Can't get him out of my mind...

[Elle]

This may sound pathetic to some and romantic to others...

 

A few months ago I visited Cairo, Egypt on business. A few months prior to that I had ended a relationship which was a mutually agreed-upon move, no tears, no regrets, etc., etc. I was enjoying my independence, freedom. The job was going really well. Everything was just fine, and I was in no hurry to get involved again. Then I find myself in North Africa, and on my second day there I meet a man that I felt from the first moment was my soulmate, the one meant for me. He was pretty good-looking too, very charming, well educated, successful ... and married. I knew then just as I know now what that wedding ring means - nothing good! Run the other way! The fact that he was a Muslim didn't help either - divorces are still relatively uncommon in that part of the world. I understood it all in my mind, but my heart refused to cooperate. Firstly, I had nowhere to run - we were "stuck" together in a business situation, day after day, for a week. Secondly, how could I ignore all the bells ringing and all the fireworks?! Such powerful attraction, love, whatever from the first sight doesn't happen very often, does it?

 

At first we talked - about everything and nothing at all, but the attraction extended far beyond the words. It was as if I had known him (or of him) all my life. Everything felt right about him, like pieces of the puzzle that were falling into places - except the ring he wore.

 

The mutual pull gradually escalated as time went on. The fact that it was taking place in Cairo only enhanced the feeling of my playing the leading role in some romantic movie - it was all so incredibly surreal, exotic, colorful, rich...

 

He was always around. We were always finding ways to be together, to exchange a glance, a joke. We were among 300 people, but these people were almost non-existent. Through all that, there was no physical contact, nothing provocative or suggestive was ever said.

 

I was leaving Cairo and going to Alexandria for 2 days before flying home. He followed me to Alexandria under the pretext of some business meeting or other. (There may very well have been one, I will never know. Although it was Friday - a day off in Egypt - and the timing was just too perfect.) We met in the evening, on the shores of the Mediterranean, under the moon and the stars. We were both speechless and both had tears in our eyes. He kissed me then - an almost chaste kiss, but he would not let go of my hand, would not let me go. What remained unspoken between us was as clear as could be. It made no difference - he was returning to Cairo, to his family, and I was flying back to the States.

 

Now, several months later, the worst of the pain is over, but the sense of loss stays with me. I cannot get him out of my mind, yet there is nothing I can do. He sent me a card 2 months ago - a very nice one, telling me that he misses me. I have not responded to it yet, and I don't know if I should.

 

I keep telling myself that in time it will all be in the past, just a nice romantic memory. Still, I can't make myself forget how I felt when I was with him, and that amazing sense of subliminal connection between us.

 

What should I do? Should I fight and try to win him? But how?

 

Or should I try to forget him and move on? But how?

 

Does anyone have similar stories?

[Tony T]

Wow, what a pathetically colorful romantic story. I couldn't stop reading it...I read it three times.

 

1. What should I do?

 

Write romantic novels and find a publisher.

 

2. Should I fight and try to win him?

 

No, you will never win in this situation. I'm sure you aren't the first lady he's flirted with outside of his marriage and you won't be the last. He probably has this happen all the time. He's probably very alluring to the foreign ladies who come to Egypt on holiday. He's probably got his modus operandi down pat by now. I'm astounded that he didn't try to get you to bed...but I'm sure he goes for the prize with others.

 

3. But how?

 

By not contacting him anymore, not emailing him, not responding to him, and basically realizing that he is a married man who cheats on his wife...certainly someone who you would not want for more than just what you already got.

 

4. Or should I try to forget him and move on?

 

Not only should you try to forget him, but if you aren't able to on your own see if your medical insurance will cover a lobotomy. This guy doesn't belong anywhere in your thoughts...or in your computer, except in the recycle bin...and you should empty that as well.

 

5. But how?

 

You might start with finding someone who is not married. It might be a good idea to look for men in your geographical area.

 

If you are particularly fond of Egypt, see if there are some Egyptian Museums or amusement parks in your area where you could go and meet guys in a similar atmosphere.

 

You must realize that having an affair with a slimey married man in America is one thing, but trying to steal away a Muslim man from a marriage in Egypt is a ball game way out of your league. Challenge or not, forget it!!!

 

6. Does anyone have similar stories?

 

From time to time, I have married women try to seduce me. They do so out of a grudge they have going for their husbands, or because they are bored, or because they're not getting enough sex, etc., etc. There are many reasons. But I don't respond. They can find enough takers elsewhere. Life can be complicated enough without creating crap from seeing married people.

 

I think you really got caught up with the exotic romance aspect of this. You were in a vulnerable state, having recently ended a relationship that was sort of devoid of emotion. You were looking for something special and you obviously found it (in your mind). Treasure the experience like you would enjoy a great movie. But do now as you would do when a great, touching movie is over...leave the theatre, dry your tears, and go about your business.

 

I urge you to write romance novels. Then you can write off your trips overseas as a deductible item on your income tax returns.

[sparkle]

I totally agree with what Tony wrote...especially about how romantic your post was.

 

But I a 99.99% sure that he would never divorce his wife to be with you. He may continue the affair and the romance with you but I'm almost sure he would not leave his wife.

 

Enjoy what you had while it lasted, but DO NOT get involved with married men. Don't ever stoop so low as to be the "other woman" again.

[Elle]

Thank you, Tony, for being so brutally honest. I am not brain-dead and know all this. Somehow, when a total stranger says it too, it sort of drives the message home...hopefully.

 

To make matters a bit more complicated, I will be have to be in contact with him professionally and will probably see him again in 2003. God give me strength!

 

Regarding your advise to write novels, can't say I haven't thought of it... :-)

 

Gratefylly,

 

Elle

[Tony T]

YOU WRITE: "I will be have to be in contact with him professionally and will probably see him again in 2003. God give me strength!"

 

Hey, he's got lots of flings to go between now and the next time you see him. Don't worry about that. Actually, if you can just not take this all so seriously, you could have a very nice romantic adventure again with your married buddy.

 

And, yes, I will give you strength...anytime you ask.