Angevil Posted September 23 Share Posted September 23 hi, im new here i just want to share with you guys a short story, so im dating someone and now it's been 1 year we are dating i really love him he is kind gentle he is a coach actually, i met him first at the gym after that we hung out a lot after that, so the main issue is before knowing him i had a crush on my supervisor, he told me that he like me too cause we went out and we talked a lot, we had a lot of memories, we kissed. Recently he got married and he invited me and i didn't go, After his marriage we met and we talked he told me that he misses me and my place was always on his heart, but i have a bf and he is married this is wrong i told myself but i was drunk we kissed after that talk and i felt really heaven hugging him and kissing him, now im feeling disparate, im feeling sorry for her and for myself cause my bf is such an angel and i love him, the other man i feel deep connection with him its really hard Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted September 23 Share Posted September 23 The guy is a sleaze and you've fallen for it hook, line and sinker. Block him and find yourself a new gym/new timetable when he's not there 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Angevil Posted September 23 Author Share Posted September 23 i undrestand ur pov but i don't know why would him do that while he is married recently less than 2 weeks Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted September 24 Share Posted September 24 53 minutes ago, Angevil said: i undrestand ur pov but i don't know why would him do that while he is married recently less than 2 weeks Because he is a cheater, a manipulator, and generally a selfish dickhead who can’t love and who puts his own pleasure above everything? Please cut off all contact with him and block him, unless you want to get hurt a lot. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Angevil Posted September 24 Author Share Posted September 24 I can't cut him off he is my supervisor at work, i wish i could, I'm trying not to show any interest but once we talk i feel so happy I know myself very well I'm hurt and I'll get hurt more Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted September 24 Share Posted September 24 3 hours ago, Angevil said: I can't cut him off he is my supervisor at work, i wish i could, I'm trying not to show any interest but once we talk i feel so happy I know myself very well I'm hurt and I'll get hurt more You could leave your job and cut this guy off. You could report him to HR and he will be moved on. But no. Meanwhile, the bolded is all about you and not a peep about this shitty thing you're doing to your boyfriend. Pretty selfish attitude if you ask me. I guess you and your workmate are birds of a feather and will continue together without caring about the innocents who get caught in your collateral damage At the very least, break up with your boyfriend because he deserves so much better than what you've got to offer 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted September 24 Share Posted September 24 (edited) 12 hours ago, Angevil said: my bf is such an angel and i love him That's a big fat lie to yourself. Tell the supervisor that the other night was a mistake and it will never happen again and from now on you and him will only have professional contact. When we play with fire we get burned, now deal with it. Any of this has to do with love. You don't love your boyfriend, if you did there would be no space in your brain to be infatuated with the supervisor. You should leave him. The supervisor is a player, what he's doing to his wife he'll do to you and to the next one. Look around, l bet you're not the only one he played this little game with. Edited September 24 by Gaeta 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted September 24 Share Posted September 24 I agree with @Gaeta in principle, but I think leaving your BF isn’t the only option. You could sincerely regret your actions, confess to your BF, promise him you’ll never do it again, and then see if he forgives you and stays with you. If he does, please don’t throw around nice words such as “I love him”, but prove it with actions - don’t cheat on him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Angevil Posted September 24 Author Share Posted September 24 Yes this is what im going to do, in the end im a human being i don't have wings im not an angel i did what i did cause i felt attraction and i was drank, i won't lie he is in my mind when im alone but I'll move on. Cause this is wrong i deeply know that and I'm dealing with my issue Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 24 Share Posted September 24 13 hours ago, Angevil said: I can't cut him off he is my supervisor at work, i wish i could, I'm trying not to show any interest but once we talk i feel so happy I know myself very well I'm hurt and I'll get hurt more Why are you hurt? This guy is a sleaze. He married the woman he wanted when he could have chosen you, but he didn't. Now he wants to circle back and downgrade you to a piece on the side and have his little wife at home. He isn't saying those things because he's suddenly realized that he's in love with you and not his wife. He's selfish. He's not supposed to be screwing around with his subordinates. Maybe you need to remind him of that and then look for another job. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted September 24 Share Posted September 24 54 minutes ago, Angevil said: in the end im a human being i don't have wings im not an angel i did what i did cause i felt attraction and i was drank, i won't lie he is in my mind when im alone but I'll move on You did not do this because you're human, you did this because something is missing with your boyfriend and you found it in the arms of another man. Your boyfriend is probably a great guy that treats you well and that's why you say you love him but you're not *in love* with him. When a woman is 'in love' there is no space in her brain to think of another man and absolutely 0 desire for another man to touch her. Especially at only 1 year dating! 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Angevil Posted September 24 Author Share Posted September 24 (edited) You're right, but I'm confused cause i feel that i love my man especially that he is my first relationship, and i did not understand why this is happening to me if i had a chance to be with my supervisor definitely i will say no cause i don't see him as partner, tbh but i don't know why I'm attracted to him Edited September 24 by Angevil Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted September 24 Share Posted September 24 How old are you Angevil? Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted September 24 Share Posted September 24 2 minutes ago, Angevil said: tbh but i don't know why I'm attracted to him We are attracted to people because of the way they make us feel about ourselves. When you're with supervisor he makes you feel a certain way, that's an important feeling for you and I am sure it's not a feeling you experience when you're with your boyfriend, right? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Angevil Posted September 24 Author Share Posted September 24 26 It may be a little strange that by this age and i had only one relationship Link to post Share on other sites
