do You Think This Woman Is Interested in Me?

[GuitarGuy7]

So a month ago, I met a girl at a group event for pickleball and I asked for her number and she gave me it. Later that day, I texted her and asked if she wanted to meetup and she said yes. We met up at a mall where we ate food, walked around, and played arcade games at the mall. I offered to pay but she didn't want to. While we were talking, she seemed enthusiastic about the arcade games and really enjoyed playing them. We met for a total of 3 hours and afterwards, I asked if she wanted to meet up again, and she responded with "Let's meet up at the group pickleball event again".
 

The day of pickleball comes and I am unable to make it because of an event going on so I text her that I am unable to make it but would love to meet up with her again. She tells me that she is booked for next weekend but would agree to meet up 2 weeks from now. We agreed on playing minigolf.

About a few days before meeting up, I sent a video of me playing the piano to her. She said she really liked it and said it was better than the Mariah Carey Christmas song and she's looking forward to playing mini golf. She doesn’t take too long to respond. 

Today was the day that we met up to play minigolf. She payed for her way and I paid for mine. We played for a total of 3 hours and during that time, she was laughing a lot, joking a lot, and teased me a little bit and I did a little bit as well. I could tell she was having a lot of fun and enjoying it. When I wanted to get a water at the vending machine but was unable to, she walked up to the cashier and said "my friend here needs a water". Afterwards, we walked around in the arcade and she said that she really likes it and suggested that we meet up again to play arcade games. We got into the parking lot, said goodbye, and she walked to her car immediately afterwards. We did not kiss since she walked to her car immediately.

She later texted me first saying how she accidentally hit a sign and how she thought that was funny. I then asked her if she wanted to meet up again. This is a paraphrase of what she sent to me.
 

"Hey Guitarguy7 I had a lot of fun today! My sister is in labor for the next few weeks and I should help her out. Also, I have other things going on. So I won't be able to meet until November and will get back to you once things are sorted out." This means she won’t be able to meet me for at least a month. 

 

So based on all of this, do you think she is possibly romantically interested in me? 

[Gebidozo]

Sorry, man. Based on what you wrote above, I see absolutely zero clues to her having a romantic interest in you.

On the contrary, she made it very clear that, at most, she is okay with being casual friends and see each other as rarely as once per month or less. If she liked you, she’d find the time to see you much sooner under these circumstances.

You should forget about her as a romantic prospect and move on.

 

[GuitarGuy7]

6 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

Sorry, man. Based on what you wrote above, I see absolutely zero clues to her having a romantic interest in you.

On the contrary, she made it very clear that, at most, she is okay with being casual friends and see each other as rarely as once per month or less. If she liked you, she’d find the time to see you much sooner under these circumstances.

You should forget about her as a romantic prospect and move on.

 

What makes you think she only sees me as a casual friend? 

[basil67]

3 minutes ago, GuitarGuy7 said:

What makes you think she only sees me as a casual friend? 

 

This:   "I had a lot of fun today! My sister is in labor for the next few weeks and I should help her out. Also, I have other things going on. So I won't be able to meet until November and will get back to you once things are sorted out." This means she won’t be able to meet me for at least a month"

If she wanted romance, she'd find time for you

 

[Gebidozo]

4 hours ago, GuitarGuy7 said:

What makes you think she only sees me as a casual friend? 

I just told you. If she were romantically interested, she would find time for you. She wouldn’t delay the next meeting by a month or even longer. She basically made it clear to you that she isn’t interested.

[GuitarGuy7]

26 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

I just told you. If she were romantically interested, she would find time for you. She wouldn’t delay the next meeting by a month or even longer. She basically made it clear to you that she isn’t interested.

Oh well, her loss. 

I would make an amazing boyfriend. If she doesn’t see it, then that’s her problem. 

[Acacia98]

2 hours ago, GuitarGuy7 said:

Oh well, her loss. 

I would make an amazing boyfriend. If she doesn’t see it, then that’s her problem. 

