Finally, a connection, but there is a but.

[Maldives]

Am I right to feel this way or am I overthinking it.

Been on a handful of dates (5) and she's really great. Probably the first time in years I've felt a good connection with someone and attraction. Lots of synchronicities happening which from experience means hey this is important pay attention. 

On our last date she casually mentions she's been thinking about moving back home to Korea after living where we live since 2003. It kind of hit me and I tried to just let it go but jokingly said are you really moving back? I finally meet someone and you're going. She then clarified and said she's not sure. But I know this feeling because that's been me over the years. I moved here also from interstate so I get it. She mentioned it was exciting being back home more things to do and I totally get that because for the same reasons I felt the same and considered many times moving back. However feelings change as mine have and then you appreciate where you are you go through that analysis in your head and you stay. 

So this has made me put my guard up and pull back a bit and not sure what to do wether to just keep dating and see how it goes or not get too involved to not get too attached. 

I actually thought about living in Asia but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't wanna do it on a permanent basis I've played with the idea of going back and fourth spending maybe 6 mths there and coming back and a job where you can do that and work anywhere remotely. 

 

What do you all think? We seem to be well connected lots of shared interests it's been a while since a met someone like this.

[Gebidozo]

If you were in a relationship then I’d say yes, it’s a difficult problem, I feel for you because I had it too and it’s always very tough to solve.

But… it’s only been 5 dates! Does she even like you? Does she want to be with you? It’s way too early to make such long-term plans now.

[Maldives]

13 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

If you were in a relationship then I’d say yes, it’s a difficult problem, I feel for you because I had it too and it’s always very tough to solve.

But… it’s only been 5 dates! Does she even like you? Does she want to be with you? It’s way too early to make such long-term plans now.

Yes true that. That's a good point 

[S2B]

She may be wasting your time. Best to date another gal too.

[Leihla_B]

If you really like her, I'd keep seeing her. If things keep working well between you, you'll have time to learn more about her and explore this more. It may be something she started considering before she met you. You'll be able to shake out whether she's happy enough where you live to stay if things were to get serious with you.

[Maldives]

16 minutes ago, Leihla_B said:

If you really like her, I'd keep seeing her. If things keep working well between you, you'll have time to learn more about her and explore this more. It may be something she started considering before she met you. You'll be able to shake out whether she's happy enough where you live to stay if things were to get serious with you.

Yes good point didn't think of it that way. 

[Alpacalia]

I think you can look it at as, if it doesn't work out and she does end up moving, you can still have a great time together in the mean while and enjoy each others company until she makes a more concrete decision! It's good to be aware of this possibility so if you do end up getting too attached emotionally, you know what could potentially happen. 

[Maldives]

2 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

I think you can look it at as, if it doesn't work out and she does end up moving, you can still have a great time together in the mean while and enjoy each others company until she makes a more concrete decision! It's good to be aware of this possibility so if you do end up getting too attached emotionally, you know what could potentially happen. 

I guess the overall advice I'm getting is to go for it haha. Haaa the old heart I wonder if I could take it again lol. But your right she may not even go who knows I know that with myself thoughts feelings change all the time. 

[Gebidozo]

2 hours ago, Goodguy05 said:

I guess the overall advice I'm getting is to go for it haha. Haaa the old heart I wonder if I could take it again lol.

I also think you should go for it. Don’t worry about your heart. What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. Also, women like brave men who aren’t afraid of getting their heart broken.

[Gaeta]

I will go against the grain here, l would not date her. What's the point? You will invest your time and feeling and in 6-12 months she up and go and you're left with a heartbreak. I don't know why anyone would give a try to that.

What was her purpose on a dating app? 

Edited September 27 by Gaeta

[BreakOnThrough]

She's testing you to see how serious, or perhaps how serious you may be, about her.

[Maldives]

12 hours ago, Gaeta said:

I will go against the grain here, l would not date her. What's the point? You will invest your time and feeling and in 6-12 months she up and go and you're left with a heartbreak. I don't know why anyone would give a try to that.

What was her purpose on a dating app? 

That's how i been thinking and feeling. Although I do also think people's feelings and thoughts change i know mine do. It's a bit of an unknown what she will decide. I've given myself a few days to reflect and chew over it. 

