at his mercy

[jennie]

hello...i hope i stayed away long enough for everybody to get a break from me...but i'm back with a sincere question.

 

i have been having these medical problems, hypothyroid, hypoglycemia and anxiety attacks...all inter related, i'm sure...

 

i lost my job because of all these problems and my b'f has been supportive during this time and has helped me with my bills and has asked only that i help him out at home, which i have gladly done...

 

now, my problem is this: i am starting to feel better again and have returned to a new job with my own clients and am back on my feet pretty much...

 

however because of the amount of help my b'f has given me i am still doing every little thing he asks of me, anything!

 

i am not complaining about doing these things for the most part, it is just that at times, i still do not feel well and i am now afraid to tell him i don't want to do something because i do not feel well at this/that time.

 

i don't want him to get mad at me and or think i am using him, which of course i am not!

 

i am now paying my way once again, but i feel somewhat trapped now that i cannot tell him "no" without repercussions.

 

i know that that is not right to have to feel this way, but i don't know how to deal with this.

 

we are in counseling and things are going really good and i don't want to mess this up now.

 

also we/he is buying a house now...huge house payment and i can't help with even half of that (yet) so i still feel at his mercy....

 

what can i do or tell him? am i being selfish if i don't want to help him at a particular time? i do it anyway, but feel some resentment doing it, but i hide it very well.

 

i do love him and i am very grateful towards him, and i hope i'm not confusing love and gratitude....

 

i don't use people, so please don't think that this is the case...i'd leave him before i ever did that to him or anybody...i just don't want to feel at his mercy....thank you for any advise...jen

[Tony T]

If you don't feel free to tell your boyfriend when you aren't feeling well, you are in a pretty worthless relationship.

 

Just because he has helped you in the past doesn't make you his indentured servant for a lifetime. You are a human being with feelings. If you want to get your relationship on the road to recovery, you've got to feel free to communicate with him.

 

As long as you are afraid of upsetting your boyfriend...or that you are as you said "at his mercy", you are not in a relationship but in a prison.

 

Speak your mind when you don't feel well. Let your boyfriend know you'll take care of things when you feel better.

 

I think your boyfriend is a real bxstard for expecting a lot out of you just because he has helped you. I hope one day you get this mess all straighted out. In the meantime, speak your mind...in a kind way.