You know, you don't have to frame what happened negatively. There's no problem here. It's just that, for whatever reason, you're not a match. And that's fine. She has not lost anything. You haven't lost anything. There's someone out there who will be a good match for you and will be interested in you. Keep making an effort and you'll eventually meet her.

[Gebidozo]

3 hours ago, GuitarGuy7 said:

Oh well, her loss. 

I would make an amazing boyfriend. If she doesn’t see it, then that’s her problem. 

I hope you’re joking. She isn’t obliged to see anything at all in you. If she has no feelings for you then it’s not her loss. Her not having romantic feelings for you isn’t her problem, it’s just a very normal and ordinary fact that you must accept.

I sincerely hope that you aren’t projecting this “I would make an amazing boyfriend” vibe during dates. There are few things that repel women faster and more efficiently than this kind of boasting.

[Georgia46]

Well you don’t have to write her off completely.. but keep dating. 
 

don’t put all your eggs in one basket. 
 

see how it all goes and see how you feel in November .. should SHE get in touch to arrange a date. 
 

I mean, she’s not the only option out there.  

[GuitarGuy7]

4 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

I hope you’re joking. She isn’t obliged to see anything at all in you. If she has no feelings for you then it’s not her loss. Her not having romantic feelings for you isn’t her problem, it’s just a very normal and ordinary fact that you must accept.

I sincerely hope that you aren’t projecting this “I would make an amazing boyfriend” vibe during dates. There are few things that repel women faster and more efficiently than this kind of boasting.

No I don’t boast about it. 

But I truly believe I would make a great boyfriend. 

Most women overlook me because of my outward flaws but anyone who takes a chance on me is going to get a steal. Im a 7th round draft steal. 

I’m not a flashy guy, I’m not a handsome or rich smooth talker like Travis Kelce who knows all the right words to say and knows how to be charming. But what I lack in flash, I make up for in substance. I have a wide variety of hobbies and interests, I am a well rounded individual, I am fit and look after myself, I don’t have any drug or alcohol addiction, I have a good family, I am kind and loyal and not physically abusive, I have traveled to quite a few places, I would take the relationship 100% seriously. 
 

Anyone who takes a chance on me is going to have a good boyfriend, maybe even a great boyfriend. 

[FMW]

It seems you are focused on yourself and your view of yourself, than in seeing this woman clearly.  To be a good boyfriend to anyone you will need to pay attention to what they are communicating.

Focus on what women are saying, as well as their actions.  That will tell you if they like you as a friend or romantically.  This girl's words and actions (or inactions) are telling you this is just a friendly relationship for her.  As has been stated in other responses, she would make time for you if she was romantically interested.  A good rule to follow is that if there is any ambiguity in a woman's words or actions, she's not interested romantically.

 

[Alpacalia]

3 hours ago, Georgia46 said:

Well you don’t have to write her off completely.. but keep dating. 
 

don’t put all your eggs in one basket. 
 

see how it all goes and see how you feel in November .. should SHE get in touch to arrange a date. 
 

I mean, she’s not the only option out there.  

Agree with this!

Maybe by November, things will have settled down and if you're still interested see how you feel about it then.

In the meantime, keep putting yourself out there for sure.

[Leihla_B]

1 hour ago, GuitarGuy7 said:

No I don’t boast about it. 

But I truly believe I would make a great boyfriend. 

Most women overlook me because of my outward flaws but anyone who takes a chance on me is going to get a steal. Im a 7th round draft steal. 

It's great that you see yourself this way, and there is nothing 'wrong' with self-confidence. In fact, it's necessary to roll with the rigors of dating. Most people WILL overlook you because most people are not our match. That's just natural odds. Everyone has a unique lens, and these lenses can filter out our best qualities because they are looking for something else. They simply don't have the capacity to see and appreciate the same value that someone else will notice and find important.

None of this is a reflection on you. Think of it like two pieces of a puzzle that don't fit together. Both are equally valid to the whole, they will just match somewhere else in the scheme of things.

[Gebidozo]

2 hours ago, GuitarGuy7 said:

No I don’t boast about it. 