 

What was her purpose on a dating app? 

I know right, that's the question that poppped in my head.

Edited September 27 by Goodguy05

[Maldives]

10 hours ago, BreakOnThrough said:

She's testing you to see how serious, or perhaps how serious you may be, about her.

mmm ok haha that would be kinda flattering, but how can we be sure she is? I mean she did kinda let it slip out casually. Now that's made me think about your proposition on why she did, the way i read it when she said it and i'm only guessing, my guts telling me it was coming from a place of conversation. Like there wasn't any agenda or purpose, just sharing a thought that's how it came across  but now i think about it god knows lol i have no idea the reason she shared. On her profile it says she is looking for a serious relationship and a soulmate, so i'm confused by the fact she's looking for something serious but considering moving. I'm guessing maybe she's seeing if she meets someone special she will stay who knows i dont know and even when you ask the question and if i was to ask her she maybe doesn't know. Feelings are complicated things, they come and go.  When i went to thailand for a holiday in july i was 99 percent certain i was going to move back to sydney from the gold coast where i live now for similar reasons to her's to what little she did share, but i came back and realised how lucky i am where i live and how beautiful it is and the network ive built here and changed my mind and now those thoughts of moving have evoporated. So i wonder wether to try a couple more dates to feel it out and see where shes at with this move. But her sharing that with me has taken the wind out of my sails. The motivation to pursue her has dwindled a little. 

Edited September 27 by Goodguy05

[Maldives]

14 hours ago, Gaeta said:

I will go against the grain here, l would not date her. What's the point? You will invest your time and feeling and in 6-12 months she up and go and you're left with a heartbreak. I don't know why anyone would give a try to that.

What was her purpose on a dating app? 

The other thing I don't get Gaeta is wouldn't she be aware sharing her plan to go back would dampen the vibe? Surely she would know that? It's like me saying I'm not over my ex yet lol well not that equivalent but you get my point. 

[S2B]

I think she is seeing how much of her poor behavior and treatment to you - you’re willing to put up with.

I wouldn’t let her waste my time and energy if she expects to leave.

[Alpacalia]

20 hours ago, Goodguy05 said:

I guess the overall advice I'm getting is to go for it haha. Haaa the old heart I wonder if I could take it again lol. But your right she may not even go who knows I know that with myself thoughts feelings change all the time. 

I dated someone for two years when eventually I knew I would eventually be moving back to the east coast. And even though I knew he was going overseas for a PhD program and I wasn’t sure how’d we make it work, somehow we did for two years. I don't regret the relationship at all, and I’m really glad I dated him. I believe we made a positive impact on each other’s lives, and learned a lot. 

Her decision to potentially move back to Korea is not set in stone and things could change. It sounds like you have a strong connection and chemistry with her, so why not go for it? You never know what could happen and you could have a really amazing time together. Maybe she will fall madly in love with you and not want to go. Stranger things have happened. 😉

[Maldives]

6 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

I dated someone for two years when eventually I knew I would eventually be moving back to the east coast. And even though I knew he was going overseas for a PhD program and I wasn’t sure how’d we make it work, somehow we did for two years. I don't regret the relationship at all, and I’m really glad I dated him. I believe we made a positive impact on each other’s lives, and learned a lot. 

Her decision to potentially move back to Korea is not set in stone and things could change. It sounds like you have a strong connection and chemistry with her, so why not go for it? You never know what could happen and you could have a really amazing time together. Maybe she will fall madly in love with you and not want to go. Stranger things have happened. 😉

Haha yes you never know, thanks Alpacalia 

[Leihla_B]

17 hours ago, Goodguy05 said:

So i wonder wether to try a couple more dates to feel it out and see where shes at with this move. But her sharing that with me has taken the wind out of my sails. The motivation to pursue her has dwindled a little. 

I would. We could speculate about the context, but that's not useful. Since your connection is so rare, why not invest in flushing this out? If your motivation has dampened a bit, then that might actually be a good check against diving in head first too quickly. That's the kind of heavy pursuit that can scare someone off. 

Think of this like meeting someone fabulous who hasn't yet decided whether to take a job or pursue a university far away. Learn more as you explore the context, and make room for the idea that she's just doing what you described about possibly moving to Sydney. There's lots of room for learning here, and it would be a shame to toss out any potential based on assumptions.

