basil67 Posted September 29 Share Posted September 29 39 minutes ago, TrailHand said: If she becomes ill she will get as much treatment as we can afford without dipping into our assets, at which point I will collect her insurance money and use it to build more equity for our children to have a little cushion in life. What does your wife have to say about this? Link to post Share on other sites
Leihla_B Posted September 29 Share Posted September 29 (edited) 1 hour ago, TrailHand said: We do a 3 account method, but she likes to spend her funds on intangibles like going to the fair or seeing a movie with a kiddo or her mother. Great! You each have funds with which to negotiate, and you can make that fun. It's something to keep in mind should your knuckles turn white at one of her suggestions. Quote ...I enjoy gift giving and am told I'm quite good at it... Excellent! This has already bought you valuable goodwill. Bribery has its advantages. Quote ... I don't really care for that kind of thing. I'm happy to finish work and watch a movie or relax my bones at the dinner table. I hear. Consider reading up on how novel environments and social experiences are crucial 'romance lubricants' for many partners. It allows them to view their partner through the same lens that caused them to fall in love while they were dating, and this can resurrect some of those feelings. An occasional double-date with another couple also serves this purpose. It keeps couples viewing one another at their best, through the social lens that they don't get to use every day. Quote The fine art of appearing "reasonable", haha. That's a good one. What's reasonable? Hah! I'm making this up: "A fair person with whom one can reason without being dismissed." While this certainly doesn't mean you can never disagree, your willingness to understand your wife speaks volumes about your love for her. She's a lucky woman. Quote I am slightly concerned that this will become a slippery slope though. Oh, geez. Sure, it could happen, but best to avoid 'contempt prior to investigation.' You may end up enjoying yourself, or at very least enjoying how much happiness you'll bring to your wife. If she starts craving dates that involve an airplane, my bet is on your ability to walk that back. I hope you'll consider updating us, and I hope you end up enjOying yourself. Edited September 29 by Leihla_B 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted September 29 Share Posted September 29 1 hour ago, TrailHand said: I am slightly concerned that this will become a slippery slope though. What slippery slop are you talking about? That you and your wife may start to enjoy going out and having a nice time? Don't forget, cheap and cheerful is always an option, with more expensive meals saved for special events 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Leihla_B Posted September 29 Share Posted September 29 4 minutes ago, basil67 said: What slippery slop[e] are you talking about? That you and your wife may start to enjoy going out and having a nice time? Hah! Today it's dates, tomorrow it's orgies... you know how that goes. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted September 29 Share Posted September 29 43 minutes ago, Leihla_B said: Today it's dates, tomorrow it's orgies.. *Mrin has entered the conversation* Did someone say orgies? Lol. OP: your wife wants to feel special and desired by you. That can be a lot of things - everything from a fancy expensive meal to doing something totally out of character just so you can spend some quality time together. No financial briefing. Just time spent together for the sheer joy of spending time together. Go see a play at the community theater. Try taking a cooking class together. Go to a poetry slam. Visit an art museum together and giggle at the absurdity of some abstract modern art. Make a romantic picnic basket and sit under a tree together and do some cloud watching. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TrailHand Posted September 29 Author Share Posted September 29 54 minutes ago, Leihla_B said: Hah! Today it's dates, tomorrow it's orgies... you know how that goes. More like Today it's dates, tomorrow it's cruises. Next year it's "Sell that dadblame farm and lets move to the city!" KMN! Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted September 29 Share Posted September 29 39 minutes ago, TrailHand said: More like Today it's dates, tomorrow it's cruises. Next year it's "Sell that dadblame farm and lets move to the city!" KMN! I can't tell if you're joking around or serious. Is she dissatisfied with farm living? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 29 Share Posted September 29 11 hours ago, TrailHand said: If you're going to troll, please do so elsewhere. I'm trying to wrap my head around this whole "fun to spend money" idea at the age of 55 when we should be worried about eating dog food and sending our children to college, not to mention feeding 220 head of cattle and run a working farm. I am not trolling. I am calling out what I see as a thread to wind posters up. Have fun. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted September 29 Share Posted September 29 9 hours ago, TrailHand said: More like Today it's dates, tomorrow it's cruises. Next year it's "Sell that dadblame farm and lets move to the city!" KMN! She can’t do anything without your consent. But yes, it’s called living. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted September 29 Share Posted September 29 15 hours ago, TrailHand said: Many women aren't as superficial as you make them out to be. We'd be married if we never went to dinner and only ate at home, played with our critters and kids, and rocked on the back porch. This is a very nasty way of categorizing women. If your spouse needs constant attention and "prizes", maybe she's not ready to be in a marriage. Thanks for chiming in though. Spending time outside the house with your spouse without turning the entire thing into a business meeting is hardly "superficial", lol. There are plenty of romantic things that you can do together that cost less than $50 or even $25. There are plenty of things that you can do to make your wife feel loved and attended to that cost less than $25. The only problem is that these things take effort, and you seem to be willing to put in zero effort into making romance happen. (Which is really strange, considering the immense hoops that you're willing to jump through to skirt your tax obligations...) I actually agree with @ExpatInItaly in that this thread seems designed to get a rise out of people. Mostly because it's so hard to believe that anyone of your age could miss the forest for the trees THAT badly. 