Advice on affair

[Blissfulignorance1234]

I am single and have been having an affair with a married man for the last year. When we first met it was supposed to be a one off thing and we didn’t sleep together. Over time that changed as we grew closer and closer. 

We talk daily and see each other in person around once a month. We have fallen in love and he is considering leaving his wife (whether we remain together or not). 

He is about to go on a two week holiday with her and we will not be able to speak as often. My question is should I suggest we have no contact at all during this time so he can focus on their relationship and the decision he needs to make or just continue to talk to him as he can? 

[BaileyB]

1 hour ago, Blissfulignorance1234 said:

My question is should I suggest we have no contact at all during this time so he can focus on their relationship and the decision he needs to make or just continue to talk to him as he can? 

You can suggest whatever you like - he will do however he pleases. 

Respecting a relationship boundary doesn’t seem to be a consideration for you - why would you start now just because he’s on vacation with his wife? 

Edited September 29 by BaileyB

[BaileyB]

1 hour ago, Blissfulignorance1234 said:

My question is should I suggest we have no contact at all during this time so he can focus on their relationship and the decision he needs to make

You may be disappointed that he doesn’t spend his time “thinking about the decision he needs to make“ and actually enjoys the vacation with his wife. 

Things like vacations and affair partners tend to make life at home more palatable for many cheating men. 

My suggestion would be, sincerely, for you to spend this time thinking about how long you are going to wait for this man to leave his wife for you. You could also contemplate whether this is really the man that you want as he’s shown you who he really is - dishonest, untrustworthy, unfaithful. If he ever did leave his wife, how would you ever be able to trust him? In other words, take this time to turn your focus from him to you -

[Georgia46]

Whilst he is on that holiday, delete and block his phone number. 
 

go for a run and swim and clear your head.  
 

don’t get yourself further into a mess like like that

 

very rarely will they leave their wife. 

Edited September 29 by Georgia46

[BreakOnThrough]

He'll be having a good time and the thought of you will be a distant thought in his mind.  This sounds like the PERFECT time to lose contact with him completely.

[Leihla_B]

On 9/29/2024 at 6:11 AM, Blissfulignorance1234 said:

My question is should I suggest we have no contact at all during this time so he can focus on their relationship and the decision he needs to make or just continue to talk to him as he can? 

Are you asking the better strategy for getting him to act faster in your favor?

Good luck with that.

I'd suggest we have no contact so I could get my own head on straight and find a better strategy for my own future--or at least a better date than some disloyal married guy.

[stillafool]

If I were seeing a married man and he told me he is considering leaving his wife but then follows with they are going on vacation, I would give him the side eye.  That makes no sense at all, lol.

[BaileyB]

50 minutes ago, stillafool said:

If I were seeing a married man and he told me he is considering leaving his wife but then follows with they are going on vacation, I would give him the side eye.

I would ditch him.

He’s made his choice. He’s chosen to take a vacation with his wife. That to me says he’s more invested in that relationship… 

[MsJayne]

On 9/29/2024 at 8:11 PM, Blissfulignorance1234 said:

should I suggest we have no contact at all during this time so he can focus on their relationship and the decision he needs to make or just continue to talk to him as he can? 

You don't need to suggest anything, he's already focused on his relationship with his wife. You're not the leading lady in this movie, his wife is, you just have a walk-on part, and that means you don't get any say in how the script plays out, unless you step out of the role voluntarily. Ask yourself why you're content with crumbs, why you'd be prepared to only talk to him "when he can". Do yourself a huge favour and start seeing this philandering fool for what he is - a deceitful, manipulator who has no clue what loyalty and respect are. What's to love about such a weak character? Strike a blow for your self-esteem, the day he leaves for his holiday block him on all platforms, and then never speak to him again. That way you're the dumper and not the dumpee, and you might be surprised at the boost this gives your self-esteem.