Fantasyallure Posted September 18 Share Posted September 18 I'm 24 and he just recently turned 31. His birthday made a month since we've been entertaining eachother. I met him through a mutual, he came over to my apt and came over every night 4 days in a row, he wouldn't just wake up and immediately leave either he'll stay for a hour or 2 then leave. When we first met we both disclosed we had kids, and he is open about his situation with his 1st babymother, he has another child and that child is 4-6 months old he doesn't say as much about this situation like he does the other. I know first red flag? Throughout all this we are vibing heavy and diving into each other lives, taking shower and baths together! I will say I have intimacy issues as my attachment style is DA/FA. So I'm not ever doing things like this with guys. The sex isn't quite all that good so I wouldn't say it's that either. Fast forward it's the week of or before his birthday and I mention kind of sorta telling him he has to take me to see bettlejuice he says ok lol. It's the day before his bday and he said he will probably come see me if he has time because his family was doing something for him. Next day was his birthday I said happy bday he said thanks. I said send a pic so I can see your outfit and no response from that point on. So I texted "bet f you" ! I know dramatic. He responded his brother had died on his birthday and i apologized and asked if he was fine but no response. 5 days later we hang out and he asks if the movie I want to see has came out, how he feels comfortable with me with everything going on, more about his co-parenting situation. He also said he thinks things are going great then I start spazzing on him out of nowhere which I kind of have a few times. He told me he missed me. I usually don't go on dates with guys, have personal convos it's all uncomfortable to me but then again I've been traumatized. He texted me today and said he enjoys hanging out with me and hopefully I'm free soon. Although it's been a month, I'm just trying to tread lightly here or am I missing red flags of love bombing? Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted September 18 Share Posted September 18 He's hardly love bombing ... there wasn't even one example of that in your entire post. You might want to take things a little slower yourself, though, since you seem to have doubts about his intentions. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted September 18 Share Posted September 18 I'm seeing no love from him and certainly no love bombing. Are you happy with this situation? I ask because you already have some reasonable concerns Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted September 19 Share Posted September 19 I am not seeing any lovebombing. Why do you date this guy? You don't enjoy the sex, you have worries about the fact he has a 6 month hold baby he's not talking about, you 'spazz' on him I guess because he frustrates you that much. It doesn't sound like he's making you feel good. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fantasyallure Posted September 19 Author Share Posted September 19 15 hours ago, NuevoYorko said: He's hardly love bombing ... there wasn't even one example of that in your entire post. You might want to take things a little slower yourself, though, since you seem to have doubts about his intentions. Ok so I do go about expressing to him that I would like to slow down/stop with showering and bathing etc. because it's all him initiating those things. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fantasyallure Posted September 19 Author Share Posted September 19 15 hours ago, basil67 said: I'm seeing no love from him and certainly no love bombing. Are you happy with this situation? I ask because you already have some reasonable concerns I am 50/50 i genuinely enjoy our connection together without the sex. I just don't know how to go about asking intentions or just how to move forward to get a better understanding of this Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fantasyallure Posted September 19 Author Share Posted September 19 3 minutes ago, Gaeta said: I am not seeing any lovebombing. Why do you date this guy? You don't enjoy the sex, you have worries about the fact he has a 6 month hold baby he's not talking about, you 'spazz' on him I guess because he frustrates you that much. It doesn't sound like he's making you feel good. I emphasized the sex isn't good because I genuinely enjoy the connection without the sex. Like that's not why I'm "hooked" or spazzing . It's the intimate things well to others it's not but to me it is high level intimacy as I'm not use to doing these things with someone. I'm looking for the correct / healthy questions to ask him to get a better understanding of what this is, his situation with his child's mother, and intentions. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 19 Share Posted September 19 (edited) 17 hours ago, Fantasyallure said: I met him through a mutual, he came over to my apt and came over every night 4 days in a row, he wouldn't just wake up and immediately leave either he'll stay for a hour or 2 then leave. This makes it sound like the first time he came over you gave him sex and he's been getting it every time he comes over. I'm not seeing any love bombing just sex and you don't like it. Why are you having sex with this guy? Why doesn't he take you out on dates? Edited September 19 by stillafool 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 19 Share Posted September 19 6 minutes ago, Fantasyallure said: It's the intimate things well to others it's not but to me it is high level intimacy as I'm not use to doing these things with someone. What intimate things? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fantasyallure Posted September 19 Author Share Posted September 19 Just now, stillafool said: This makes it sound like the first time he came over you gave him sex and he's been getting it every time he comes over. I'm not seeing any love bombing just sex and you don't like it. Why are you having sex with this guy? I been knew I was going to have sex with him when he came over lol....... it wasn't talked about or anything but I was that type timing with him so that don't bother me. The sex is good that is just not the thing that is making me confused or making me wanting to decide how to move forward. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fantasyallure Posted September 19 Author Share Posted September 19 1 minute ago, stillafool said: What intimate things? Showering, bathing together, and just convos we have. I usually only have casual sex relationship with guys. So I don't really do the sleepovers, diving into eachother personal life and things of that sort. I leave intimacy out of my relationships so this is confusing me a bit. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 19 Share Posted September 19 1 minute ago, Fantasyallure said: I been knew I was going to have sex with him when he came over lol....... it wasn't talked about or anything but I was that type timing with him so that don't bother me. The sex is good that is just not the thing that is making me confused or making me wanting to decide how to move forward. "The sex isn't quite all that good" is what you said in your opening post now you are back tracking. Is it or isn't it? What is making you confused? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fantasyallure Posted September 19 Author Share Posted September 19 Just now, stillafool said: "The sex isn't quite all that good" is what you said in your opening post now you are back tracking. Is it or isn't it? What is making you confused? Bruh the sex isn't the focus is what I'm tryna get yall to understand that is not why I'm hooked on the guy or tripping on him. It's the things outside of sex. It's not good to me I've had 10x better, the connection makes it good yes. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 19 Share Posted September 19 3 minutes ago, Fantasyallure said: Showering, bathing together, and just convos we have. I usually only have casual sex relationship with guys. So I don't really do the sleepovers, diving into eachother personal life and things of that sort. I leave intimacy out of my relationships so this is confusing me a bit. Do you like it or not? Why don't you want to be taken out on dates with him? Are you just looking for sex? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fantasyallure Posted September 19 Author Share Posted September 19 Just now, stillafool said: Do you like it or not? Why don't you want to be taken out on dates with him? Are you just looking for sex? I'm DA/FA so this is all confusing to me and I don't have many healthy relationships. I'm in therapy now for this. I like it but it scares me and it's confusing so the way I am I would either detach or just ghost him. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted September 19 Share Posted September 19 What do you want from him? Link to post Share on other sites
happyhorizons Posted September 19 Share Posted September 19 5 minutes ago, Fantasyallure said: Bruh the sex isn't the focus is what I'm tryna get yall to understand that is not why I'm hooked on the guy or tripping on him. It's the things outside of sex. It's not good to me I've had 10x better, the connection makes it good yes. Just take it a step at a time and see where it goes. Don't over ANALYZE things so much and if you are enjoying yourself then that is what matters most. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fantasyallure Posted September 19 Author Share Posted September 19 1 minute ago, happyhorizons said: Just take it a step at a time and see where it goes. Don't over ANALYZE things so much and if you are enjoying yourself then that is what matters most. Ok my aunt told me the same thing I'm over analyzing things. Idk it's so confusing 😭. It's this just what some people do so early on?! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fantasyallure Posted September 19 Author Share Posted September 19 2 minutes ago, Gaeta said: What do you want from him? At the moment how I feel now I would like it to be more then just enjoying eachothers time and sex and conversation not dating putting a title on us but courting me type things I guess? More than sex.... but like a guy will do for a woman he wants right? So he doesn't want to court me and take me out so why ASK a man to take me on a date? So I've been jumping between saying something to him as to why I'm stepping away or just ghosting him. I'm just confused and all around 🫠 1 Link to post Share on other sites
happyhorizons Posted September 19 Share Posted September 19 10 minutes ago, Fantasyallure said: Ok my aunt told me the same thing I'm over analyzing things. Idk it's so confusing 😭. It's this just what some people do so early on?! It’s definitely understandable (over analyzing). Let yourself have fun and see where things go as long you feel comfortable. You deserve to be happy and enjoy yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted September 19 Share Posted September 19 17 minutes ago, Fantasyallure said: At the moment how I feel now I would like it to be more then just enjoying eachothers time and sex and conversation not dating putting a title on us but courting me type things I guess? More than sex.... but like a guy will do for a woman he wants right? And you don't feel that's what he's doing? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fantasyallure Posted September 19 Author Share Posted September 19 1 hour ago, happyhorizons said: It’s definitely understandable (over analyzing). Let yourself have fun and see where things go as long you feel comfortable. You deserve to be happy and enjoy yourself. Thank you, I'm learning I'm trying. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fantasyallure Posted September 19 Author Share Posted September 19 1 hour ago, Gaeta said: And you don't feel that's what he's doing? I'm not sure.. that's why I'm here lost and confused Link to post Share on other sites
happyhorizons Posted September 19 Share Posted September 19 Just trust your instincts and you will figure it out...........You Got This... Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted September 19 Share Posted September 19 No, it's not lovebombing...It's two people having casual sex. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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