But I truly believe I would make a great boyfriend. 

Most women overlook me because of my outward flaws but anyone who takes a chance on me is going to get a steal. Im a 7th round draft steal. 

I’m not a flashy guy, I’m not a handsome or rich smooth talker like Travis Kelce who knows all the right words to say and knows how to be charming. But what I lack in flash, I make up for in substance. I have a wide variety of hobbies and interests, I am a well rounded individual, I am fit and look after myself, I don’t have any drug or alcohol addiction, I have a good family, I am kind and loyal and not physically abusive, I have traveled to quite a few places, I would take the relationship 100% seriously. 
 

Anyone who takes a chance on me is going to have a good boyfriend, maybe even a great boyfriend. 

Sorry man, but this attitude is off-putting. If a woman had such a high opinion about herself, I’d be turned off instantly. From my experience, attractive people (men or women) are humble and don’t take themselves too seriously. I’m not trying to be mean, but I’m almost 50 and I have a lot of experience dating, and I noticed that women really don’t like this kind of self-praise. I’m just trying to help you here.

[Leihla_B]

11 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

Sorry man, but this attitude is off-putting. If a woman had such a high opinion about herself, I’d be turned off instantly. From my experience, attractive people (men or women) are humble and don’t take themselves too seriously. I’m not trying to be mean, but I’m almost 50 and I have a lot of experience dating, and I noticed that women really don’t like this kind of self-praise. I’m just trying to help you here.

Hi G, I think this ties back to our recent discussion about rejection. You mentioned that you felt secure enough not to fear rejection. So you may also have trouble putting yourself inside the mind of one who is licking their own wounds when faced with it.

Most of us tend to build ourselves up after a let-down. This can include taking an inventory of our best features or traits or assets for ourselves and those who are lending us support. This doesn't mean we walk around verbalizing this catalog to everyone we meet. So it makes no sense to shoot someone down for doing that here, in a support forum, does it?

[Gebidozo]

6 hours ago, Leihla_B said:

Hi G, I think this ties back to our recent discussion about rejection. You mentioned that you felt secure enough not to fear rejection. So you may also have trouble putting yourself inside the mind of one who is licking their own wounds when faced with it.

Most of us tend to build ourselves up after a let-down. This can include taking an inventory of our best features or traits or assets for ourselves and those who are lending us support. This doesn't mean we walk around verbalizing this catalog to everyone we meet. So it makes no sense to shoot someone down for doing that here, in a support forum, does it?

Not trying to shoot the OP down at all. I really think that just making one’s own “catalog of virtues” for oneself and not even verbalizing it to anyone is a futile exercise at best, and a likely sign of insecurity and lack of true self-love.

In another thread, a female OP was also posting lists of her merits, going into detail about what makes her such a great girlfriend, only to reveal a few pages later that she is very afraid of being rejected for her flaws and actually not even sure she is worthy of being loved. 

The OP isn’t gaining more confidence by taking the proud “it’s her loss if she doesn’t want a great guy like me” stance after a trivial rejection like this. On the contrary, if he needs such a strong painkiller after having sustained such a tiny wound, it reveals a fundamental weakness. If he feels the urge to protect himself like this before he even started dating, what will he do when a real heartbreak comes?

 

Edited September 30 by Gebidozo

[Alpacalia]

I don't think it's that serious.

I feel the OP is just feeling a bit down and is trying to focus on the positives. There's nothing wrong with that. It doesn't mean he's super boastful about it. 

[SurfCity]

Well, you've made a lot of progress with your social skills since the last time that you posted, so you should be proud of yourself. This girl doesn't seem interested in you romantically, it seems more like a friendship to me. You need friends, so you should view this as a positive development in your life. 

Not trying to hurt your feelings, but the qualities that you posted about yourself are basic and standard. You know that you're scraping the bottom of the barrel when you have to list that you're not a drug addict as one of your good qualities. Again, I don't mean to hurt your feelings, but you sound very arrogant about your very regular attributes. Try not be bitter when someone sees you as a friend and instead be grateful that you've gained a new friend.

