pinkteddy42 Posted September 28 Share Posted September 28 Hi all, I’ve been seeing this gentleman for 5 weeks. I’m 27F and he is 30M. When we met it was good connection and we met lots, like 16 times in one month (I know crazy). I did ask him to be exclusive (seeing each other 1:1) about 2 weeks in and he agreed. Recently he realized that we are moving very fast, which I understand and totally respect. He says that his style of dating is to see all prospects first and then be in a commited realtionship and mine is date 1:1. He says it is so early to commit seriously, which I understand so he would like to possibly date other people. I told him I would like 1:1, so our values differenciate there. I just don’t know what to do now. We do like each other and it does hurt for us to stop speaking to each other. My game plan is, break it off now and go no contact. But if God and fate let’s us, I’m willing to give us a second chance. I don’t want to hold up hope and just genuinely move on, BUT I did tell him that if he does hit me up again, he needs to do 100% effort and he says he would like me to keep an open mind to try again but no expectations between us. I told him he might meet someone else and I do not want to be a placeholder. But I genuinely can see something serious with us. I think a break would be best. I genuinely move on, but if he comes back and has his s*** together, I’m open to give it a second chance. I’m thinking move on frfr, let this man-go but also let the future decide what happens. That’s where I’m stuck - all of these thoughts sound like opposite. I want to move on but also give him a 2nd chance if it happens? I’ve seen couples break up and come back together later in the future and be stronger than ever. They see other people in the meantime, thats where I’m getting these thoughts from. Insight anyone? He is genuinely a good guy so I’m not sure what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted September 28 Share Posted September 28 (edited) 13 minutes ago, pinkteddy42 said: He says it is so early to commit seriously, He's acting like you want to get engaged after a few weeks, but all you're asking for is for him not not be dating others. Your request is perfectly reasonable and I'm glad you're sticking to your principles. As for the future, you don't have to decide now if you would give him a second chance if he came back. Heck, you could have found your Mr Right by then. If he does ask the question, I'd respond with something like "I guess I'll just have to see how I feel if and when it happens" Edited September 28 by basil67 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author pinkteddy42 Posted September 28 Author Share Posted September 28 6 minutes ago, basil67 said: He's acting like you want to get engaged after a few weeks, but all you're asking for is for him not not be dating others. Your request is perfectly reasonable and I'm glad you're sticking to your principles. As for the future, you don't have to decide now if you would give him a second chance if he came back. Heck, you could have found your Mr Right by then. If he does ask the question, I'd respond with something like "I guess I'll just have to see how I feel if and when it happens" Hi! Thank you so much for your response! I am sort of tempted to keep in contact, but I’m not sure how that would help me. If anything, its cause he can look around and still have a hold on me which I do not want. I’m wondering for my hearts sake, I am fixated on should I keep an open mind and give him a second chance but at the same time fully moving on, is this even possible? Thank you for the insight. I do lowkey want him to reach out though when he is ready…. Do I tell him this? But I also said don’t reach out if you are not ready 😂 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted September 29 Share Posted September 29 (edited) 37 minutes ago, pinkteddy42 said: Hi! Thank you so much for your response! I am sort of tempted to keep in contact, but I’m not sure how that would help me. If anything, its cause he can look around and still have a hold on me which I do not want. I’m wondering for my hearts sake, I am fixated on should I keep an open mind and give him a second chance but at the same time fully moving on, is this even possible? Thank you for the insight. I do lowkey want him to reach out though when he is ready…. Do I tell him this? But I also said don’t reach out if you are not ready 😂 I'll be really blunt: you've got this amazing connection but he's willing to risk it to see if there's someone better than you 🙄 Even if he does come back, I'm not sure you could trust him to stick around Edited September 29 by basil67 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author pinkteddy42 Posted September 29 Author Share Posted September 29 5 minutes ago, basil67 said: I'll be really blunt: you've got this amazing connection but he's willing to risk it to see if there's someone better than you 🙄 Even if he does come back, I'm not sure you could trust him to stick around You are so right about that. He says its because we went into inclusiveness too soon. It sucks because we are both so so confused. We both like and miss each other, but don’t see eye to eye in this monogamy thing right now. I do not want to wait for this man, but at the same time can’t but help feel sad to let him go. To the point where I’m like what if we are just fwb? I just need to let this man go. If he rolls around again, fine… but he needs to come with 100%. