Just exhausted.

[WorldTraveler]

Let me preface by saying I know dating (especially online) is a pure numbers game. Only a percentage of matches lead to a number and a percentage of numbers lead to a date. But is flaking just the unfortunate reality of dating these days? Out of the past four girls I was talking to two led to dates where I wasn’t interested in more past the first date and two led to an exchange of texts, trying to planning a date and then flaking. It seems like the ones I don’t have interest in have the potential to go somewhere, yet the ones I actually get excited over and have interest in either flake or fizzle. Just turned 30 and at this point I’m just tired of the up and down emotions and the process of this all. This last one was an online match who showed all the initiation from the start by asking for my number and texting me. We then exchanged socials and after a week of brief flirty texting here and there every few days we finally planned for a date this week. Day of the date came and she apologized asking if we could reschedule for next week. Of course I said “no problem just let me know what day works best and we can see if our schedules align”. Of course I’m bummed and was really looking forward to this date. Naturally after I said that, no reply from her and here I am already considering it done. Ball is in her court at this point and maybe I’ll reach out one last time next week but really don’t even want to since she’s the one to reschedule day of. Usually follow a two strike rule with this kind of behavior. I just feel like time is the most precious currency when it comes to dating and I know better to waste my time if someone flakes twice in a row. Hard not to wonder if it’s just dating these days or something I’m doing even though we didn’t meet for me to leave a wrong impression. Of course I know a match or number doesn’t always guarantee a date and I’m okay with that. I guess I just don’t understand when people don’t even wait until after the first date to make a decision either way.

Edited September 27 by WorldTraveler
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[NuevoYorko]

Do you have a problem when you "flake" or "fizzle" because you are not interested in the girls?  Well .. it works both ways.   

These were women you don't even know - but now you do know that they were not interested enough and / or are just flakey.   So consider that a win for you.  Good to know early on rather than wasting your time.

 

[BaileyB]

Dating exhausting. And discouraging. I agree.

I would simply say two things - 

It’s important to take breaks for dating every now and again, or it will bring you down. 

when you finally meet someone, all the frustration kind of fades away…

 

[Goodguy05]

17 hours ago, WorldTraveler said:

Let me preface by saying I know dating (especially online) is a pure numbers game. Only a percentage of matches lead to a number and a percentage of numbers lead to a date. But is flaking just the unfortunate reality of dating these days? Out of the past four girls I was talking to two led to dates where I wasn’t interested in more past the first date and two led to an exchange of texts, trying to planning a date and then flaking. It seems like the ones I don’t have interest in have the potential to go somewhere, yet the ones I actually get excited over and have interest in either flake or fizzle. Just turned 30 and at this point I’m just tired of the up and down emotions and the process of this all. This last one was an online match who showed all the initiation from the start by asking for my number and texting me. We then exchanged socials and after a week of brief flirty texting here and there every few days we finally planned for a date this week. Day of the date came and she apologized asking if we could reschedule for next week. Of course I said “no problem just let me know what day works best and we can see if our schedules align”. Of course I’m bummed and was really looking forward to this date. Naturally after I said that, no reply from her and here I am already considering it done. Ball is in her court at this point and maybe I’ll reach out one last time next week but really don’t even want to since she’s the one to reschedule day of. Usually follow a two strike rule with this kind of behavior. I just feel like time is the most precious currency when it comes to dating and I know better to waste my time if someone flakes twice in a row. Hard not to wonder if it’s just dating these days or something I’m doing even though we didn’t meet for me to leave a wrong impression. Of course I know a match or number doesn’t always guarantee a date and I’m okay with that. I guess I just don’t understand when people don’t even wait until after the first date to make a decision either way.

What I've come to realise with dating online texting should only be to set up a date. That way you qualify them a lot faster. I would illiminate texting back and fourth and investing too much time before asking for the date. Sure establish some rapport initially and then ask her out. That will tell you very quickly where she's at with you and wether she's interested. That way your not so invested and can move on to someone more suited. 

[WorldTraveler]

16 minutes ago, Goodguy05 said:

What I've come to realise with dating online texting should only be to set up a date. That way you qualify them a lot faster. I would illiminate texting back and fourth and investing too much time before asking for the date. Sure establish some rapport initially and then ask her out. That will tell you very quickly where she's at with you and wether she's interested. That way your not so invested and can move on to someone more suited. 

Yeah that was definitely the angle I took. She kept texting and asking questions to get to know me and I made sure to space things out to avoid back and forth chit chat before the date. Only exchanging a few texts every couple of days because I didn’t want to run out of things to talk about.  I took control and said I’d take care of all the planning, etc but then she got “sick” a few days prior and ultimately felt worse leading up to the day of the date and asked to reschedule.  

