Should I give him a second chance?

[lemonicetea]

About a month ago I met a guy off Hinge. We met for coffee and I thought he seemed like a really nice guy. We agreed  to do this again, but I wanted to wait until summer school I was working gets over (which would have been about a week). He agreed and we went out separate ways. 
 

Two r  three days later he calls me and asks me what my favorite part of our first date was. I thought that was kind of weird, because we went to Starbucks, not Disneyland. He then tells me that he just can’t stop thinking about me, he’s already told his mom and sister all about me, and he showed off my dating profile to several of his coworkers. He then says “I betcha you already told your parents all about me.” When I said no, he seemed really dejected and was like “Why not? I thought you said we had a good first date.” I told him the subject didn’t come up but I was thinking “Dude, it was one date”. Since this guy felt like he was way too much way too soon, I felt uncomfortable.  Later on after our phone call I told him I changed my mind about a second date and lied that  I have too many issues in my personal life. He seemed to take it well. 
 

Now this guy has autism, and from what I gather this is pretty common autistic behavior. There is a good chance that he doesn’t know any better and a lot of times people with autism need to be told if they are out of line. I know not everyone with autism is like this, but in the past I have had a person in my life use autism as an excuse for verbal, emotional, and mental abuse towards me. Because of this I’m extremely weary of trying to start a relationship with someone with autism. I’m really sorry. I know I probably sound like a horrible person right now, but I’m trying to work on getting rid of this bias. 

Now with all this being said, I’m wondering if I should give him a second chance. On the one hand  I seriously thought he was a nice guy, I did enjoy talking with him, and I wouldn’t mind having him as a friend. On the other hand, he seems to think I’m his girlfriend after knowing me for an hour. If he’s acting like this after one date, I can’t imagine what he’d be like after two. 
 

So what do you guys think I should do? Should I contact him again and ask him if he wants to do something just as friends? 

 

[Gebidozo]

I think there is no point in having a second date, unless you are strongly attracted and have romantic feelings for him.

You aren’t a horrible person because you don’t want to date an autistic person. You aren’t his nurse or caretaker or close relative, you don’t have any duty or obligation here.

If he is so disproportionately excited from just one date and was feeling dejected because you didn’t tell your parents about it (!), imagine how he’d behave if you tried an actual relationship and then broke up with him.

If you don’t genuinely want to be friends with him, don’t suggest a friendly date. It will only unnecessarily complicate matters.

[Ami1uwant]

4 hours ago, lemonicetea said:

About a month ago I met a guy off Hinge. We met for coffee and I thought he seemed like a really nice guy. We agreed  to do this again, but I wanted to wait until summer school I was working gets over (which would have been about a week). He agreed and we went out separate ways. 
 

Two r  three days later he calls me and asks me what my favorite part of our first date was. I thought that was kind of weird, because we went to Starbucks, not Disneyland. He then tells me that he just can’t stop thinking about me, he’s already told his mom and sister all about me, and he showed off my dating profile to several of his coworkers. He then says “I betcha you already told your parents all about me.” When I said no, he seemed really dejected and was like “Why not? I thought you said we had a good first date.” I told him the subject didn’t come up but I was thinking “Dude, it was one date”. Since this guy felt like he was way too much way too soon, I felt uncomfortable.  Later on after our phone call I told him I changed my mind about a second date and lied that  I have too many issues in my personal life. He seemed to take it well. 
 

Now this guy has autism, and from what I gather this is pretty common autistic behavior. There is a good chance that he doesn’t know any better and a lot of times people with autism need to be told if they are out of line. I know not everyone with autism is like this, but in the past I have had a person in my life use autism as an excuse for verbal, emotional, and mental abuse towards me. Because of this I’m extremely weary of trying to start a relationship with someone with autism. I’m really sorry. I know I probably sound like a horrible person right now, but I’m trying to work on getting rid of this bias. 

Now with all this being said, I’m wondering if I should give him a second chance. On the one hand  I seriously thought he was a nice guy, I did enjoy talking with him, and I wouldn’t mind having him as a friend. On the other hand, he seems to think I’m his girlfriend after knowing me for an hour. If he’s acting like this after one date, I can’t imagine what he’d be like after two. 
 

So what do you guys think I should do? Should I contact him again and ask him if he wants to do something just as friends? 

 

How old is he?  It could be just inexperience with dating and has nothing to do with autism.

 

there are many forms of autism across the spectrum and try are very different which is why I hate the catch all term.

 

 

[ShyViolet]

I really think you should trust your gut.... if his behavior made you uncomfortable and felt off to you, don't continue this.  Autism or not, you aren't obligated to give anyone a second chance if deep down it doesn't feel right.

[lemonicetea]

15 hours ago, Ami1uwant said:

How old is he?  It could be just inexperience with dating and has nothing to do with autism.

 

there are many forms of autism across the spectrum and try are very different which is why I hate the catch all term.

 

 

He was 33, IIRC. I strongly suspect he doesn’t get out much. Not just with dating, but life in general since he told me that the best part of our date to him was getting out of his apartment. 
 

I know it’s another topic for another day, but I don’t like the catch all term as well. I recently was told that the terms “high functioning” and “low functioning” were offensive and problematic, and autism is autism is autism is autism. There’s a big range of abilities. I have worked with special needs students,  so I’m certainly aware of the differences. 

[Leihla_B]

No, trust your instincts. It wasn't until you wound yourself around appearances that you re-considered your decision. That's about other things, not whether the guy would make a good partner for you. Your initial discretion told you something important. Respect that, and respect him by recognizing that he's not a project. 

[FMW]

I would just move on.  If you reach out to him it's likely he'll think it means more than it does.  Offering friendship to someone who's clearly shown they want more is not a good idea. 

You aren't horrible for not wanting to deal with neurodivergence.  It isn't fair to either of you to force something about which you have misgivings.

[smackie9]

Nope, no second chance here.