Loneliness

[Gaeta]

@DanielKla1984: Good luck in your search. If I were you I would join a hard conservative group where you all share the same hate and same prejudice.

[DanielKla1984]

2 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

@DanielKla1984: Good luck in your search. If I were you I would join a hard conservative group where you all share the same hate and same prejudice.

Thank you very much for the feedback. I was only trying to get other viewpoints. I much appreciate your opinions. Thank you and good life. 

[DanielKla1984]

27 minutes ago, mark clemson said:

There are all sorts of women with all sorts of preferences. However, generally you want to have the odds in your favor. If you are not something close to what women tend to find attractive, most will simply ignore you. That is what gets you to 40 and never had a partner.

Women tend to be attracted to a handsome, confident, socially-skilled go-getter who also has an emotionally interesting "sensitive" side (or at least is those first 4 things I mentioned and also very interested in them). They generally will be a lot less interested in a man who isn't at least one of those things, and preferably most of them.

They will tend to NOT be interested in a man who bemoans his problems and issues, particularly I think romantic and financial ones, and has not made much out of himself. They tend to want a partner who they can be proud of and who will make their lives easier. They are willing to put work into someone/a relationship, but only if they see potential and/or something to find attractive there to begin with.

The good news is that, at 40, you still have a decent shelf-life in the romantic world, so all is NOT lost.

From what you seem to present, if you want to improve your changes land a woman, you're going to have to make substantive changes in how you come across. While it's easier said than done, do what you can to:

- make yourself more handsome - this included haircut and facial grooming, physical fitness, and wearing nice clothes

- come across as confident and energetic - this will include both what you say and how you say it, also your posture/mannerisms/body language

- develop a a PLAN of SOME kind for improving your financial situation. There are only so many men to choose from. If much of your country is in an economic wreck, a person with at least a plan to become financially independent is one step up from someone who is static and simply complains about their "fate". IF you can make whatever your plan is work - even better

You will know you are doing the handsome and come-across-as-confident parts right, when women in your environment start to show some initial indications of interest. This includes things like smiling at you, having unnecessary but friendly conversations, mild flirting, and/or being willing to do you small favors. Women tend to develop an initial "connection" by these things, particularly the conversation part.

DO NOT jump into romantic or particularly sexual overtures too quickly or appear TOO interested. You can keep things "casual" but if a woman shows sustained mild interest she is a bit like a fish nibbling at bait and it's ok to ask her on a date. If she says no, don't worry about it - some women "flirt socially" with attractive men, but without a serious intent of it becoming romantic. Also, once you are attractive enough, more will be along sooner or later...

A date and/or more sustained conversations is where it's ok to mention your ACTIVE plan to improve your financial situation, how your the kind of guy who wants one "right" woman to be committed to in your life and other things that will accentuate what is attractive about you. Do NOT bash women generally or indicate misogynistic views of the kinds spouted on some social media in longer conversation - they are wrong headed to begin with and will also keep you single forever if you start to espouse them.

I would note that your chances of finding a virgin partner (if that's what you are looking for) are likely not very good once you are dealing with adults, so if that's what you're hoping for it may not be realistic.

GL

I am pretty handsome actually. I am not ugly. 

[DanielKla1984]

36 minutes ago, mark clemson said:

make yourself more handsome - this included haircut and facial grooming, physical fitness, and wearing nice clothes

I am pretty handsome actually. And I take care of myself. I don't smoke, don't drink, don't do drugs, eat healthy food and have an appropriate weight.  

[basil67]

2 hours ago, DanielKla1984 said:

The idea of having to sleep with another woman is disgusting for me. 

What about being in relationships?  It's highly unlikely that you'll marry the woman you have a first relationship with.

 

3 hours ago, DanielKla1984 said:

I don't want to be someone else and live like someone else. 

Problem is, if you're going to find a partner you will need to change.  The most obvious thing being that very few women are going to date a 40yo guy who still lives with his mother, so the first thing you need to do is find a way to start living independently.  Do you earn enough to pay rent on an apartment and furnish it?

[DanielKla1984]

5 minutes ago, basil67 said:

What about being in relationships?  It's highly unlikely that you'll marry the woman you have a first relationship with.

 

Problem is, if you're going to find a partner you will need to change.  The most obvious thing being that very few women are going to date a 40yo guy who still lives with his mother, so the first thing you need to do is find a way to start living independently.  Do you earn enough to pay rent on an apartment and furnish it?

I live in my own house. I don't have to pay rent. 

[DanielKla1984]

19 hours ago, DanielKla1984 said:

There is no job, no money, no opportunities for anyone. How will I be able to settle down with a woman without a job or money

I forgot to mention that I live in my own house. I don't have to pay rent. We live in the same house with my mother. 

[DanielKla1984]

9 minutes ago, basil67 said:

What about being in relationships?  It's highly unlikely that you'll marry the woman you have a first relationship with.

I am still virgin and I don't want to sleep with other women than my wife. 

[basil67]

2 minutes ago, DanielKla1984 said:

I am still virgin and I don't want to sleep with other women than my wife. 

So you're abstaining until marriage?   I guess you'll have to start your search within those who are looking for the same thing

[Gebidozo]

OP, you entitle your thread “Loneliness”, you say you have multiple problems and fears, you clearly don’t sound happy.

