how do I deal with the anxiety of being away from my girlfriend

[insertcringeusername]

every time my girlfriend leaves me I get a wave of anxiety, fear, and sadness. I literally feel sick. it's gotten so bad that I start uncontrollably gagging in the mornings because I know that's when she has to leave. it starts the second I wake up and usually last for two hours until I manage to calm myself down enough to stop. she gets extremely angry at me for it because she has emetophobia and hates the sound of people gagging. she doesn't understand that I can't control it. the only thing that usually helps is being next to her (and she wants to be nowhere near me when it starts to happen, which I understand) or sometimes putting on my headphones to listen to music.

sometimes it's not even just when we have to leave each other. it occasionally happens when she gets mad at me, so I start to worry that she's going to break up with me. or I randomly think about the possibility of her choking, getting in a car crash, slipping in the shower, getting robbed, getting electrocuted, etc, and me not being there to help her.

 just the other day, I accidentally left a knife on our/her bed after opening a package and then left the apartment. the whole time that I was gone I was worried that she somehow was going to lay down on the knife without seeing it and hurt herself. I kept telling myself that this was silly since it was daytime, so she would see the knife. plus, she was working and there was no reason for her to come home before I did. additionally, the knife was at the edge of the bed and she probably wouldn't lay there. but I couldn't push these outlandish thoughts to the back of my mind, so I had to come back home just to take the knife off the bed. even then, I still convinced myself that I somehow left the knife on the bed.

im sorry for the rant about my irrational thoughts, I just don't know what to do and this is so mentally draining to deal with. ive been having panic attacks also, which of course isn't fun. I just feel like a burden. im clearly bringing her mood down with this. yesterday she told me that I was "useless" and "annoying" when I get in that state. how am I supposed to deal with this?
 

[semble]

There's medications for this.

Strong medications.

 

Edited to add. Why didn't you just call her and tell her you left the knife on the bed?

Edited September 26 by semble

[insertcringeusername]

12 minutes ago, semble said:

There's medications for this.

Strong medications.

 

Edited to add. Why didn't you just call her and tell her you left the knife on the bed?

okay. thank you. that makes me feel a lot better.
when my anxiety gets that bad, all my common sense goes out the window. 

Edited September 26 by insertcringeusername
mistake

[Gebidozo]

OP, I can’t stress this enough: please get help.

You need professional therapy. Please trust me on this, I’m well familiar with anxiety and your case is extreme. It is possible that you’ll need to take some medication for a while. There is no shame at all in this. Anxiety is a serious disease, you should treat it like you would any other illness of this magnitude.

I think that is is unkind of your GF to call you “useless” and to be extremely angry at you. But her exasperation is understandable. It is very, very hard to be together with a person suffering from anxiety. I had anxiety and panic attacks last year, I was in a bad mental state. It was very hard for my partner. You will lose your GF if you leave your anxiety unattended. This problem must be solved.

There might be some deep-seated reasons for your anxiety, perhaps a childhood trauma. You’ll need to discuss that openly with your therapist.

[insertcringeusername]

42 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

OP, I can’t stress this enough: please get help.

You need professional therapy. Please trust me on this, I’m well familiar with anxiety and your case is extreme. It is possible that you’ll need to take some medication for a while. There is no shame at all in this. Anxiety is a serious disease, you should treat it like you would any other illness of this magnitude.

I think that is is unkind of your GF to call you “useless” and to be extremely angry at you. But her exasperation is understandable. It is very, very hard to be together with a person suffering from anxiety. I had anxiety and panic attacks last year, I was in a bad mental state. It was very hard for my partner. You will lose your GF if you leave your anxiety unattended. This problem must be solved.

There might be some deep-seated reasons for your anxiety, perhaps a childhood trauma. You’ll need to discuss that openly with your therapist.

well it's comforting to know that im not the only one who has experienced/experiences this. I wouldn't call my situation extreme though. im still a functioning human being. you're right though, I can't keep living this way. 

[Gebidozo]

29 minutes ago, insertcringeusername said:

I wouldn't call my situation extreme though.

