Girl at work (revisited)

[blue16]

For those of you who are not familiar with my situation I posted a couple months ago, there is this girl at work who I started flirting with and got to know better. This is different from the girl that I posted about in the Business Relationships section, the girl who I suspect likes another guy where I work.

 

Anyways with this girl, I got the impression that she liked me, based on our constant flirting and her subtle jealousy when I was flirting with other girls or I mentioned one of them was hot, etc.

 

The only problem for me that she is overweight, (more than just 10-20 pounds). Other than her weight problem I think she's beautiful, but this issue is the only thing keeping me from making a move. I thought about possibly being 'friends' with her a couple months ago...thinking we could hang out outside of work but because of some advice from the forum - I decided not to. People were saying (and I agreed) that I would only become more attached to her by spending time together, but knowing that it probably wouldn't go further because of the weight issues I can't get over. In addition, the fact that I suspect she is interested in me, a poster said that it would be unfair to 'string her along' in a psuedo friendship.

 

But it's been a few months since this whole thing started, and only seeing her once a week for 10-15 minutes (we are both busy with our jobs) just isn't doing it for me anymore. I really miss her and think about her a lot, so i want to do SOMETHING so I can atleast talk with her outside of work. I was considering asking for her MSN so we can chat occasionally and then see where that takes us. I'm very hesistant though, because although I do miss her often, when I only see someone once a week I can (hopefully) keep my feelings in check. But if I start seeing her outside of work, we'll be chatting a lot and it's not gonna help these feelings subside. But at the same time, I really enjoy her company and I like spending time with her at work.

 

Is it right to pursue a casual friendship (asking for her MSN, for example), or something outside of simply 'work acquaintences' or am I just setting myself up for another heartbreak if I decide to talk/hang out with her even more than I alrdy am? I mean if I don't do anything, and I'm only seeing her once a week for 10 minutes at work, I shouldn't get too attached, but at the I also really miss her company. I've pretty much decided to atleast ask for her MSN...but if there is a harsh disagreement then I may reconsider.

[loony]

So, your weak heart is already attached to her and your steadfast brain tells you, you don't want her because she is overweight. I think you shouldn't let this weight issue hinder you in pursuing more. If someone has this 'longing' feeling for another person there is already some romance involved.

 

Also, her weight is not something set in stone, it still can change.

[Lucasarts]

um what is more important to you here

 

her weight or the feelings you're gettin from her?

 

its really your decision not ours man

 

go with what you feel is best for yourself and your heart (corny i know so shoot me k?)

[Yamaha]

If someone has this 'longing' feeling for another person there is already some romance involved.

 

I agree. If you miss her that much then there is more than mere friendship at work. I think you need to re-evaluate how you really feel about this girl and if her weight is really the issue or your fear may be something else entirely.

[kitten chick]

It's interesting, the way you described her, it doesn't sound as though you are concerned about your attraction to her at her current weight. It sounds like you are concerned about what others will think about you for dating someone who is overweight, as though it would be ok to be friends with an overweight woman but not date them.

 

I can see why it would be difficult at a young age, as you get older the opinions of your peers matter less, or they should if you are maturing, but when you're young peer approval is pivotal. Think about what you want and what would make you happy. Who knows, she could drop all of the weight in the next few months and guys will fall all over her. You could end up being sorry you missed your chance.

[blue16]

It's interesting, the way you described her, it doesn't sound as though you are concerned about your attraction to her at her current weight. It sounds like you are concerned about what others will think about you for dating someone who is overweight, as though it would be ok to be friends with an overweight woman but not date them.

 

Yup that's definitely part of it. I'm pretty young and although there is not as much peer evaluation as I was when I was in high school, I still care about what friends/acquaintences will think to some degree.

 

The other problem is that I'm not sexually attracted to her (because she is overweight). She is very cute, and although I'd love to make out with her, I don't want to go any further.

[barfool]

From reading your post it sounds like you already have some "more-than-friends" feelings for her but are resisting because of the weight thing. It seems to me like you only have two options:

 

1) Distance yourself from her until your feelings subside.

2) Pursue talking/hanging out with her which will lead to you guys getting involved romantically.

 

For me, the first option is very cowardly. Your letting fears about what other people think change your feelings. I think everyone is capable of being attracted to someone of any size if the personality is great and you click. This seems to be the case with you, so why fight it?