Inquiring

[Alteezza]

Sorry for venting in advance, however, I am slowly getting sick of the "people have affairs to fill a hole in their relationship", copout. My wife has recently had an affair and the only reason from her to explain this action is "it just happened".

Now I'm not saying that most of the time woman/men/wives/husbands/boyfriends/girlfriends don't go looking for something that is not readily available to them in their everyday life, but if you look up infidelity on the internet or in the library it always points to this "excuse".

Is someone looking at pornography cheating? Some would say, "yes", while others say," no". I really don't get it.

Perhaps it goes back on those initial promises made prior to a marriage or relationship where a couple lays out the mutual marriage floorplans.

I sometimes wonder if some people make decisions because intercourse(dating back evolutionary further than marriage) is stronger than commitment. I don't know, just venting. What do you all think?

I think that saying another strays to fullfill a gap is a way to come to a reasonable answer. Maybe the other person needed to get laid, I don't know.

I think I hit the answer to this slightly with the mutual floorplans/groundrules/promises bit.

I don't know, just venting. What do you all think?

Harrieth

[JadeStar]

People cheat for different reasons. None of which are justifiable. ALot of people will come up with the excuse "I don't know why", Or "It just happened." Most people do know why, wheather they want to admit it to a spouse or even to themselves is another thing. Most people do not just set out to go looking for an affair. There is usally something missing or lacking in the marriage somewhere along the way. Sure their are people who cheat just because they can, not always because their spouse is doing something or not doing something wrong. However, reguardless of the reasons its still a choice. I do agree it seems this day and age that some people simply do not care about commitment in a marriage/relationship. Alot of people look for an easy way out of their troubles, or so they think. They give up to quick and throw in the towel when the going gets tough instead of communicating to their spouse what their needs are etc. Just my 2 cents.

 

 

 

 

Jade

[Bryanp]

I think when a person cheats and tells their spouse "it just happened" it is such a slap in the face to the spouse. Cheating and putting your spouse at risk for STD's do not just happen. They are a conscious choice. Since a person who would make such a remark does not take responsibility for their actions and the implication is that it could just happen again since it is implied that they have no control over their actions. I could not stay with a spouse who would make such an insulting and demeaning comment. Why are you?

[SueBee3490]

I think when a person cheats and tells their spouse "it just happened" it is such a slap in the face to the spouse. Cheating and putting your spouse at risk for STD's do not just happen.

 

Thank you Bryan. It doesn't just happen! When you have sex with someone unprotected and do not tell your wife/husand/bf/gf about it, I think that is the ultimate show of selfishness. I told my bf that if he didn't love me and tell me that he was seeing other women and having unprotected sex, that he could have at least respected me and used protection. Since I was on the pill and monogamous with him, I didn't even think about STD's because I trusted him. What a slap in the face to find out he cared about my health/life so little, that he would knowingly put me at risk.

 

Since a person who would make such a remark does not take responsibility for their actions and the implication is that it could just happen again since it is implied that they have no control over their actions.

 

I have often worried that he would do it again because he "just didn't know why it happened in the first place."

 

To Alteeza - I don't know what gap my bf was trying to fill. He never told me he was unhappy or I didn't fill all his needs. As far as I knew, we were fine. It wasn't as if we hit a "bad time" in our relationship or anything. After going to 4 different counselors, sinking into a depression and being put on medication, and going over this a million times in my head, I think it all goes back to our own unique characters. Some people will cheat and some won't. I am one of those who won't. Whether the ones who do cheat, do so because of upbringing or morals instilled in them at younger ages, or whatever I really don't know. I just know that no matter how "bad" my marriage would get (and my first marriage got pretty bad at one time), the thought of cheating NEVER entered my mind. It's just not in my makeup to do that. I know some will come on here and say that "anyone" has the capability to cheat and will if given the opportunity, I don't agree with that. If my marriage was so intolerable that I couldn't stand it, I would either leave my husband or most likely as I did in my first marriage, just survive day-to-day alone. I never went looking for another man outside my marriage.

 

That's just my opinion.

[MWC_LifeBeginsAt40]

I cheated because my exH was a lousy kisser, lousy in bed, and yeah maybe I didn't properly coach him on what pleased me. He ignored my emotional needs and went online to fulfill his physical appetite. I went online to fulfill my emotional appetite.

 

I was finished trying to talk to him about how I felt because every time he would get defensive and throw something back in my face.

 

I was finished trying to plan a romantic evening out because he would complain about the expense. Even if I tried to plan one at home, he would have 'something better to do'.

 

I was constantly trying to make changes in my life because I wasn't happy with the one I was in. I as big into personal growth and development, and he was happy in his 9-5 job being a dad to our kids.

 

He was a wonderful and devoted father to our children, and still is but he was not the affectionate, loving husband I needed.

 

He may have thought he was...he thinks he did everything for me such as laundry and vaccuuming. Frick sake, hire a cleaning lady and spend Saturday morning having coffee with me and talking, I don't think I asked for much.

 

I was frustrated, lonely, unfulfilled, fell out of love, and wasn't finding any answers at home, so I cheated.

 

Those aren't excuses, that is my reality. Justifiable or not, is that reason enough for you?