2 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TrailHand Posted September 29 Author Share Posted September 29 15 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: I am not trolling. I am calling out what I see as a thread to wind posters up. Have fun. I'm glad you were able to get wound up. I hope it was enjoyable. Meanwhile others gave sound advice and attempted to help, and now I have a plan of action with a little more understanding of the original problem. Frankly if you were the only one on this forum, I would have simply left and considered it dead. 6 hours ago, Els said: Spending time outside the house with your spouse without turning the entire thing into a business meeting is hardly "superficial", lol. There are plenty of romantic things that you can do together that cost less than $50 or even $25. There are plenty of things that you can do to make your wife feel loved and attended to that cost less than $25. The only problem is that these things take effort, and you seem to be willing to put in zero effort into making romance happen. (Which is really strange, considering the immense hoops that you're willing to jump through to skirt your tax obligations...) I actually agree with @ExpatInItaly in that this thread seems designed to get a rise out of people. Mostly because it's so hard to believe that anyone of your age could miss the forest for the trees THAT badly. It is entirely superficial, but that's MY opinion because the act has no monetary value and our goal should be to stack as much as possible before my working life is over. This threw a wrench into things for superficial reasons that do not help our goal at all, but only serve to butter one side of the bread so to speak. To say it's not superficial - well that's YOUR opinion. I see things differently. I *enjoy* work, my life, my kids, and my wife. I am glad that you too were able to "get a rise" from my question, but the goal is understanding, not pearl clutching and mouth gaping because someone thinks differently than you. Now, both of you go say something hateful to yourself in the mirror until you can get it all out of your system so you don't feel the need to poop on my problems. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted September 29 Share Posted September 29 33 minutes ago, TrailHand said: To say it's not superficial - well that's YOUR opinion. I see things differently. I *enjoy* work, my life, my kids, and my wife Sure, but the whole point of this thread is that YOUR WIFE does not enjoy the life she has with you, yes? Or does "unhappy wife" have a different meaning in your dictionary? 34 minutes ago, TrailHand said: the goal is understanding, not pearl clutching and mouth gaping because someone thinks differently than you. Indeed. Now perhaps repeat that to yourself a couple of times, and we might get somewhere. I truly hope for your wife's sake that you were just engaging in a bit of creative writing. In the unlikely event that everything you said here is true, then it sounds like you're just looking for validation to avoid putting in the tiniest iota of effort into anything that doesn't fit your extremely narrow range of "things worth spending time on". And your wife must the most patient woman in the world, but unfortunately everyone runs out of patience eventually. At any rate, I hope you enjoy your retirement, and I hope it won't be a lonely experience for you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TrailHand Posted September 29 Author Share Posted September 29 5 minutes ago, Els said: Sure, but the whole point of this thread is that YOUR WIFE does not enjoy the life she has with you, yes? Or does "unhappy wife" have a different meaning in your dictionary? Indeed. Now perhaps repeat that to yourself a couple of times, and we might get somewhere. I truly hope for your wife's sake that you were just engaging in a bit of creative writing. In the unlikely event that everything you said here is true, then it sounds like you're just looking for validation to avoid putting in the tiniest iota of effort into anything that doesn't fit your extremely narrow range of "things worth spending time on". And your wife must the most patient woman in the world, but unfortunately everyone runs out of patience eventually. At any rate, I hope you enjoy your retirement, and I hope it won't be a lonely experience for you. No, you missed "the whole point". The point was to understand what the difference was and the logic behind having a meal with what amounts to a coupon vs paying full price just to be paying full price, the logic behind it, and what may be unreasonable. I truly hope for our husband's sake that you are just trolling people on the internet and you aren't so insufferable and dismissive of his feelings and ideas in real life as you have been to me on this forum. Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted September 29 Share Posted September 29 23 hours ago, TrailHand said: Many women aren't as superficial as you make them out to be. We'd be married if we never went to dinner and only ate at home, played with our critters and kids, and rocked on the back porch. This is a very nasty way of categorizing women. If your spouse needs constant attention and "prizes", maybe she's not ready to be in a marriage. Thanks for chiming in though. Wanting to go out and do stuff together is superficial? Liking romance and exciting dates is superficial? So what is not superficial? Oh, right, never going to dinner and rocking on the back porch. Mind you, it’s okay if this is truly your opinion (a shallow one, but still). The problem is that you mistake your own opinion for a universal moral rule, and are trying to enforce it on your wife. You’re deciding for your wife what is superficial and what is not, what is romantic and what is not, what is proper in a marriage and what is not. That never ends well. No wonder your marriage has been, in your words, “less than stellar”. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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