[Leihla_B]

1 hour ago, Gebidozo said:

Not trying to shoot the OP down at all. I really think that just making one’s own “catalog of virtues” for oneself and not even verbalizing it to anyone is a futile exercise at best, and a likely sign of insecurity and lack of true self-love.

When someone is feeling insecure, how would you suggest they should speak to themselves? Is the goal to recognize the things they do like about themselves, and capitalize on that, or is there some advantage to squelching all positive self talk--in favor of what?

Quote

In another thread, a female OP was also posting lists of her merits, going into detail about what makes her such a great girlfriend, only to reveal a few pages later that she is very afraid of being rejected for her flaws and actually not even sure she is worthy of being loved. 

Exactly, I know who you mean. So why wouldn't this demonstrate to you why there's no need to knock her for trying to build herself up in her own mind? I saw you tell her something along the lines of "get confident," but how would you suggest that people build their confidence if you're going to admonish them for reaching for positive things?

Those two pieces of advice don't seem to go together.

Quote

The OP isn’t gaining more confidence by taking the proud “it’s her loss if she doesn’t want a great guy like me” stance after a trivial rejection like this. 

Why not? I think every grandma in the world has said that to a young person who's been rejected, "It's their loss." What would you tell someone you love to help them feel better?

Quote

On the contrary, if he needs such a strong painkiller after having sustained such a tiny wound, it reveals a fundamental weakness. If he feels the urge to protect himself like this before he even started dating, what will he do when a real heartbreak comes?

While I can appreciate your intent, there's a big gap in empathy from someone who admittedly has never feared rejection. It sounds dismissive of someone else's experience.

If I'm hurting and trying to build myself up to feel better, how does coming along and knocking me for that help me?

Edited September 30 by Leihla_B

[GuitarGuy7]

49 minutes ago, SurfCity said:

Not trying to hurt your feelings, but the qualities that you posted about yourself are basic and standard. You know that you're scraping the bottom of the barrel when you have to list that you're not a drug addict as one of your good qualities. Again, I don't mean to hurt your feelings, but you sound very arrogant about your very regular attributes. Try not be bitter when someone sees you as a friend and instead be grateful that you've gained a new friend.

Lots of people are drug, smoking, or alcohol addicts.At my college for example, nearly all of the international college kids smoke. 

Quite a few men are physically abusive and are real jerks. My sisters dad would be such an example.

1/3rd of the American population is obese. 

So the fact that I’m not an addict, not an abuser, and fairly fit makes me at least an okay partner. 
 

I’m not saying I’m a 10/10 or would be a perfect partner, I’m just saying that I have a lot going for me and I think I would be a great boyfriend if someone takes a chance on me. 

 

[basil67]

21 minutes ago, GuitarGuy7 said:

So the fact that I’m not an addict, not an abuser, and fairly fit makes me at least an okay partner. 

No it doesn't. 

This is just the very basics of what a woman may want.  There are all those other things like how well your lives work together, your attitudes, belief systems, matching senses of humour, etc etc etc.  

[South London Stephen]

Woa....

I'm new to this, dating, and analyzing it on the internet. I'm 47, and my wife chased me, and then died 20 years later. She was my first relationship, and  before I got with her I'd thought no one would want me. But now after she's gone, I'm looking for company as I've got a taste for it. At 47 its not easy. women in their 40s are a very shy creature indeed. I don't have access to a crowd of them at work, but most of them ARE busy, with work, family, caring for parents....  I care for a parent, but I don't. or wouldn't dream of saying to anyone that was a  reason I couldn't see them. But, I guess people see things differently, and work on different timescales. I work very hard to get any contact with any woman, and mostly get responses like what the op has had, either before meeting or after a first meet. The only woman who really wanted to see me a few times, was after sex, and when it was done she went away. Did her best to be kind about it, but looking back it all makes sense.

