Retroactive Jealousy, My Wife, Her Friends and Her Ex

[Nellea]

On 9/11/2024 at 7:02 AM, texasguy1982 said:

My wife has a past. Of course, so does everyone else, me included. The issue here is a little different. She had a boyfriend on and off through part of high school and part of college, and she and he were pretty wild, in terms of typical partying, drinking, drugs etc, but also sexually. She's referred to it in the past, usually limiting it to general 'wildness' but her high school friends generally feel the need to comment on it too. And she definitely holds me at a distance when we're around those friends, even though we're in our 40s. Our sex life has certainly slowed down, but we've been married for a while and have a couple of kids. Am I crazy that this stuff bothers me? Is there a deeper meaning to it I'm missing or am I just being insecure? 

hmmm … I’m just wondering, other than the HS friends… is she still in contact with this guy at all? 
 

[texasguy1982]

11 hours ago, Nellea said:

hmmm … I’m just wondering, other than the HS friends… is she still in contact with this guy at all? 
 

Nope - we moved back to our hometown a few years ago, and her ex still lives here as well. But no one in our group or her extended high school group has any contact with him that I know of. I can’t say I’ve seen him in the 10+ years we’ve been back

[jwrtx44]

My (34M) wife (34F) has a male friend (34M) that she’s known her whole life. He’s close to her family, is best friends with her brother, etc. This friend and my wife dated briefly in high school but remained essentially platonic friends within a larger friend group ever since. She included him in the guest list at our wedding, and I had no problem with it. At one point during the reception, he pulled me aside and said “is it weird for you that I’ve seen your wife naked?” I was appalled to say the least. I walked away, and wasn’t going to say anything to anyone about it but my best man noticed my face when this guy pulled me aside. I told my best man what was said, and he wanted to roll on the guy. I wanted the wedding to be about her and our future, and if we did anything to the friend, that would be the story. I kept cool (barely) and have essentially kept this to myself ever since, as has my best man.

Fast forward four years to the present day. This old friend of my wife’s was at a party we attended, and both she and I visited with him a few times throughout the evening. When we were driving home she asked me why I didn’t really speak to him. I tried to lie but she could tell something was up so I told her what had happened at the wedding. It didn’t seem to bother her that much, which surprised me, as it still bothers the hell out of me. I feel a little at a crossroads as to what to do. It’s been four years, so should I just let it go? Should I ask my wife not to have any contact with the guy? It’s taking up a lot of space in my head, so I need to figure it out.

[Gaeta]

Is it possible it's taking a lot of space in your head because you did not kick his sorry arse out the venue? It's too late now. You cannot have your wife pay for something you regret not doing. This is not about him seeing his ex-gf naked. This is about disrespecting you & your wife & on your wedding day. Was he drunk? If he was then be the bigger man and let it go. Drunk people say stupid things.