I think he's just using me for an ego boost

[FredEire]

43 minutes ago, Uptown182 said:

It’s that someone is undeniably blatantly rude, plain and simple.  I despise rudeness, I expect to be treated with the same respect I treat others.  

OLD is riddled with rudeness, if I lost sleep over every time someone had ghosted me or arranged a date and didn't follow up I'd probably never sleep lol.

The point is you can't take it personally, nobody is very special on there, you're just a collection of pics and a bio and even on the first couple of dates you'll probably be an ego boost or a time pass for the vast majority of people, just something you have to accept and expect if you want to continue using it. That's modern dating for you, unfortunately.

[Alpacalia]

Maybe he unmatched you because he sensed that you were hesitant or didn't seem very interested in him. Sometimes when people feel like they are being "used" or not truly wanted, they will move on and pursue someone else. So, it's not so much a matter of him using you for an ego boost, but more so that he may not have felt like you were genuinely interested in him.

You seem kind of meh about the whole situation anyway, so just let it be and move on. If he does end up texting again, just be honest and tell him that you don't think you're compatible.

No need to waste anyone's time.

[FredEire]

13 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Maybe he unmatched you because he sensed that you were hesitant or didn't seem very interested in him. Sometimes when people feel like they are being "used" or not truly wanted, they will move on and pursue someone else. So, it's not so much a matter of him using you for an ego boost, but more so that he may not have felt like you were genuinely interested in him.

You seem kind of meh about the whole situation anyway, so just let it be and move on. If he does end up texting again, just be honest and tell him that you don't think you're compatible.

No need to waste anyone's time.

Agreed, what you said here could be the case or it could be a number of other things.

I think in dating, especially OLD, you have to try and rank things in terms of how much time and mental attention you want to give them.

Obviously it would be better and nicer if nothing got us down, but a breakup with a partner of 5 years for example is going to have you floored for a while and you have to accept that. Stuff like this should fall into the category of "who knows why and who really cares".

The fact that it bothered you enough to come on here and that you felt compared to negatively compare him to yourself suggests to me that you may have underlying doubts about your own worthiness. That might be more interesting and useful to explore than trying to figure out why this guy was rude.

[Uptown182]

23 minutes ago, FredEire said:

Agreed, what you said here could be the case or it could be a number of other things.

I think in dating, especially OLD, you have to try and rank things in terms of how much time and mental attention you want to give them.

Obviously it would be better and nicer if nothing got us down, but a breakup with a partner of 5 years for example is going to have you floored for a while and you have to accept that. Stuff like this should fall into the category of "who knows why and who really cares".

The fact that it bothered you enough to come on here and that you felt compared to negatively compare him to yourself suggests to me that you may have underlying doubts about your own worthiness. That might be more interesting and useful to explore than trying to figure out why this guy was rude.

I stated the facts about him, all I said was that I wasn’t that attracted to him…I can’t help the way I feel, If you interpret that as me speaking negatively of him then so be it.  And I’m sorry any blue blooded person would get a hit to the ego by someone treating them this way (it’s just a matter of whether they admit it or not), and to say that this speaks to my self worth and I have deeper issues just because his actions or lack thereof confused me is nonsense in my opinion.  

[Leihla_B]

23 hours ago, Uptown182 said:

...given his unmatch on the app, and his lack of responses im changing my mind 

Good. You're paying attention. You can ignore him if he eventually responds, but why not skip all speculation and just block him?

[FredEire]

1 hour ago, Uptown182 said:

I stated the facts about him, all I said was that I wasn’t that attracted to him…I can’t help the way I feel, If you interpret that as me speaking negatively of him then so be it.  And I’m sorry any blue blooded person would get a hit to the ego by someone treating them this way (it’s just a matter of whether they admit it or not), and to say that this speaks to my self worth and I have deeper issues just because his actions or lack thereof confused me is nonsense in my opinion.  

You said you were much more attractive than him, which is a very subjective statement. It comes off that the fact he was someone who in your eyes ought not to reject you rubbed you up the wrong way.

I used feel bad about this sort of thing years ago when I started using Tinder etc. But then you realise it's not about you, and detatch your ego from it somewhat. At the end of the day people are going to act however they see fit, the only thing you can try and control is how much you let it affect you, or not.

[asfandali]

Only 3 words for you

Just Ignore Him Find someone face to face and better.

Edited September 25 by asfandali

[happyhorizons]

I vote for giving it one more date nothing over the top just a nice dinner to gauge your interest level 

[Gaeta]

Did he get back to you? How long ha it been now?

[Leihla_B]

4 hours ago, FredEire said:

You said you were much more attractive than him, which is a very subjective statement. It comes off that the fact he was someone who in your eyes ought not to reject you rubbed you up the wrong way.

Yes! And isn't is funny how someone we'd simply overlook suddenly becomes interesting when they are one to diss us?

Quote

I used feel bad about this sort of thing years ago when I started using Tinder etc. But then you realise it's not about you, and detatch your ego from it somewhat. At the end of the day people are going to act however they see fit, the only thing you can try and control is how much you let it affect you, or not.