[Goodguy05]

39 minutes ago, WorldTraveler said:

Yeah that was definitely the angle I took. She kept texting and asking questions to get to know me and I made sure to space things out to avoid back and forth chit chat before the date. Only exchanging a few texts every couple of days because I didn’t want to run out of things to talk about.  I took control and said I’d take care of all the planning, etc but then she got “sick” a few days prior and ultimately felt worse leading up to the day of the date and asked to reschedule.  

online dating can be frustrating trust me i know i been on and off em for years. Keep at it refine your approach get better at it  learn from your mistakes and eventually you will find someone. look at me i found someone great but she drops a bombshell on me that shes thinking of moving back overseas lol. Just gotta keep moving forwrad. These apps can be a great way to meet someone keep at it. 

[Leihla_B]

1 hour ago, Goodguy05 said:

What I've come to realise with dating online texting should only be to set up a date. That way you qualify them a lot faster. I would illiminate texting back and fourth and investing too much time before asking for the date. Sure establish some rapport initially and then ask her out. That will tell you very quickly where she's at with you and wether she's interested. That way your not so invested and can move on to someone more suited. 

Yes, but why go through all that preamble and expense of setting up a full date? Most people just set up quick coffee meets or fast drinks. Maybe a few each week on their way home from work. Coffee works well, as you can just pick yours up and hit a table whenever you get there. If you get stood up, you can just take it with you, and nothing is lost.

Think of quick meets as speed dating. No big deal, and you don't need to work hard for it. Either someone is on the site to meet potential dates quickly, or they are not. If not, just set up meets with others while you message the ones who are more cautious.

And yes, most people are NOT our match. That's not cynical, it's just natural odds. So take breaks when you need them, but don't talk yourself into making this more difficult than it needs to be. Think of salespeople who need to set up lunches or drinks all the time for a living... at least you don't have to do that.

Head high, you can do this.

[Alpacalia]

There are so many options online and combine that with people having 24/7 access to them through their phones. Their attention is so focused on their profiles and constantly checking their notification from strangers that getting them to commit to a date is like winning the lottery.

Plus, there are many flaky people who don't even want to date but seem to get off on the attention they can get on dating sites/apps. It's just the nature of the beast these days. Timing is everything with people and if the timing isn't right, you won't get the date unfortunately.

Dating or courtship process is not easy especially in this day and age. It's just good to keep yourself busy with other things while chatting with prospects, that way if one falls through, it won't sting quite as much. 

[WorldTraveler]

3 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

There are so many options online and combine that with people having 24/7 access to them through their phones. Their attention is so focused on their profiles and constantly checking their notification from strangers that getting them to commit to a date is like winning the lottery.

Plus, there are many flaky people who don't even want to date but seem to get off on the attention they can get on dating sites/apps. It's just the nature of the beast these days. Timing is everything with people and if the timing isn't right, you won't get the date unfortunately.

Dating or courtship process is not easy especially in this day and age. It's just good to keep yourself busy with other things while chatting with prospects, that way if one falls through, it won't sting quite as much. 

It’s horrible the dating culture these days. If I knew what I know now back in my 20’s I would have probably dated a little more seriously rather than thinking i had all the time in the world to figure it out. It’s just hard to not question if it’s you after awhile unfortunately. 

[Alpacalia]

9 hours ago, WorldTraveler said:

It’s horrible the dating culture these days. If I knew what I know now back in my 20’s I would have probably dated a little more seriously rather than thinking i had all the time in the world to figure it out. It’s just hard to not question if it’s you after awhile unfortunately. 

I spent my teenage years, twenties and thirties in long term relationship so when I came out of it I preferred being single. Do you have any examples about why you think it may have to do with you? I mean, it's always a good idea to reflect, see if there is something you can improve but at the same time online dating is a numbers game. I think that timing plays an important role too, you have to meet the right person at the right time and circumstances, it's a bit of luck as well. 

[WorldTraveler]

6 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

I spent my teenage years, twenties and thirties in long term relationship so when I came out of it I preferred being single. Do you have any examples about why you think it may have to do with you? I mean, it's always a good idea to reflect, see if there is something you can improve but at the same time online dating is a numbers game. I think that timing plays an important role too, you have to meet the right person at the right time and circumstances, it's a bit of luck as well. 

No specific examples but after a string of failed dates it’s easy to spiral and think like that. I just didn’t think flaking was the norm these days. But I truly think the toxic environment that is dating, with multiple choices and everyone looking for the next best thing is contributing. Thought I’d give her the benefit of the doubt because she wanted to reschedule the day of the date because she was “sick”. But then I see on her social media that she was out and about downtown. So no desire to want to reach back out at this point. 

[Alpacalia]

15 hours ago, WorldTraveler said:

No specific examples but after a string of failed dates it’s easy to spiral and think like that. I just didn’t think flaking was the norm these days. But I truly think the toxic environment that is dating, with multiple choices and everyone looking for the next best thing is contributing. Thought I’d give her the benefit of the doubt because she wanted to reschedule the day of the date because she was “sick”. But then I see on her social media that she was out and about downtown. So no desire to want to reach back out at this point. 

Did she ever get back in touch? I was dating someone and I hadn't rescheduled a date but I was just getting over being sick but had to be at a birthday party even though I felt sick still. So I went (I know started feeling ill at the party) and then I was out of commission for 3 days. Wasn't fun.