Older age marriage home issues

[Louise67]

I’m in my 60’s and have been in a relationship for five years.  We married this year. He is older than me in his early 70’s and has considerable more assets than I do. He owns two homes and a small rental business and spends half the year in one home in another state.  We are both divorced and he has baggage from his in that his ex got some of his property.  He doesn’t have children of his own but when he was in his thirties he had a relationship with a 19 year old woman who was pregnant .  She had a girl and he considers her his daughter and her children his grand children.  The mother was married after their relationship and that man legally adopted her but went to prison and they divorced .  The mother is now married to another man in his thirties, the daughter is now also in her thirties.  The daughter has always been the sole recipient of this man’s will. She never finished high school, had three children from three different men but is married now to the father of the last. I’ve tried to get along with her but it’s been difficult and when he isn’t near she always made sure that I knew everything was going to her.  Before we just got married we each got a trust and the daughter gets everything still although I get whatever is in one bank account so an unknown.  He generously gave me some money before we married and I don’t except anything from him.  My issue however is that he wants me to live with him. I thought I made it clear I didn’t want to live in a house without my name on it.  He had talked about giving me 50% if he dies and the daughter would get the other half. In the end though he gave her all. The problem for me is that I still have to own a home just in case and that’s expensive.  He gave me permission in the trust to live in his house as long as I want but it’s not where I want to live when I’m older and I don’t want to pay the taxes, insurance and upkeep on a house I have no equity in.  Am I out of line or am I getting a bad deal?

[basil67]

 

3 hours ago, Louise67 said:

The problem for me is that I still have to own a home just in case and that’s expensive.

If you have your own home, rent it out to cover the costs.   If he dies or you breakup, you still have your own home/an income from it

^ This is what I'd do if I were ever in your situation.  I would also have figured all of this out and cemented it with a prenup BEFORE I got remarried.  My kids get my assets and my new husband's kids would get his assets

[BaileyB]

Yup, you need to get a lawyer and draft a cohabitation agreement before you even consider moving in. I would not sell my home without ensuring that I am protected financially in the event of his passing. 

[Gaeta]

On 9/22/2024 at 2:15 PM, Louise67 said:

The problem for me is that I still have to own a home just in case and that’s expensive

Do you own a home? If yes then rent it out and move in with him. If you don't want to rent it out then sell it and invest the money for your old days.

If you do not own a home and expect him to give you 50% of his house, that he paid off, that he bought before you, then yes you are way out of line. 

Now that you're married he should have a life insurance on himself with you as beneficiary.

[stillafool]

I'm surprised you married a man you don't want to live with.  Most people want to live with their spouse.  I'm trying to understand what his daughter never finishing high school and having 3 kids by 3 different men and now married to last one's father has to do with this.

[Leihla_B]

If you own your home, keep it and rent it out. If you are renting, then that makes no sense if your spouse has invited you to live in his home without paying rent. You can pocket that money each month into a retirement account.

In most locations, marriage does NOT entitle a new spouse to half rights of any property already owned by the spouse--only on any property purchased together as a couple.

Ask him if he's documented all his intentions in a will, and whether he's willing for each of you to review one another's wills. In the event of his passing, if he has willed you free residence in his home, compare paying the taxes and upkeep of the home with what you either collect in rent from your tenant(s) minus the expenses of maintaining that home OR, compare these expenses with what you would pay to rent elsewhere. You may find it to be equal or comparable.

If you believe that your husband is not adequately compensating you as his partner either in his will or in your married life, then negotiate better terms or exit the marriage. It makes no sense to live a married life resenting your partner for any perceived 'sins' of his children. He loves them because they are his children, and they are a package deal.

Edited September 24 by Leihla_B