Feeling Trapped in My Marriage – How do I Move Forward Without Losing My Child?

[Karol222344]

I’ve been married for 11 years, and I’m feeling really unsure about things in my relationship. My husband has always been quite impulsive and expects things to go the way he wants. For example, I’ve always had long hair, and when I recently cut it shorter, he told me I looked like a guy and that I wasn’t attractive anymore. He even said, “I’m not gay.” He also expects sex every second day, and if I’m not in the mood, he compares it to going without food for two days.

He’s admitted that his priorities come first because he’s a man and says that as a woman, I should be dependent on him. He’s taken all my cards, and though he tells me I can leave, he says he’ll keep our child. There have been instances where he’s hit me but claims it’s my fault because of something I did. I’ve tried going back to work, but he’s either disapproved of the salary or the hours.

My mental health has really taken a toll, and I’m scared. I don’t have family here in the U.S., and I’m worried about leaving and potentially losing my child. I’m currently looking for a job to gain independence, but I feel stuck. How do I move forward without risking losing my kid?

[Gaeta]

Reach to a woman's shelter and they will help you leave, they will assist you in finding a home, work, legal help, custody. They will offer you mental support and explain to you that a mother does not 'lose' her child unless she is found unfit and to find a mother unfit there needs to be a long documented history of abuse. His threats are part of his manipulation, all abusers use these threats to keep control over their partner. 

[stillafool]

Was he this way before you married him or did he do a 180 after you married?  I agree with Gaeta take yourself and your child to a shelter, they will assist you in leaving him.  If you are a good mother you will not lose your child, so stop worrying about that.  Just get away from him. How can you look for a job when you know he won't approve it? You have to find the courage to leave, if not for yourself, do it for your child.

Edited September 12 by stillafool

[semble]

See an attorney who will assist you on obtaining a restraining order based on the history of abuse. That gets him kicked out of his house and gives you possession of the marital residence and sole custody. It's temporary but he'll have an uphill battle going forward. 
 

Ultimately you'll most likely end up with the house, primary custody and spousal maintenance and child support which will hold you over until you get regular employment. 

 

[Leihla_B]

Consider contacting the link below for a referral to counseling that's local to you. There are people who are trained to help you get safe. They can offer you resources not generally known to the public, including legal aid and financial help.

There are also other domestic violence prevention hotlines available on the Internet.

National Domestic Violence Hotline