My dude, you are uncontrollably gagging when your girlfriend leaves for work in the morning. This is severe anxiety. My symptoms a year ago were nowhere near yours yet I considered them signs of a mental disease and made sure I got to the underlying psychological reasons and dealt with them.

I’m not calling you crazy and obviously you are a sane human being. You understand that something is wrong, while a crazy person would think themselves completely normal. This is not a critique, I know what you’re a feeling and you can defeat this anxiety, but you need professional help.

 

[Gaeta]

You need to see a doctor asap.

I'm shocked your girlfriend did not drag you to the doctor yet. 

[Leihla_B]

While your doctor can treat the anxiety with medication, also ask for a referral to a therapist to help you address the intrusive thoughts. Those can and do get worse, so work with a professional who will give you techniques to manage them before they become unmanageable.

Edited September 26 by Leihla_B

[insertcringeusername]

7 hours ago, Gaeta said:

You need to see a doctor asap.

I'm shocked your girlfriend did not drag you to the doctor yet. 

for someone whose dad currently manages all of his medical needs, it's kind of an uncomfortable conversation that I don't want to have with him. he believes that any physical symptoms of anxiety are just being faked, so it'll be fun trying to convince him that I need professional help.
also, she did tell me that I need to see a doctor because she thinks it's a more serious issue.

[ShyViolet]

Your Dad manages all your medical needs?  How old are you?

You need professional help for this severe anxiety.  You probably need to be on medication.  Your irrational behavior is going to eventually push her away and sabotage this relationship because it's a lot to expect a partner to put up with this.  

[insertcringeusername]

59 minutes ago, ShyViolet said:

Your Dad manages all your medical needs?  How old are you?

You need professional help for this severe anxiety.  You probably need to be on medication.  Your irrational behavior is going to eventually push her away and sabotage this relationship because it's a lot to expect a partner to put up with this.  

im 17, turning 18.
 I know. I feel terrible that she has to put up with me. I try my best to not let it affect her.  I go to the bathroom or step outside when I start to gag. I also keep my irrational thoughts to myself because I don't want her to think that im insane. I don't think that she knows the full extent of my anxiety. (thankfully)

[Gaeta]

39 minutes ago, insertcringeusername said:

im 17, turning 18.
 I know. I feel terrible that she has to put up with me. I try my best to not let it affect her.  I go to the bathroom or step outside when I start to gag. I also keep my irrational thoughts to myself because I don't want her to think that im insane. I don't think that she knows the full extent of my anxiety. (thankfully)

In some countries our medical records is private from the age of 14. 

It's very important you see your doctor. It's not just about the anxiety, Gagging is a reaction that could also hurt your esophagus with time. Can you go see the doctor on your own?

[basil67]

At your age, you should be able to go to the doctor on your own.   Would you be covered under Medicare or similar?    Meanwhile, your dad's attitude is doing you more harm than good.

 

[insertcringeusername]

45 minutes ago, basil67 said:

At your age, you should be able to go to the doctor on your own.   Would you be covered under Medicare or similar?    Meanwhile, your dad's attitude is doing you more harm than good.

 

 Gaeta, basil67  I really don't know. im going to have to ask my doctor about all of this the next time my dad schedules me an appointment. I live in the US, so it varies by state. based on what im seeing online, the answer of if I can is leaning towards no for my state. (unless it's for drug/ alcohol abuse treatment) my dad has private health insurance, but im not sure how that would pan out. 

[basil67]

@insertcringeusername  When your father is out, call the doctor and talk to the receptionist.   Explain that your father currently organises your health care, but you have an issue which you want to keep private.  Ask what options are open to you

[insertcringeusername]

55 minutes ago, basil67 said:

@insertcringeusername  When your father is out, call the doctor and talk to the receptionist.   Explain that your father currently organises your health care, but you have an issue which you want to keep private.  Ask what options are open to you

thanks, I'll give them a call tomorrow and see what they say

[S2B]

18 hours ago, insertcringeusername said:

okay. thank you. that makes me feel a lot better.
when my anxiety gets that bad, all my common sense goes out the window. 