So I guess I'm saying to the op, check what you actually want in a girlfriend, if you need a regular contact, and think you can get it somewhere else, then politely explain that to this girl, don't worry about being embarrassed, because she's not for you, but if you enjoyed spending time with her and you're not in a mad rush, you don't need to see this as rejection. Give her a few weeks, and in that time you can concentrate on other friendships, then IF you do see her in a month, you'll have more to talk about, and you won't come accross as needy. 

Maybe things are different over there, or its because you're a lot younger than me, but for me a month, though its painful, is nothing really.

[Gebidozo]

9 hours ago, Leihla_B said:

When someone is feeling insecure, how would you suggest they should speak to themselves? Is the goal to recognize the things they do like about themselves, and capitalize on that, or is there some advantage to squelching all positive self talk--in favor of what?

Exactly, I know who you mean. So why wouldn't this demonstrate to you why there's no need to knock her for trying to build herself up in her own mind? I saw you tell her something along the lines of "get confident," but how would you suggest that people build their confidence if you're going to admonish them for reaching for positive things?

Those two pieces of advice don't seem to go together.

Why not? I think every grandma in the world has said that to a young person who's been rejected, "It's their loss." What would you tell someone you love to help them feel better?

While I can appreciate your intent, there's a big gap in empathy from someone who admittedly has never feared rejection. It sounds dismissive of someone else's experience.

If I'm hurting and trying to build myself up to feel better, how does coming along and knocking me for that help me?

I guess we’ll have to agree to disagree. You and I obviously have different opinions concerning what would be helpful in OP’s situation or in comparable circumstances.

For once, I think the “grandma advice” you mentioned is worthless at best, harmful at worst.

Every time I had a break up a member of my family would tell me how it wasn’t my fault and how it was “their loss”. If someone had the guts and the honesty and a real desire to make me a better person, they would have told me the harsh truth back then, and I would have stopped being a horrible human being  and ruin my life and the lives of other people way earlier.

Spoiling and pampering and sugarcoating can be highly destructive. So no, I’d never tell my son that it’s “her loss” if he begins to complain about some girl not liking him and then proceeds to praise himself for not being an alcoholic and not physically abusing anyone. I’d tell him, “Get over it and stop with the silly boasting”. 

[Leihla_B]

4 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

I guess we’ll have to agree to disagree. You and I obviously have different opinions concerning what would be helpful in OP’s situation or in comparable circumstances.

For once, I think the “grandma advice” you mentioned is worthless at best, harmful at worst.

Every time I had a break up a member of my family would tell me how it wasn’t my fault and how it was “their loss”. If someone had the guts and the honesty and a real desire to make me a better person, they would have told me the harsh truth back then, and I would have stopped being a horrible human being  and ruin my life and the lives of other people way earlier.

Spoiling and pampering and sugarcoating can be highly destructive. So no, I’d never tell my son that it’s “her loss” if he begins to complain about some girl not liking him and then proceeds to praise himself for not being an alcoholic and not physically abusing anyone. I’d tell him, “Get over it and stop with the silly boasting”. 

I do understand that your intentions are good, and I have seen your openness to suggestions and input in your own thread. When it comes to the love and generosity you feel toward your partner, you are willing to consider points of view that contribute to your prior successes in smoothing out some of your rough edges carried from youth.

This gives me hope that someday you might reflect and reconsider why tearing someone down (who is already down) is not exactly helpful.

It also doesn't address how one navigates from feeling low to, somehow, "being confident".

Anyway, thanks as always for the good discussion.

[Gebidozo]

1 hour ago, Leihla_B said:

I do understand that your intentions are good, and I have seen your openness to suggestions and input in your own thread. When it comes to the love and generosity you feel toward your partner, you are willing to consider points of view that contribute to your prior successes in smoothing out some of your rough edges carried from youth.

This gives me hope that someday you might reflect and reconsider why tearing someone down (who is already down) is not exactly helpful.

It also doesn't address how one navigates from feeling low to, somehow, "being confident".

Anyway, thanks as always for the good discussion.

Thank you! I’ll think about what you said here, okay? Maybe you’re right😊