My boyfriend would like a boundary that we don't dance with strangers at weddings. Is he being controlling?

[folklore2093]

26 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Is this attitude of yours cultural? 

It's this feminist side of me 

[folklore2093]

17 minutes ago, introverted1 said:

Would you be ok with him getting up and seeking out a woman to dance with at the next wedding?  

Yeah probably 

[Gaeta]

11 minutes ago, folklore2093 said:

It's this feminist side of me 

Feminism is about equal rights and equal opportunities. It's not about shoving our boyfriend's feeling under the carpet without discussing it.

Is your boyfriend a controlling man in general? 

[folklore2093]

4 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Is your boyfriend a controlling man in general?

No, it's been about this I feel like he's a bit controlling about

[Gaeta]

What would it take away from your life to not have strangers touch your hips and waist you while you dance with them?

[folklore2093]

2 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

What would it take away from your life to not have strangers touch your hips and waist you while you dance with them?

I literally don't see anything wrong with that, there's nothing romantic about it

[Gaeta]

10 minutes ago, folklore2093 said:

I literally don't see anything wrong with that, there's nothing romantic about it

But it makes your boyfriend uncomfortable. Are you THIS much self-centered that you cannot even consider another person's feelings?

[Gebidozo]

6 hours ago, folklore2093 said:

Obviously I want to be with him, but I still won't sacrifice anything for anyone, not even him

Do you realize that a relationship in which one of the partners won’t sacrifice anything for the other is doomed? You might as well just break up with him now and stay single with this kind of attitude.

[Gebidozo]

2 hours ago, folklore2093 said:

It's this feminist side of me 

Are you making fun of feminism now? Please don’t, because I have the deepest respect for feminism and consider myself a feminist, even though I’m a man. Your stubbornness and unwillingness to make the slightest compromise have absolutely nothing to do with feminism.

 

[folklore2093]

2 hours ago, Gaeta said:

But it makes your boyfriend uncomfortable. Are you THIS much self-centered that you cannot even consider another person's feelings?

Like I said, that's his problem because I didn't do anything wrong. There's nothing wrong with dancing with another person

[Gaeta]

13 minutes ago, folklore2093 said:

Like I said, that's his problem because I didn't do anything wrong. There's nothing wrong with dancing with another person

Ok, no sense of repeating ourselves here, obviously you are incapable of seeing nuances in situations and it's your way or the highway. 

So this is what you have to tell your boyfriend, that, to you, dancing with strangers is more important than his feelings so no, you refuse to meet him in the middle for compromise that would suit you both.

Enjoy dancing with strangers.

[Leihla_B]

49 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

So this is what you have to tell your boyfriend, that, to you, dancing with strangers is more important than his feelings so no, you refuse to meet him in the middle for compromise that would suit you both.

Yes, you can certainly enforce your right to comply with strangers who insist that you must suffer through awkward dances you don't even enjoy just because someone who loves you has asked you not to do that.

It doesn't make much sense to say that BF can't control me, but other men can.

If the goal is to keep the BF while making a point, try losing the indignant tone, and speak with him gently. Maybe line up some video examples of people performing formal dances, especially where the partners shift to the next partner to demonstrate the cultural acceptance of dancing with multiple people. Ask him to describe what he finds objectionable about it.

Maybe he feels lousy because he doesn't know how to perform the dances common to your culture? If that's the case, might he feel better if you taught him?

[folklore2093]

4 hours ago, Leihla_B said:

Maybe he feels lousy because he doesn't know how to perform the dances common to your culture? If that's the case, might he feel better if you taught him?

He dances just fine, but you're allowed to dance with whoever you want at a wedding. The world doesn't revolve around him, maybe I don't want to dance with him all night

[folklore2093]

8 hours ago, Gaeta said:

Ok, no sense of repeating ourselves here, obviously you are incapable of seeing nuances in situations and it's your way or the highway. 

So this is what you have to tell your boyfriend, that, to you, dancing with strangers is more important than his feelings so no, you refuse to meet him in the middle for compromise that would suit you both.

Enjoy dancing with strangers.

You sound just like him sometimes when he talks about this situation. Honestly earlier this evening he got mad about me taking the other guy's hand to dance. It's not romantic in this context and I wouldn't mind if he held hands with another girl in this context