Get professional help. 
you need to mature and become capable of having control over your own emotions - as well as how to be happy when you are alone.

[Leihla_B]

7 hours ago, insertcringeusername said:

for someone whose dad currently manages all of his medical needs, it's kind of an uncomfortable conversation that I don't want to have with him. he believes that any physical symptoms of anxiety are just being faked, so it'll be fun trying to convince him that I need professional help.
also, she did tell me that I need to see a doctor because she thinks it's a more serious issue.

Tell Dad you need your medical card for a physical exam. Or, see your school nurse and tell him or her that you need to get a physical but don't know how to negotiate that with your father to get your medical card. See if the school can issue a request for you to get a physical for school.

When you make an appointment with the medical office, tell them in advance that you want to visit to be confidential and not to allow your father in the exam room.

Edited September 27 by Leihla_B

[S2B]

Dad? How old are you?

[Gaeta]

12 hours ago, S2B said:

Dad? How old are you?

17

[insertcringeusername]

15 hours ago, Leihla_B said:

Tell Dad you need your medical card for a physical exam. Or, see your school nurse and tell him or her that you need to get a physical but don't know how to negotiate that with your father to get your medical card. See if the school can issue a request for you to get a physical for school.

When you make an appointment with the medical office, tell them in advance that you want to visit to be confidential and not to allow your father in the exam room.

I went in person to ask what my options are and one of the medical staff members told me that you need parental consent for any treatment that you receive.  there are specific circumstances where you don't need it, but my situation doesn't fall under them.

they did give me other resources, but none of them really replace actual medical/ mental health care.

Edited September 27 by insertcringeusername

[insertcringeusername]

16 hours ago, S2B said:

Get professional help. 
you need to mature and become capable of having control over your own emotions - as well as how to be happy when you are alone.

in (most) situations, im very good at having control over my emotions and coping with them. but in this situation, they feel unmanageable and beyond overwhelming, that's why I came here for advice.
im also usually good at being alone, so I don't know why I feel insanely panicked when we're not together now. I don't even think that I actually want to spend all my time with her. there's definitely days where I crave peace and alone time.

[Gaeta]

If the doctor explains to your dad that anxiety is actually a chemical imbalance in the brain maybe he will understand better. Chemical imbalance is not something you have control over no matter how hard you try.

[Leihla_B]

56 minutes ago, insertcringeusername said:

I went in person to ask what my options are and one of the medical staff members told me that you need parental consent for any treatment that you receive.  there are specific circumstances where you don't need it, but my situation doesn't fall under them.

they did give me other resources, but none of them really replace actual medical/ mental health care.

Meet with a school counselor or nurse, explain the situation and ask them to write a request to your parents that you receive a doctor's assessment for a potential nervous or endocrine condition. 

The goal is to explain this as a potential bodily condition rather than an emotional one. Emotions can be a byproduct of a bodily condition. You can still request that your exam be confidential, you just need parental approval. So explain to your Dad that you want to meet with the doctor by yourself, and you believe you're old enough to start navigating your physical care without him present.

Edited September 27 by Leihla_B

[insertcringeusername]

3 hours ago, Leihla_B said:

Meet with a school counselor or nurse, explain the situation and ask them to write a request to your parents that you receive a doctor's assessment for a potential nervous or endocrine condition. 

The goal is to explain this as a potential bodily condition rather than an emotional one. Emotions can be a byproduct of a bodily condition. You can still request that your exam be confidential, you just need parental approval. So explain to your Dad that you want to meet with the doctor by yourself, and you believe you're old enough to start navigating your physical care without him present.

since I already "graduated", I don't have an option to go to a school nurse or guidance counselor.
my dad rarely goes to the doctor with me anymore, so it would be easy to talk to my doctor alone.  I think where the problem comes in is when they try to give or suggest treatment for me, (rather that be medication or therapy as some of the comments said) which is where parental approval is needed.
thank you for your suggestions.