Author Angevil Posted September 24 Author Share Posted September 24 (edited) 1 minute ago, Gaeta said: 1 minute ago, Gaeta said: We are attracted to people because of the way they make us feel about ourselves. When you're with supervisor he makes you feel a certain way, that's an important feeling for you and I am sure it's not a feeling you experience when you're with your boyfriend, right? Yes true, Edited September 24 by Angevil Link to post Share on other sites
Leihla_B Posted September 24 Share Posted September 24 53 minutes ago, Angevil said: ...i did not understand why this is happening to me... C'mon. You're a grown adult. This isn't happening 'to' you, it's the choice you've made. Make a better decision. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Angevil Posted September 24 Author Share Posted September 24 Help me I'm desperate, it's so hard to get him out of my head. Even when he is not around i keep thinking of him Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted September 24 Share Posted September 24 9 minutes ago, Angevil said: Help me I'm desperate, it's so hard to get him out of my head. Even when he is not around i keep thinking of him Use your will power and climb yourself out of this. Feelings and attraction will die if we take actions to put an end to them, those types of attraction are superficial and temporary. Like @Leihla_B said it's a matter of decision. People make hard decisions every day and stick to it. If your boyfriend was experiencing this type of attraction toward another woman, he'd kiss her, and he'd thought of her all day, how would you feel? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted September 24 Share Posted September 24 2 hours ago, Angevil said: You're right, but I'm confused cause i feel that i love my man especially that he is my first relationship Oh, well, that explains a lot. You’re very young and you haven’t had enough experience to develop mature, strong feelings and learn to distinguish them from the trivial ones. Sorry, but you don’t really love your boyfriend. Once you truly fall in love with a man, you’ll only want to be with him and you won’t be feeling restless and dissatisfied and looking for excitement and validation from anyone else. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 24 Share Posted September 24 1 hour ago, Angevil said: Help me I'm desperate, it's so hard to get him out of my head. Even when he is not around i keep thinking of him Start looking for another job. It's almost impossible to get over someone who is constantly in your face. Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted September 24 Share Posted September 24 (edited) OP, you appear to have a strange dichotomy where you’re physically and romantically attracted to a type of men you don’t consider “relationship material”, while wanting to be in a relationship with a “nice guy“ who doesn’t particularly excite you. This is the female equivalent of the dreaded “madonna / whore” complex that has been plaguing men for ages. Please try to understand that what you really want is a nice guy that makes you go crazy with lust and passion. If you think it’s impossible, you’re wrong. Just keep learning from your failures and you’ll be closer to realizing what you truly want. Don’t settle either for “nice guys” you aren’t madly in love with, or for “bad guys” who are really bad. Edited September 24 by Gebidozo 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Leihla_B Posted September 24 Share Posted September 24 (edited) 1 hour ago, Angevil said: Help me I'm desperate, it's so hard to get him out of my head. Even when he is not around i keep thinking of him You get to decide what you want to think about and whether you want to drill rumination into a deeper hole to climb out of. If you believe that changing your thinking is too difficult, hire a therapist to help you, or contact your closest university that offers a PhD or PsyD program in Clinical Psychology. You can schedule a free or low cost consultation with a doctoral candidate for counseling. Edited September 24 by Leihla_B Link to post Share on other sites
Author Angevil Posted September 24 Author Share Posted September 24 (edited) I don't know but u won't understand that quitting my job is not easy im a student and im working a full time job and im living alone, and i tried to post in many jobs offer but i didn't succeed im not giving excuses but really it pays well and at work i always ignore him he told me that cause everyone in the office knows that he likes me it's so f obvious and im being careful, otherwise I'll stop talking to him outside the work shift, and I'll avoid him. i just remembered one day he told me when i look at your eyes i see confusion i see questions ´ yes that's true cause if u really loved me why u married her ? last time we texted he saw me with two guys (they're just friends of my friend) he texted me and he was asking who is those guys i told him why are u asking ??? Then he was like enjoy and take care i told him yes dw and he said can i see you now, i said yes i thought he is not gonna cause he is at home with his wife and it was 2am ´ he came and we talked, i realized a lot of things. (He said he miss me, and he was jealous when he saw me with the two mates... and he said if this between us was sexual it will disappear but since the first day he saw me he liked me and i asked him are u playing with my feelings he said it's all here and he pointed his finger on his heart' hahaha that was unexpected, and he whispered why would i leave my house and come at this time, my wife is home, and i was about to watch a film and i don't have a car i took a taxi and i come. (That was his last words) After that i took a deep breath and i went home. Edited September 24 by Angevil Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted September 24 Share Posted September 24 (edited) The man is a master manipulator and you're eating in his hand. Edited September 24 by Gaeta 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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