Recently separated after 28 years and wasn't expecting it at all

[tzorno]

18 hours ago, Sting-ray5 said:

 Also is there was someone that she was seeing or even had eyes for why would she be so adamant about us not dating or see other people right now. 

She has a very large family and sent out a group text to them last weekend explaining that we separated. When I seen her aunt the other day  she was telling me how confused she even is because I was so good to my wife. She also said the family still loves and supports me and that this isn’t the first time someone in their family split up and they all liked the non-family member person better than the family member. Which was really nice of her to say. 

If she is seeing somebody else, she want's to make sure it will work out with that person and have you to fall back on if it doesn't.  She doesn't want to be viewed as the villian here.

My ex has a large family too and they all still reach out and speak to me.  A bunch of them came to my son's wedding (his mother was not invited) and told my friend that they love my ex because she is family, but they love me more.  That does make a person feel good.  They still invite me to the family reunion (ex doesn't go due to the backlash she would receive), but I could never bring myself to go.  It would make me seem desprate and unable to let go.  It would just be weird.

[Sting-ray5]

Yeah I do have an appointment for Thursday for more advice. As far as getting her to move out and running kids back and forth between home and my parents house. It’s only 2 miles away so it’s a 5 minute drive or less. My parents house is very close to home. That’s actually why I’m at my parents instead of her parents. Her parents offered to give me a whole wing of their house to live in. Bedroom, bathroom with shower and an office. Also has a door that can separate that wing from the rest of the house. But they  live a little over an half hour away from my house as well as my job.  Both me and my children are starting to feel a lot better about this whole mess. Kids have been spending more quality time with me and they have a place to go when the wanna get away from the negativity and anger my wife has. My fifteen year old son stayed with me Friday night until noon on Sunday. Than I get a text from him around 3 pm yesterday asking me if he can come back over. I went to get him and he told me mommy is in a mood and wanted to get away from her. So maybe she was right about this being the best for the family but the funny thing is it’s better for everyone else except for her.  Also I do work full time. I work 40 hours a week. Benefits and hours are great but the pay isn’t the best. It’s the whole reason I took this job was because of the hours and it was better for the family, so a parent was home in time to get kids from school or the bus and kids could have a home cooked dinner every night. 

[Sting-ray5]

I get it but it don’t see how she could be. She really doesn’t have the time and anytime she would go anywhere she would have at least one of the kids with her. Than on the very rare occasion she would go somewhere alone she would be with her parents or family . Like she went away to see a basketball game for a long weekend but it was with her parents and she  even shared a room with them. Her sneaking off before or after work doesn’t even make sense to me. I can’t see a 49 year old woman with 4 children that works almost 50 hours a week sneaking off to fool  around with someone at 6 am before work. She’s also not the type of person that would work a 8 to 10 hour day than immediately sleep with someone with at least showering first. She’s always been self conscious like that. If she did have a boyfriend or girlfriend and showered at their place before coming home I would have definitely noticed. Honestly I think if she was seeing someone else I know it would break my heart even more but I think in the end it would be easier for me to move on. I wouldn’t be so confused about why this happened because to me and everyone close to me any problems we did have were totally fixable. But she doesn’t even wanna try. 

19 minutes ago, tzorno said:

If she is seeing somebody else, she want's to make sure it will work out with that person and have you to fall back on if it doesn't.  She doesn't want to be viewed as the villian 

[S2B]

My guess is she is interested in some at the new job location. That’s where she spends all her time.

and don’t think she is ever going to be honest - cheaters lie and lie all the time.

start getting things in order to see the attorney. And see if you may have access to some of the household money. Why don’t you have access to the money she earns? You are married - I would think you have some joint money available.

Edited September 30 by S2B

[Sting-ray5]

I am gonna have access to household money. She was a a lot of money in her 401k that she is gonna give me for a house. It’s enough to pay at least half of a very nice house. She said she wants the kids and I to be comfortable and not have to worry about living in a bad neighborhood. She knows she’s gonna get whacked financially for taking out 401k money early but she doesn’t care. Even though she broke my heart at least she’s not being a nasty vindictive witch. 

[tzorno]

7 hours ago, Sting-ray5 said:

I am gonna have access to household money. She was a a lot of money in her 401k that she is gonna give me for a house. It’s enough to pay at least half of a very nice house. She said she wants the kids and I to be comfortable and not have to worry about living in a bad neighborhood. She knows she’s gonna get whacked financially for taking out 401k money early but she doesn’t care. Even though she broke my heart at least she’s not being a nasty vindictive witch. 

Yeah, my ex said she only wanted her car and her belongings.  She took that plus 100K and left me with a ton of bills.  Do not trust her at this point and get prepared.  It is very, very rare that divorces turn out civil.

[S2B]

You need to be sure of what you are entitled to.

your state may say you own half of every single asset between the two of you!

either way - don’t file taxes with her in the year she depletes her 401k acct.

start searching everything! You need to find out what kind of assets you both really have!

abd household money? Why don’t you have access to all the money you both bring in?

you are going to need a lump of money for an attorney! Start figuring out where you can get that amount.

and do t believe her for what she says now - when the time comes they always start to change their mind when they realize how much they need to forfeit to become divorced.

shes the higher earner - you’ve been married nearly 30 years! She is going to owe you spousal support! Make sure she pays every penny you’ve deserving.

but literally - don’t discuss it with her or agree to things until you’ve met with a lawyer.