I want to see my brother

[Clair]

My brother and I both married recently. My husband doesn't like my brother's wife. Actually, nobody likes her, as she doesn't like anybody either. She is rude with my brother and keeps a distance from us. If they happen to visit, it's only if they need something. Anyway, during this visit she would be standing at the front door and would refuse to enter to sit down. I, on my part, try to be friendly with her, but it just doesn't work, she doesn't care. My brother is totally dependent on her. He tells me he has no time for anything, that includes contacting us by phone or meeting together. Why doesn't he have time? Because his wife is not working, but after my brother comes home from work, she is bored and wants to go shopping, swimming, to the movies. And this is every single day. So after a long working day he is back home at 9 - 10 p.m. He doesn't sleep enough, always tired and stressed out.

Well, the problem is this. I never get to see him. I would like to come and visit him at his house. But my husband doesn't want to go, because he doesn't want to see his wife. I am not particularly excited to see her either, but I still want to visit. I don't want to go there alone, it's just not the same without my husband. I don't know what to do. Am I supposed to ignore my brother from now on? I think it's not fair, but I don't know how to fix this situation.

[bluechocolate]

Your brother has got himself involved in a very toxic relationship and he's the only one who can do something about it.

 

I don't want to go there alone, it's just not the same without my husband.

 

He was your brother before you had a husband so why do you need your husband to go along with you? Yes, his presence for moral support would be nice, but it's not necessary. Your brother is the person who should be offering the support here, it's his home too. Has he invited you two over?

 

Anyway, during this visit she would be standing at the front door and would refuse to enter to sit down.

 

Frankly, if someone behaved that way at my home I wouldn't want to enter theirs either.

[Clair]

My brother told me to come see his new place some time ago, I think he didn't say that to my husband. I think he thought, that I would say that to him. But I think my husband would feel better if he would be invited personally. I told that to them. His wife replied:"Does that mean we need to bow to his feet?" She looked very agressive, when she was saying that. I said:"No, just invite him to come over". But they still didn't say anything to him. I think it's because she doesn't care, and he is only fulfilling her wishes. So I thought, may be I should take an initiative, and call my brother and arrange a visit. I already got my husband to agree to go. But then I thought, who really needs that, only me?

The other thing is, that my brother has a daughter of 6 years old. My husband initially loved the girl, bought her presents, played with her. But later something happened and the girl started behaving very rudely towards my husband, ignoring him when he asked her something, just turning her head away from him, as if she didn't want to hear what he said, or sometimes just said:"I don't want to talk to him, I don't like him". My brother and his wife tell us, that she is only a small child, and that we shouldn't pay attention, that they allow her to do and say whatever she wants. But I wonder, don't they have to teach her to respect people, especially her family members? It looks like she is a small copy of his wife, just as hostile, she just hasn't learnt to hide it yet.

I guess, what I am trying to figure out is - is it worth the effort to take any actions? Because I don't believe anything is going to change, I mean his and her attitude to us.