random tears Posted January 3, 2006 Share Posted January 3, 2006 I have this dilemma that is making me really very queasy and uneasy.. Let me give some brief backround info as short as possible.. My man works at a high end restaurant at nite. LAST YEARS EVENTS: All last year he would come home well past the 10:00 closing time, citing that I don’t know how restaurants are, that even if they close at 10:00, that doesn’t mean that all the people are finished eating and that everyone has to wait for the stragglers so to speak. Understandable enough…..However, he would come home at 12:00 or pretty close to it. One time, on Valentines day, he came home close to 1:00. There has been a once or twice time that he would come home angry and upset. I could never get him to divulge but have been pretty sure it had something to do with the restaurant as he had been there all nite and was fine before he left. Well, he works with a woman there, and I know he had become pretty close with her, close enough to talk about our private bedroom matters, close enough to tell me that I need to use an IUD to prevent pregnancy, and when I asked him how the heck he knew what one of these things were (because I barely know what they are) he says that the girl at his work told him about it. When asked how they got on that unusual topic, he said “no, because I was telling her that I thought you may be pregnant and she said “oh (insert name) why didn’t she use protection, like an IUD”? Now, call me crazy, but what business of this was hers, and why was she talking down about my possible pregnancy dilemma? What I mean to say is, normally when a person tells another person that their significant other is pregnant, it is usually a “congratulations” type thing, not a “why didn’t you or she use protection” type thing. But whatever, for all I know he probably approached the whole scenario with her like it was a bad thing. Furthermore, maybe I am old fashioned but that is kind of an intimate discussion to have with the opposite of sex, don’t you? I had asked him in the past if he had an attraction for her and he said “She is married and has kids” Okay, that doesn’t answer the question…. Also, last year he came home with dark maroon lipstick on his sleeve. I freaked out (naturally) and he swore up and down that it was this old lady that was mad at him and did it because she knew I was a jealous girlfriend and she was mad at him. How did she know I was a jealous girlfriend? Running his mouth too much or to someone in particular? This year I find out that the old woman who put the lipstick mark on his sleeve was actually the AUNT of the woman in question. …hmmmm Okay, that was all last year, Now flashing forward to this year… As any normal gal would do, I asked him if she was pretty. (hey, we all do it in some way shape or form) And his normal responses would be: So so Shes alright Shes chunky Yeah, shes pretty Or no. When I asked him about her, he said “she’s short”…okay, that was weird. Shes short? Well, so is half of America…..but he refused to divulge any more than that. I actually met her not too long ago, and she was definitely a little more than short. She was pretty, and she was the same height as I am…My man was really weird around her, they were both weird, flirty and eyes only for each other but trying to be polite to me, giggly and crap, you know… Since I met her, she calls my man at nite and they both say it is work related and by listening I know it is, but she has become more pushy, wanting him to trade spaces with her for work, and if he says no she pouts to the point where he will say “no, I cant,” but it sounds more like he is refusing a lover than a friend. We have gotten into little tiffs about her here and there, and each time he has blown up, his reactions have been real strong and a little scary. I have told him time and again that I do not want a man who wants another woman, but his response is always that he loves me, but I cant help but think that maybe things would be a little different if… She wasn’t married, and didn’t have kids…… Between him and I, things have been so beautiful and special and perfect for the last 2 weeks. So wonderful that I actually have a little resentment because for the past year he has never been so attentive and loving and supportive as he has for these 2 weeks. Never. It is like I had a different man. For Christmas he got me a very expensive jewelry item. He is known to be very stingy with his money. As of yesterday, he started up again. Being uncaring and rude and thinking only of himself again. My question is this: How can I determine (besides asking him flat out because that did not work, he only flies off the handle when I bring her up) if he really wants to be with her and I am just his second pick because she was already taken? And if this is the case, that I am second, then I will always be second, and she will always be married with kids (unless they do something about it) Then I don’t want to hang around. I never did fare well with being second best. How can I find out without asking him? And asking her seems out of the question too. Am I crazy jealous? Are there little tests or signs or suggestions??? Link to post Share on other sites
Author random tears Posted January 3, 2006 Author Share Posted January 3, 2006 any help will be appreciated....any similar stories will be helpful as well Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted January 3, 2006 Share Posted January 3, 2006 I didn't read all you post, but enough to know something seems fishy here. I have worked at resturants in the past and yes its hard to get out of there right after closing. However coming home at 1 am is a little bit long after having closed at 10 pm. How about out of the blue one day just show up at his work about the time its supossed to close. Or maybe have a friend that he doesn't know go in and have a drink or something. See if they can tell what time he is leaving and what may or may not be going on. Just a suggestion. Jade Link to post Share on other sites
Author random tears Posted January 3, 2006 Author Share Posted January 3, 2006 it just seems weird. and Jade Star that is great advice, my trouble now is finding someone he doesnt know ...you mention you worked at a restaurant in the past, what was the scene like? flirty, cheating, or comraderie? Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted January 3, 2006 Share Posted January 3, 2006 The place I worked was more a family type of atmoshpere. Does he work at a bar? Is he just a waiter or a bar tender, or maybe a manager? I know sometimes managers can get out from a resturant later sometimes from closing up etc. Jade Link to post Share on other sites
Author random tears Posted January 5, 2006 Author Share Posted January 5, 2006 No he is a busboy and sometimes a waiter. I guess my issue is more : Do we hang on to our love if we know that they are secretly pining over another? and if they are, how do we know, and does everyone do that to some extent or another?? Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted January 5, 2006 Share Posted January 5, 2006 No he is a busboy and sometimes a waiter. I guess my issue is more : Do we hang on to our love if we know that they are secretly pining over another? and if they are, how do we know, and does everyone do that to some extent or another?? Well the first thing you need to do is find out for sure if he is "pining' over another. If they are, chances are you will find out some way or another. Jade Link to post Share on other sites
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