me in case he feels the same way I don't mean to be insensitive, but he doesn't. If he did, he would still be there. I agree that timing probably is not good for him, and he was upfront he was fresh off a break-up. That's never a great starting point for a new relationship. In the future, steer clear of men who tell you this (unless you are truly fine with casual, no-strings fun) Unfortunately, this is a dead-end. He may get back in touch at some point, but I would concentrate on moving forward instead. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted September 6 Share Posted September 6 He's trying to let you down gently. If he was into you he'd forget that ex with surprising ease. Don't contact him, he's over it . Link to post Share on other sites
FredEire Posted September 6 Share Posted September 6 16 hours ago, CAB390 said: Hello! I met this great guy on an app about 2 months ago. He was very upfront about the fact that he was fresh out of a long term relationship and was still figuring it out. I was in a weird place myself so I was not looking for anything serious either, just wanted to have fun, so we met up and slept together on the first night. It was pretty much a booty call as we both needed it badly and that was supposed to be it. But he ended up staying until the next morning because we got to talking and realized we had a lot in common, had a very similar perspective on pretty much everything, and the conversation was flowing. We didn't expect it at all but we connected deeply. So we kept talking, texting, exchanging voice messages. We continued to spend nights talking and we saw each other a few other times and the physical/emotional connection was very intense. We shared personal stuff like childhood stories and pictures. It lasted about a month until he started to take some distance, all the while being transparent about needing to focus on himself and worrying we were getting too close too fast as he had just gotten out of a big thing that he needed to process. I tried to be understanding and supportive of his situation but at some point his replies were hours and sometimes days later. I was getting a bit frustrated and I decided to let him know. He tried to compromise at first but eventually told me he couldn't keep up as his mind was not on pursuing someone at the moment. So he let me go, saying it was unfair of him to keep asking me to compromise because I deserved someone who could fully commit to me, and we amicably ended it. He said maybe we could reconnect at some point when he made it through. I told him to reach out if he felt like it. It's only been a week, but I miss him very much and I don't know if I should tell him. Our connection was something I very seldom find and he said the intensity was there but was sad because it was bad timing. I feel like he should know it was special to me in case he feels the same way. But at the same time I don't want to make him feel bad or put pressure given his situation. What do you think I should do? Do you think he might even get in touch eventually? Thank you so much in advance for your feedback. 😊 It's a tale as old as time really. Two people start dating casually, one starts feeling it a bit more, one doesn't. The key bit I want to highlight is "our connection was something I very seldom find", you have to rethink that. Your feelings for him were something you very seldom experience, but he didn't feel the same way. I don't think that's to say he was playing you and just wanted sex, a comment I see a lot on here about this kind of situation. From the sound of it he was quite honest that he wasn't ready for another relationship, but enjoyed spending time with you. The only thing I think he shouldn't have done was dangling that carrot about reconnecting in the future, that's not fair. I think you just have to move on now, telling him you miss him and getting a lukewarm response will just make it hurt more in the end. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 6 Share Posted September 6 17 hours ago, CAB390 said: It's only been a week, but I miss him very much and I don't know if I should tell him. Our connection was something I very seldom find and he said the intensity was there but was sad because it was bad timing. I feel like he should know it was special to me in case he feels the same way. But at the same time I don't want to make him feel bad or put pressure given his situation. What do you think I should do? Do you think he might even get in touch eventually? Thank you so much in advance for your feedback. He already knows that he is special to you and that you are really into him. He doesn't want to get into a serious relationship right now. He needs time to heal from his last relationship. Most people who come out of long relationships want to date around before they settle back into a 1 on 1 relationship. That might take a year or more to get that out of their system. However, I don't think his feelings for you match yours for him. Even though long term relationship partners do take their time to get into another relationship before they settle back down, if they have extremely strong feelings for someone they will go ahead and commit soon because they can't help themselves. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Leihla_B Posted September 6 Share Posted September 6 18 hours ago, CAB390 said: It's only been a week, but I miss him very much and I don't know if I should tell him. I would not, as it would just confirm that you want more from him than he's willing to give. It might be helpful to research 'rebounding,' because it's a thing. Timing is important for people who are freshly broken from a LTR. The guy is wise to recognize that leapfrogging to a new relationship--regardless of whatever casual terms you want to apply to it--can distract a person from investing in their own ability to stabilize solo. If you pull back now, you will thank yourself later, regardless of whether he gets back in touch when he's in better head space, or whether this just frees you to find someone else who is fabulous and who you may have otherwise missed. Head high. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Helen A Posted September 6 Share Posted September 6 I am so sorry and I can honestly feel your pain, I have been in a similar situation. please don’t contact him again. give it time you will be okay I promise 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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