BVB Posted September 6, 2024 Share Posted September 6, 2024 My long-term partner of 15 years is breaking up with me because I have no backbone and could not stand up to my elderly father while we are attempting to be caregivers in his house. I am heartbroken and empty and sad and depressed. Outside of this we seem to have a really strong relationship. I deal with abandonment issues and I’ve tended to be a people pleaser and self sacrificing. My partner said I needed to change or he would have to walk because he has no respect for someone. whose a coward. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted September 6, 2024 Share Posted September 6, 2024 You haven't said otherwise, so I'm assuming that your father is demanding and/or a bully and I'm so sorry you have to deal with that. Thing is though, while you may be a people pleaser and self sacrificing, it doesn't mean that your partner should have to deal with the fallout from your lack of boundaries. If the marriage is having a negative impact from your alleged lack of boundaries this then he's right to be telling you that this is a deal breaker for him. I don't like that your husband calls you a coward though. Is this the first time the issue has been raised, or has he been complaining for some time and he's started using stronger words in an attempt to get you to listen and understand? All that said, your previous thread talks about your marriage struggling after your husband having an affair. Could it be that he had one foot out the door anyway? Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted September 6, 2024 Share Posted September 6, 2024 A husband who has cheated on you, called you a coward, and is now breaking up with you because of your relationship with your father, which is none of his business? Looks like a good riddance to me. I understand that you’re in pain, but time will pass and you’ll understand that you’re better off without that man in your life. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 6, 2024 Share Posted September 6, 2024 5 hours ago, BVB said: Outside of this we seem to have a really strong relationship Yet this is the same man who had an affair? Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted September 6, 2024 Share Posted September 6, 2024 Do you have a specific question or more are looking for sympathy generally? You don't give a lot of details about what you didn't "stand up" to. Is it possible you've "normalized" emotional abuse? Could your father/experiences as a child have something to do with that? Is it possible you've elected to stay with a partner who perpetuates that? Are you in therapy? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Leihla_B Posted September 6, 2024 Share Posted September 6, 2024 What happened with the care of your father that upset him? Do you agree with his reaction, or are you possibly standing up for yourself and your father and what you believe is right? (Wouldn't that be ironic?) Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted September 7, 2024 Share Posted September 7, 2024 What's going on with dad? How much of your time does he take up, and does he treat you with respect? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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