I had an affair, ended it and then found out my husband was having an affair.

[Lostgirl101]

So I posted here a while ago about an affair I had recently had ended. It’s still over, I still feel hurt over it but the connection we had is gone, and feels almost dead between us now. The feeling is old and evening if we had the opportunity we could never bring it back, 

 

i decided to end the affair and focus on my marriage, with out telling my husband. I hurt, I really hurt when I ended the affair. I cried myself to sleep many nights, I still cry over the loss of a friend and relationship I had with him. 4 weeks ago, I started noticing more odd behaviour from my husband. This behaviour I have noticed before but because I was being unfaithful I overlooked it. When I ended things I suppose I became more aware. 
 

one night I decided to try and guess his Snapchat password, and on the 3rd attempt I logged in. I was horrified to find what I saw. There was around 400 contacts, who he had sent explicit photos to every single one. Many was woman on there, though men was who he spoke to most. He had around 8 males who he was sending extremely sexual content too, and also sending explicit photos of me and us having sex obviously without my consent. I went through his belongings and found poppers and viagra, something he has never mentioned to me. 
 

Having a sexual interest in men is something I had noooo idea of, I had no indications over the years he liked men, and I’m still in utter shock. To me, it made me affair make sense. No wonder I felt no emotional or sexual desire towards my husband, no wonder I found that in a place that was forbidden. 
 

my affair was wrong, but he was my best friend for years, I cried with guilt over how I felt for him, how I loved him. When my husband was having sexual contact and most likely physical sex with an array of people. 
 

my husband is remorseful, and begs me to stay. He says he’s not gay in anyway, and it was just a joke and something to pass the time. I have walked away, and have also not maintained contact with my affair partner. I am hurt for the loss of the affair, and the loss of my husband. I have lost two people who I thought I could never be without, and what hurts more than anything is the loss of myself. 
 

I don’t feel anything, I don’t feel love for anyone any longer, I feel no sexual desires, I feel no hope or joy in anything. I think I may be depressed but I can’t see a way out. I just thought I would update, due to all the backlash I got for my affair, there’s always a reason they happen. Even if the people having the affair don’t realise it at the time. 

[Gebidozo]

Sorry this is happening to you.

You need time to heal. Be alone, rediscover yourself, learn to be happy by yourself. Then, after some time has passed, you’ll be able to date and find romance and fall in love again.

Neither your husband nor your affair partner were the right men for you. That doesn’t mean that the right man doesn’t exist.

Of course affairs happen for a reason. So do murders. There is always a reason for everything we do.

[BreakOnThrough]

Kids?  If not, move on, it's obvious you both should at this point.

[stillafool]

(((HUGS)))) You need a fresh start.

[BaileyB]

Indeed, it sounds like you need some time to yourself, and then a fresh start. 

To better days ahead…

[ExpatInItaly]

19 hours ago, Lostgirl101 said:

He says he’s not gay in anyway, and it was just a joke and something to pass the time.

BS. He has some sexual attraction to men, that much is very obvious. He is lying to you and himself there. 

It's also obviously time to end this marriage. 

[Leihla_B]

My heart goes out to you. How long has it been since you left your husband?

Even if it's only been a short while, situational depression can settle into a chronic depression if it's left untreated. I can appreciate not having the energy or motivation to seek treatment, but that's exactly the reason to push yourself to do so.

I hope you'll write more if it helps.

[Georgia46]

Your husband sounds like a sex addict.   
 

Lucky you found out. 
 

I’d take a long time to heal, work on myself and keep away from the both of them then when, or if, you feel ready… be very careful when finding a new partner 

good luck and hugs 🤗 

[smackie9]

File for divorce, then clear the slate. Find a therapist in where you can freely unpack all this so you can start the healing process.