hoozierbond Posted September 13 Share Posted September 13 I have been married for six years to a beautiful woman. She is truly the love of my life. 5'6, blonde, tan, fit, great figure...picture the most popular cheerleader from your high school. We do not have kids yet. I have noticed more and more that she flirts with other men. She says she has never "crossed the line" but only flirts. When I asked what "the line" is, she just says, "you know." I don't think she has had sex with another man, but other things I am not so sure about. She's very touchy with my friends and flirts in front of me. I just wonder if it goes beyond flirting when I'm not around, and I'm not sure how I would feel about that. I know that "open relationships" are becoming more common, and I might be okay with something like that, but only if it's truly open and honest. I don't want things happening secretly. I don't know if I'm even making sense. My mind is going a million different places. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted September 13 Share Posted September 13 Would you wife be willing to have you flirt in the same manner with other women in front of her as well? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 13 Share Posted September 13 2 hours ago, hoozierbond said: I don't think she has had sex with another man The fact that you can't confidently assert that you wife hasn't had sex with anyone else is concerning. 2 hours ago, hoozierbond said: but other things I am not so sure about And this is concerning as well. 2 hours ago, hoozierbond said: She says she has never "crossed the line" but only flirts. When I asked what "the line" is, she just says, "you know." Don't accept that answer. Tell her to explain clearly what her "line" is. 2 hours ago, hoozierbond said: She's very touchy with my friends and flirts in front of me. Can you give an example of how she touches them or what her flirty behaviour consists of? Link to post Share on other sites
Author hoozierbond Posted September 13 Author Share Posted September 13 36 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: Don't accept that answer. Tell her to explain clearly what her "line" is. Ok we've been talking all day about this. For her the line is penetration. She has never been penetrated by anyone else since we got married 36 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: Can you give an example of how she touches them or what her flirty behaviour consists of? Close hugs, touching arms and legs Link to post Share on other sites
Author hoozierbond Posted September 13 Author Share Posted September 13 59 minutes ago, Bryanp said: Would you wife be willing to have you flirt in the same manner with other women in front of her as well? She says it wouldn't be a big deal Link to post Share on other sites
happyhorizons Posted September 13 Share Posted September 13 This does not seem like a marriage that is destined to last. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted September 13 Share Posted September 13 If she does it to the extent that it makes you uncomfortable, or makes you feel invisible, or makes you feel that you can't trust her, it's a problem. Obviously you've already made it clear to her that you don't like it, but if it's part of her personality there's not a lot you can do. You can change behaviour but you can't change personality. Has she always been like this, and does she fawn over women as well or just men? If she fawns over everyone, male and female, it's just her, like a dog that gets over-excited whenever it sees a another dog, and it's probably nothing to worry about, but if it's just men that might indicate that she's actually very insecure and craves male attention to feed a fragile ego. It's seriously irritating behaviour from a partner and you have good reason to call her out on it. 48 minutes ago, hoozierbond said: She says it wouldn't be a big deal I'll call BS on that. It would be a big deal, attention-seekers don't like it when someone else gets the attention. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted September 13 Share Posted September 13 If penetration is to her crossing the line, then passionate kissing and simulated lovemaking keeping their clothes on is acceptable. I feel sorry for you my friend. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted September 13 Share Posted September 13 Her definition of where to draw the line would not be acceptable to me in a relationship partner/spouse. In life, you get what you are willing to accept. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted September 14 Share Posted September 14 4 hours ago, hoozierbond said: Ok we've been talking all day about this. For her the line is penetration. She has never been penetrated by anyone else since we got married Do you accept that? Are you okay with her passionately kissing and erotically touching other men? Mutually masturbating with other men? Giving handjobs to other men? Dry-jumping other men? Receiving oral sex from other men? If the answer to these is “no” (like mine would be), then she has been cheating on you and doesn’t seem to regret it. You appear to have incompatible values and views about monogamous relationships. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Leihla_B Posted September 14 Share Posted September 14 8 hours ago, hoozierbond said: For her the line is penetration. She sounds pretty fast 'n loose with your marriage vows. What was your response when she said this? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 14 Share Posted September 14 8 hours ago, hoozierbond said: For her the line is penetration. Wow. I would not stay married to someone who thinks that everything up to penetration isn't crossing a line. Get rid of her and find a quality woman. She ain't it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted September 14 Share Posted September 14 If she has a need for that much male attention besides you - this is likely to always cause concern. her boundary leaves her a lot of room for blatant cheating. i would wonder why she married you if she thinks she will still do many sexual acts with other men…causing you harm. tell her no. If she thinks it will hurt you she shouldn’t be doing these things. id worry she really doesn’t respect you. She is willing to embarrass you and hurt you to get her ego feed. I don’t think she should have gotten married. is she willing to do long term counseling to figure out why she needs so much male attention? And how to change that for the sake of the marriage? Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted September 14 Share Posted September 14 20 hours ago, hoozierbond said: She is truly the love of my life. 5'6, blonde, tan, fit, great figure...picture the most popular cheerleader from your high school. She is the love of your life because she's a hottie? That's what happens when we search for a partner and we forget that beauty has to come with integrity, loyalty, character, honesty. Your beautiful wife gives blow jobs around and then come home and kisses you. That's the reality. Think carefully if you want this to be the norm in your relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
happyhorizons Posted September 14 Share Posted September 14 6 hours ago, S2B said: If she has a need for that much male attention besides you - this is likely to always cause concern. her boundary leaves her a lot of room for blatant cheating. i would wonder why she married you if she thinks she will still do many sexual acts with other men…causing you harm. tell her no. If she thinks it will hurt you she shouldn’t be doing these things. id worry she really doesn’t respect you. She is willing to embarrass you and hurt you to get her ego feed. I don’t think she should have gotten married. is she willing to do long term counseling to figure out why she needs so much male attention? And how to change that for the sake of the marriage? This thread is very strange and just because you (a M) is with a gorgeous woman does not mean she will/would act this promiscuous. Link to post Share on other sites
Gforce77i Posted September 16 Share Posted September 16 Im sorry my friend, we have a term for this type of behaviour in a girl, we'd say: "she's for the streets".. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hoozierbond Posted September 18 Author Share Posted September 18 We have had some intense conversations over the past few days and have come to an understanding. Thanks for all of your input but we simply have different views than the folks here. Link to post Share on other sites
happyhorizons Posted September 18 Share Posted September 18 So what boundaries or guidelines have you set up? What’s acceptable and what’s unacceptable? Link to post Share on other sites
Author hoozierbond Posted September 18 Author Share Posted September 18 3 minutes ago, happyhorizons said: So what boundaries or guidelines have you set up? What’s acceptable and what’s unacceptable? We are keeping the no penetration rule. Everything else is ok, and that's for both of us, not just her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jasonblackheart01 Posted September 18 Share Posted September 18 She wants some attention, that's clearly a gist of it. Clearly your affection is not enough for her. Base on past history according to you, she must have tons of admirers from the past. I'm confuse, what it exactly is her limit? Is it the sex thing? and why are you open about this? Are your not confident in your performance in bed? Problem in junk size? Clearly your not enough for her, so what's her standard? And why are you letting her flirt in front of you? Is this your marriage play? And clearly your not oppose to the open relationship, what's up with that? Link to post Share on other sites
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