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted September 29 Share Posted September 29 5 minutes ago, pinkteddy42 said: We both like and miss each other, Either he doesn't like you enough or he has commitment issues. Either way, you should 'next' him. Think of this like boots in a second hand store: You've been looking through all the bits and bobs for months or years and then the perfect pair of boots arrives. They are a bit more than you'd pay, but you'd gladly go without something else because they are just too special to leave behind and risk someone else grabbing them. This guy is happy to risk losing you Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted September 29 Share Posted September 29 You asked him to be exclusive after 2 weeks and he agreed. Then he backed off. The most likely reason is that he wasn’t actually ready but agreed because he liked you. And now he is stressed out because he forced himself to do something he isn’t used to do, something which is “not him”. You have to decide whether you’d be okay with him dating other women until he is truly ready to commit to you. Personally, this would be a dealbreaker to me. Anything else can be delayed, but becoming exclusive is the very first thing that must happen if I really have deep feelings for a woman. If you feel that this is a dealbreaker, you’re right, you should break it off. And make him understand that you aren’t going to sit there waiting for him. If he really wants you, he’ll commit to you. If he doesn’t, then he isn’t as amazing as you thought him to be. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted September 29 Share Posted September 29 You asked him to be exclusive after only 2 weeks of seeing each other which is a ridiculously early amount of time to ask someone to be exclusive. If you had been a little more patient and given this some more time to develop, you might not have scared him off. It was perfectly reasonable for him to say things were moving too fast. When you try to rush a relationship, it usually backfires. Link to post Share on other sites
Leihla_B Posted September 29 Share Posted September 29 Do you think he may have agreed to exclusivity just to get sex, or were you sexual with him before asking for exclusivity? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spiritedaway2003 Posted September 29 Share Posted September 29 To be fair, I think your relationship got rushed. I'm a gal and I need time to get to know someone in a platonic way before even dating that person (yes, I know that's not how the dating world works, but that's how attraction works for me). 5 weeks is entirely too short (it's more of a dating phase), let alone commit to a relationship. That said, If I really like that person and see potential, I'd absolutely agree to dating exclusively. I wouldn't be ok with him dating others --- that would be a dealbreaker for me. If someone really likes you, they wouldn't put you as a placeholder and would commit to seeing one another exclusively to see if it progresses. Since he hadn't, I'd cut your losses. I wouldn't say anything about what you would do in the future, or overthink about whether he gets a second chance. You'll cross that bridge when you get to it. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 29 Share Posted September 29 5 hours ago, pinkteddy42 said: It sucks because we are both so so confused. He isn't confused. You may be, but he isn't. He knows he doesn't want the same things you do, and it moved too fast. He should not have agreed to be exclusive if it wasn't what he wanted, but now he is being honest that this isn't for him. I would let him go, and not worry about a game plan if he resurfaces. It may happen, it may not. It's not worth the mental gymnastics as this point. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Acacia98 Posted September 29 Share Posted September 29 I'm like you, OP. I can only date one person at a time. Like you, I'm also inclined to consider meeting the other person halfway when presented with this kind of dilemma. And that is why I can tell you with confidence that you should just let him go completely. Respect your boundaries and just move on without looking back. Like someone else says, if he comes looking for you in the future, you will make whatever decision you want to make then. Link to post Share on other sites
Georgia46 Posted September 29 Share Posted September 29 I’m going to write this without meaning to be harsh also, but for you to look at it clearly. you had all of those dates and he still said he wanted to explore being with other people.. he’s not feeling the connection like you did. Link to post Share on other sites
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