Physical attraction or romantic interest can grow over time?

[SEASON_WINTER]

 

I've been getting to know someone through online dating for a little over a week. We've had two dinner dates, and he even sent coffee to my office, which was really thoughtful. However, to be honest, I’m not physically attracted to him.

Yesterday, he texted asking, "How is the day looking like?" and I haven’t replied yet. I’m unsure whether I should continue the connection, as I don’t want to lead him on if things don’t work out eventually. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Can attraction grow, or should I be upfront about my feelings now?

[Sony12]

It's probably better to tell him that you just don't feel the chemistry. You can become friends with him but you will likely never be all that attracted to him as a potential romantic partner.

Chemistry can grow over time but seldom are working adults around each other enough for that to happen. Usually when that happens it's kids who grew up together.

[spiritedaway2003]

I think if you know, you know.  If there's a gnawing feeling that you should just cut it off, then listen to your gut.

On your broader question: For me, the chemistry is either there or not there.  If it isn't there, no amount of "trying" can change that. 

It's either you have it from the start, or if the chemistry is still ambiguous/undefined at the beginning, then attraction can grow as you get to know that person (time).   This also varies by individual, some people must be physically attracted to the other person first for attraction to grow.  If you're not physically attracted to him already and you sound concerned about it, it might be kinder to gently tell him that you aren't feeling it.

Edited September 29 by spiritedaway2003

[Gebidozo]

If you aren’t attracted to him physically, you aren’t. Don’t feel guilty about it and make it clear to him nothing romantic is going to happen.

[Leihla_B]

3 hours ago, SEASON_WINTER said:

Yesterday, he texted asking, "How is the day looking like?" and I haven’t replied yet.

Yeah, you're just not interested. If you find yourself putting off a response rather than excited to hear from someone, it's not going to get better. Do yourself and him a favor and tell him you don't see romance in the cards for the two of you, but thank you for the dates.

Don't try to morph dating into a friendship. That's just messy and awkward.

[fred123]

22 hours ago, SEASON_WINTER said:

 

I've been getting to know someone through online dating for a little over a week. We've had two dinner dates, and he even sent coffee to my office, which was really thoughtful. However, to be honest, I’m not physically attracted to him.

Yesterday, he texted asking, "How is the day looking like?" and I haven’t replied yet. I’m unsure whether I should continue the connection, as I don’t want to lead him on if things don’t work out eventually. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Can attraction grow, or should I be upfront about my feelings now?

Why did u got on a second dinner date if you weren't interested? Also did he try to kiss you on any of th3 dstes? That's why a guy should so he knows. 

[Alpacalia]

23 hours ago, SEASON_WINTER said:

Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Can attraction grow, or should I be upfront about my feelings now?

Yes, attraction can grow. It has for me! But if you don't feel the SLIGHTEST bit of attraction then it's probably a no.

[SEASON_WINTER]

12 minutes ago, fred123 said:

Why did u got on a second dinner date if you weren't interested? Also did he try to kiss you on any of th3 dstes? That's why a guy should so he knows. 

Our second dinner was spontaneous, initiated by me to return his thermal flask. While he didn’t attempt to kiss me, he did touch my arm on two occasions.

[Gaeta]

It happenned to me when l met my ex. After our 1st meeting l had decided if he called  me back l would decline. He did call and l decided to give it a second shot, l had nothing planned.  On our 2nd date l liked him more, on our 3rd date l was watching him walk toward me and suddenly a spark ignited in me. If there is nothing at all that grabs your attention on that 2-3 date, let it go.

[fred123]

1 hour ago, SEASON_WINTER said:

Our second dinner was spontaneous, initiated by me to return his thermal flask. While he didn’t attempt to kiss me, he did touch my arm on two occasions.

That was his mistake. A guy should go for the kiss by the second date. If she doesn't kiss back enthusiastically she's not into you. Move on. He will learn

[fred123]

43 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

It happenned to me when l met my ex. After our 1st meeting l had decided if he called  me back l would decline. He did call and l decided to give it a second shot, l had nothing planned.  On our 2nd date l liked him more, on our 3rd date l was watching him walk toward me and suddenly a spark ignited in me. If there is nothing at all that grabs your attention on that 2-3 date, let it go.

Did you ever tell him that you felt that way after the first date?

[Gaeta]

Just now, fred123 said:

Did you ever tell him that you felt that way after the first date?

Never ever. Why would l? 

[Gaeta]

4 minutes ago, fred123 said:

Did you ever tell him that you felt that way after the first date?

I think when we have a partner we should elevate them and not make them feel less with our stories. That's why l never told him that after our 1st date l had no intention of accepting a second date BUT once  l did tell him  about that 3rd date, that when l was looking at him walking toward me in the parking lot and thought he walked very confident and cool like Liam Neeson . He laughed and that made him feel good. Liam Neeson became an inside joke.

[smackie9]

It depends on the person, personality type, and expectations. Some prefer to start out slow with friendship and take it from there. Some go by instant attraction/ love at first sight. And some just know after about 3 dates if they want to pursue. I agree you can't force anyone to have feelings. Go with the flow and see where it does or does not take you.