Yes, this is a universal and level playing field. We can never account for the lens through which another person might view us. We are each so unique, so we each hold our own lens. One might focus on physical appearance while another seeks a 'soul' connection--and neither is 'wrong'. If we can just learn how to view these non-matches as impersonal, like two pieces of a puzzle not fitting together, then we can grasp that both pieces are equally as valid to the whole. They just don't fit together, so move on to make a better match.

[Alpacalia]

8 hours ago, FredEire said:

You said you were much more attractive than him, which is a very subjective statement. It comes off that the fact he was someone who in your eyes ought not to reject you rubbed you up the wrong way.

I used feel bad about this sort of thing years ago when I started using Tinder etc. But then you realise it's not about you, and detatch your ego from it somewhat. At the end of the day people are going to act however they see fit, the only thing you can try and control is how much you let it affect you, or not.

I agree!

While I do feel attraction can grow, it should never be because you think someone "ought" to date you because you're more attractive. That's the fastest way for a relationship to fail imo. You have to be attracted to who they are as a person, full stop. It's not just about looks and everyone has different preferences.

[FredEire]

15 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

I agree!

While I do feel attraction can grow, it should never be because you think someone "ought" to date you because you're more attractive. That's the fastest way for a relationship to fail imo. You have to be attracted to who they are as a person, full stop. It's not just about looks and everyone has different preferences.

Yeah, I've just seen so many s*** fits over the years from attractive people (who were often much more attractive in their own heads) raging that someone they deemed as average turned them down before they had the chance to turn them down. It was always quite entertaining from an outside perspective and not a very good look for them.

It's a shame that things are generally so looks based because it's always interesting when you meet a physically "ugly" person who clearly has high self esteem.

[stillafool]

When is the last time you heard from him?

[basil67]

On 9/26/2024 at 2:52 AM, Uptown182 said:

And I’m sorry any blue blooded person would get a hit to the ego by someone treating them this way (it’s just a matter of whether they admit it or not),

It's actually a solid ego which protects us from being hurt by dumb behaviour of some flake who we've spoken to only a couple of times.   It's your ego's job to tell you that they are a waste of space, how fortunate it is that you didn't waste much time on them and that you can do so much better.

Of course, it's a completely different story when someone who you've loved and respected for quite some time disappears.  That's much harder for an ego to take

Edited September 26 by basil67

[FredEire]

50 minutes ago, basil67 said:

It's actually a solid ego which protects us from being hurt by dumb behaviour of some flake who we've spoken to only a couple of times.   It's your ego's job to tell you that they are a waste of space, how fortunate it is that you didn't waste much time on them and that you can do so much better.

Of course, it's a completely different story when someone who you've loved and respected for quite some time disappears.  That's much harder for an ego to take

Exactly. When people talk about "having an ego" they actually mean people who like to take a s*** on others because they are insecure about their own ego. Having a strong ego is part of self-confidence. If you have low self-esteem the negative behaviour of others towards us is always because of some fatal flaw you have, not because of something that's more their problem. If you can perceive it that way, it doesn't matter at all actually.

[basil67]

12 minutes ago, FredEire said:

When people talk about "having an ego" they actually mean people who like to take a s*** on others because they are insecure about their own ego.

I've never heard Ego used in this context.   The only time I've heard ego used in a negative sense is to describe someone who's far too vain....but even then, that was last century usage

Edited September 26 by basil67

[Gebidozo]

On 9/26/2024 at 12:52 AM, Uptown182 said:

And I’m sorry any blue blooded person would get a hit to the ego by someone treating them this way (it’s just a matter of whether they admit it or not)

A hit to the ego from a woman I don’t even like that much? Nope, I wouldn’t get hit by that, there would be nothing to admit. I wouldn’t date a woman I don’t like that much in the first place.

And what does “he is less attractive than me” even mean? Either you’re attracted to him and then he is attractive, period. Or you’re not attracted to him, and then there is absolutely no need for such a strange comparison.

And… blue blooded person? Do you mean “red blooded”? Or are you really from an aristocratic family?🙂

 

Edited September 27 by Gebidozo

[S2B]

I never understand why a man doesn’t just ask if you want to meet at ____ restaurant on Friday at 7.

he never even asked what you may be free for? Coffee? Lunch? Dinner? Free sex? 

I mean come on - ask for a real date guys! Any gal can always suggest another day or time.

[FredEire]

1 hour ago, S2B said:

I never understand why a man doesn’t just ask if you want to meet at ____ restaurant on Friday at 7.

he never even asked what you may be free for? Coffee? Lunch? Dinner? Free sex? 

I mean come on - ask for a real date guys! Any gal can always suggest another day or time.

Because it's too forward!

There's always a bit of a dance involved at the beginning, especially on OLD, everyone wants a bit of mystery and intrigue. Unfortunately that brings a lot of flakiness and ghosting along with it.

[Gebidozo]

 

9 hours ago, FredEire said:

Because it's too forward!

How is asking for a date too forward? Too forward would be “Hey, I’m free today between 3 and 6pm, you wanna come over and have sex?”.

9 hours ago, FredEire said:

There's always a bit of a dance involved at the beginning, especially on OLD, everyone wants a bit of mystery and intrigue.

For real? I never did OLD, but in real life I absolutely can’t stand it when women are trying to be “mysterious” and “intriguing”. Even a hint of that is a huge turn off, I immediately lose any attraction to the woman. I like it when women are direct and honest and passionate and aren’t playing some strange mind games.