Then people try to help you by telling you that perhaps you could broaden your views, make some corrections to them, be more flexible and more realistic.

You insist that you aren’t going to change anything, this is what you are and who you are.

I also don’t know how to help you, then. For what it’s worth, I think it’s your views that are making you lonely and fearful. You’ve decided to ignore the real world and live in an ivory tower of your ideals. You’re afraid of getting to know real women, with their real desires and passions. You ignore the circumstances of life and prefer to adapt life to yourself instead of adapting yourself to life.

At the very least, try to interact with people who could help you see the world for what it is. Get to know real women. Go on dates, have conversations, and listen to what they tell you without judging them and without trying to impose your views on them.

 

[DanielKla1984]

7 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

13 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

At the very least, try to interact with people who could help you see the world for what it is. Get to know real women. Go on dates, have conversations, and listen to what they tell you without judging them and without trying to impose your views on them.

 

 I know and talk with real women almost every day but they are not young potential partners. They are female neighbors, generally older women with whom I discuss common issues regarding the neighborhood in which we live, so I do have contact with women. 

[DanielKla1984]

24 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

Go on dates, have conversations, 

I find it extremely difficult to get a date. I am trying with dating apps. 

[DanielKla1984]

50 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

without trying to impose your views on them.

I am not trying to impose my vision on any woman. I just want to find a woman with the same vision and the same plan. 

[Gebidozo]

39 minutes ago, DanielKla1984 said:

I know and talk with real women almost every day but they are not young potential partners.

What do you mean by “young”? You’re 40. You aren’t hoping to be together with an 18-year old virgin, are you?

 

[DanielKla1984]

2 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

What do you mean by “young”? You’re 40. You aren’t hoping to be together with an 18-year old virgin, are you?

 

No. I didn't mean that. When I say "young" it means women from maybe 27 to 40. 

[Gebidozo]

10 minutes ago, DanielKla1984 said:

I am not trying to impose my vision on any woman. I just want to find a woman with the same vision and the same plan. 

As you know yourself from your own life experience, your chances of finding a woman with the same vision and the same plan are slim.  

Perhaps you could make some corrections to your vision and your plans.

[DanielKla1984]

4 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

What do you mean by “young”? You’re 40. You aren’t hoping to be together with an 18-year old virgin, are you?

 

I talk with old women like 60 or 75 who are my neighbors when there is something to fix or solve. 

[Gebidozo]

1 minute ago, DanielKla1984 said:

No. I didn't mean that. When I say "young" it means women from maybe 27 to 40. 

Your chances of finding a 27-year old virgin are very, very low.

If you do find one, she might not like you or she might be more interested in an experienced man.

And then you might find out that the reasons for her late virginity aren’t spiritual, but merely the result of rather unflattering circumstances.

You’d do a great favor to yourself if your broaden your horizons and your dating pool.

[DanielKla1984]

3 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

Your chances of finding a 27-year old virgin are very, very low.

If you do find one, she might not like you or she might be more interested in an experienced man.

And then you might find out that the reasons for her late virginity aren’t spiritual, but merely the result of rather unflattering circumstances.

You’d do a great favor to yourself if your broaden your horizons and your dating pool.

I am willing to accept a girl who is not virgin so long as she commits to be my life partner. 

[basil67]

1 hour ago, DanielKla1984 said:

I am willing to accept a girl who is not virgin so long as she commits to be my life partner. 

You're talking all about what you want, but what about you would attract a woman to be your life partner?

[DanielKla1984]

2 minutes ago, basil67 said:

You're talking all about what you want, but what about you would attract a woman to be your life partner?

I am a cultivated, polite and respectful man. I can offer unlimited love and commitment. 

[basil67]

43 minutes ago, DanielKla1984 said:

I am a cultivated, polite and respectful man. I can offer unlimited love and commitment. 

I guess it's a start...

Are you employed?  Are you able to live independently?  Are your psychological issues well managed?  What do you enjoy doing with your free time?   Can you cook?  Can you drive a car?  Are you open minded about a potential girlfriend enjoying an alcoholic drink or two when she's out with friends?   On that note, do you have friends?

[DanielKla1984]

8 minutes ago, basil67 said:

I guess it's a start...

Are you employed?  Are you able to live independently?  Are your psychological issues well managed?  What do you enjoy doing with your free time?   Can you cook?  Can you drive a car?  Are you open minded about a potential girlfriend enjoying an alcoholic drink or two when she's out with friends?   On that note, do you have friends?

I am currently unemployed because my country is in a huge economic crisis. I live in my own house. My psychological issues are controlled. I like to read, listen to music and watch movies. I can cook a few things. I don't drive a car because I never liked cars. A couple of drinks are not a big deal. I have only one friend. 

[semble]

26 minutes ago, DanielKla1984 said:

 I don't drive a car because I never liked cars. 

That's a rather odd statement. That's like saying you don't brush you teeth because you don't like toothbrushes.

The unemployment sounds like an excuse. Is no one working in your country?

[DanielKla1984]

3 minutes ago, semble said:

That's a rather odd statement. That's like saying you don't brush you teeth because you don't like toothbrushes.

The unemployment sounds like an excuse. Is no one working in your country?

I don't really like cars. Never interested in having one. And Yes, the situation in my country is really bad. Every day less and less people have a proper job. Many people have 3 jobs to eat and pay rent. More and more people in informal jobs.