Re: Does this mean I'm to blame?

[Ryan]

This especially goes out to Ryan, I hope

you can help me. This still has to do with, Should I trust him. Are my insecurities making driving him away from me? He says he loves me but it really confused me after he says he doesn't feel the same way about me right after he comes back from camp. I don't want to drive him away but I worry too much I know and I don't know why. He(my boyfriend is about 8 hours away at the beach with his family and I was gone last week from saturday until this past sunday. He is coming back early, probably Thursday. He tells me how much he loves me and misses me and last week we both cryed on the phone telling each other how much we missed each other and how much we loved each other. I'm afraid he's gonna tell me he doesn't feel the same way again when he comes back, but can you blame me. I wanted to die when he told me that he didn't feel the same anymore. I said something pretty mean on the phone yesterday. We talked and used his whole calling card(80 minutes). I asked him if he was gonna come back and tell me he didn't feel the same way again. He started crying and He said no, I love you. He said that was stupid, what I did. I'm sorry. I love you. I told him that i was sorry for saying it, but it's stuck in the back of my mind, Please help me be secure, I love him so much and I want our relationship to work.

Well right off, I can't unequivocally say who, if anyone, is to blame. I don't know the situation well enough. I'm only judging the situation based on what you are telling me. It is POSSIBLE that your insecurity can/will drive him away. Most healthy people wouldn't want to stay in a relationship where their trust and fidelity is constantly in question. Something you may want to consider is where these feelings could have been spawned in your past. Did you have a parent that passed away, divorced, or was never really in your life at all? These kind of events can bring about future worry of loss in relationships, which may be manifesting now. You have to ask yourself what could have given you a fear of loss to this degree. It is also possible that this is some age appropriate reaction. Often our first few relationships tend to feel like the whole universe rests on their success. The truth is, you are going to come and go from relationships in your life. This isn't going to be your last boyfriend. It may seem unbelievable now, but it is truly healthier to experience various relationships as you mature so that your wisdom of human interaction grows as well. It takes time to develop the skills to step back and look at things on a bigger scale. So, you should consider the sources of your emotions and also take note of how your position in life now relates to the grand scheme of things.