EnjOy!

[Gaeta]

How old are you and do you date with a purpose?

If l was someone living in the moment l would date her and what ever happens happens but if you date with a purpose and your purpose is to marry and start a family, then l would pass. Depends on your personality and what you're looking for.

[Maldives]

5 hours ago, Leihla_B said:

I would. We could speculate about the context, but that's not useful. Since your connection is so rare, why not invest in flushing this out? If your motivation has dampened a bit, then that might actually be a good check against diving in head first too quickly. That's the kind of heavy pursuit that can scare someone off. 

Think of this like meeting someone fabulous who hasn't yet decided whether to take a job or pursue a university far away. Learn more as you explore the context, and make room for the idea that she's just doing what you described about possibly moving to Sydney. There's lots of room for learning here, and it would be a shame to toss out any potential based on assumptions.

EnjOy!

Brilliantly said you are right. It helped she reached out yesterday haha just what I needed I think to boost that motivation a little. It is rare to establish a connection like that with someone you are right. 

[Els]

You're 5 dates in. You can't seriously be thinking about moving to a country that you know nothing about and where you don't speak the language and don't have work rights... for a person you've only had 5 dates with?! Do you have any idea what immigration entails? For instance, you can only spend 3 months in South Korea on your visa waiver, and if you're applying for a tourist visa, you'll need to prove that you want to be an actual tourist and not work. So on and so forth.

Migrating to a new country is really not something you do on a whim. It is NOTHING like moving from Sydney to the Gold Coast, I can guarantee you at least that much.

[Maldives]

3 hours ago, Gaeta said:

How old are you and do you date with a purpose?

If l was someone living in the moment l would date her and what ever happens happens but if you date with a purpose and your purpose is to marry and start a family, then l would pass. Depends on your personality and what you're looking for.

Gaeta I'm a young 53 ☺️

[Maldives]

On 9/29/2024 at 8:21 AM, Els said:

You're 5 dates in. You can't seriously be thinking about moving to a country that you know nothing about and where you don't speak the language and don't have work rights... for a person you've only had 5 dates with?! Do you have any idea what immigration entails? For instance, you can only spend 3 months in South Korea on your visa waiver, and if you're applying for a tourist visa, you'll need to prove that you want to be an actual tourist and not work. So on and so forth.

Migrating to a new country is really not something you do on a whim. It is NOTHING like moving from Sydney to the Gold Coast, I can guarantee you at least that much.

Els [ ]  you have gotten the point of my post completely wrong. [I am not moving to Korea permanently]

Edited September 30 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
civility

[Acacia98]

Frankly, if I were in your shoes, I wouldn't bother dating her. I already devoted enough years of my life to the "let's just see what happens" approach to dating during my younger years (I moved around a bit in my twenties and early thirties and also tended to meet people who were doing the same). I'm not wired to do that kind of dating, so it didn't work for me. It took a toll. Some people are able to do it and adjust well once the other person moves, but it's not a universal talent. It's good to know where you fit. I may be wrong, but it sounds to me like you're not wired for it either. So I think it's best to let her figure out what she wants to do with no pressure from you while you date women who are likely to be around in the long term.

Now if she's just testing you as some folks say (I don't believe she is, but let's just consider the possibility), that's another reason not to continue dating her. You want to be with someone who's emotionally intelligent, not someone who plays mind games.

Edited September 30 by Acacia98

[Els]

6 hours ago, Goodguy05 said:

Els [ ]  you have gotten the point of my post completely wrong. [I am not moving to Korea permanently]

I mean, you literally said "I actually thought about living in Asia but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't wanna do it on a permanent basis I've played with the idea of going back and fourth spending maybe 6 mths there and coming back and a job where you can do that and work anywhere remotely."

So if you are definitely never moving to Korea permanently, what exactly is your question about? Of course, if moving there isn't a possibility for you and you want a LTR, then there's no point in carrying on, because you'd eventually be in an indefinite LDR, and those don't survive (LDRs can work, but they need an end date). If you're fine with dating casually and just breaking things off if she moves, then carry on. It depends on what you want out of this and how you feel about it.