Loneliness

[DanielKla1984]

43 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

I understand, but you named this thread “Loneliness” and it seems that you are quite unhappy with your current predicament.

Instead of stubbornly and rigidly following a principle that has already made you miserable, why not try to be a little bit more flexible and broad-minded to make yourself happier?

Nobody is forcing you to sleep with 20 women per year and change partners the moment anything goes wrong. Just try to enter a relationship with an open mind. Accept the possibility of failure and see things realistically. The reality is that marrying a person without knowing them sexually is a huge risk. 

Don't think I am not worried about this. I am not jumping merrily to the waters of love. I want to know. I think it is always better to know. 

[SurfCity]

1 hour ago, DanielKla1984 said:

I have my own house so no problem with that. 

There are no property taxes where you live?

Even if there aren't, maintenace and repairs are expensive. You're counting on the government giving you free money to make repairs to your house, feed and clothe you and the children that you plan to have, and pay for everything else that you'll ever need FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. That's insanity. And you expect some young woman to want to join you in this by marrying you...it literally makes no sense. 

You should watch the movie Grey Gardens because you're halfway there already. 

[DanielKla1984]

2 minutes ago, SurfCity said:

There are no property taxes where you live?

Even if there aren't, maintenace and repairs are expensive. You're counting on the government giving you free money to make repairs to your house, feed and clothe you and the children that you plan to have, and pay for everything else that you'll ever need FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. That's insanity. And you expect some young woman to want to join you in this by marrying you...it literally makes no sense. 

You should watch the movie Grey Gardens because you're halfway there already. 

Yes. There are taxes but they are not insanely high because my house is not big and it doesn't have a high value for the government. And not, disability incomes are not enough to pay for food and clothes. 

[Gaeta]

16 minutes ago, DanielKla1984 said:

disability incomes are not enough to pay for food and clothes. 

How will you support a wife and children?

[semble]

6 hours ago, DanielKla1984 said:

I'll put a profile picture.

Elvis!

[DanielKla1984]

2 minutes ago, semble said:

Elvis!

Did you see it? I am not joking. I am not a Greek god but I am not ugly either. 

[basil67]

33 minutes ago, DanielKla1984 said:

Did you see it? I am not joking. I am not a Greek god but I am not ugly either. 

Kindly, your appearance isn't really that relevant.  Who you are and what you have to offer is far more important.  I feel you're putting too much significance in what you look like

[DanielKla1984]

5 hours ago, Gaeta said:

I don't know where this obsession with virginity comes from but at 17 it's cute....at 40, from a man that says he's not religious, it's highly disturbing.

Nobody tells you to have multiple partners. We're telling you you have unrealistic expectations, zero experience at relationships, zero experience in the intimicy department, it's not far fetched to think your first time around may not work but usually on our second time we make better choices.

And then it's the problem with blended families. I hate blended families and I reject that kind of life. 

[DanielKla1984]

3 hours ago, basil67 said:

Kindly, your appearance isn't really that relevant.  Who you are and what you have to offer is far more important.  I feel you're putting too much significance in what you look like

I think someone asked about how I looked like. 

[DanielKla1984]

6 hours ago, Gaeta said:

Because sex is a very important part of marriage. It is so important that if sex is not satisfying, with time, your feelings will die. 

Couples that have sex problems are miserable.

There is a man that posted his story here a couple of times. He married a lady and turns out she doesn't like sex. She says no to him most times and now he's miserable. We told him about the importance of sex compability before he got married, he thought everything can be fixed, well no! Not everything can be fixed.

It seems pretty odd. If you didn't like sex you should have talked about that clearly before marriage. Evidently she had previous problems that weren't talked. It seems more like a communication failure. Explain clearly what you want and what you don't want before marriage. If you don't like sex for whatever reason it is better to say it before.  

Edited October 4 by DanielKla1984
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[SurfCity]

5 hours ago, Gaeta said:

How will you support a wife and children?

Why do you keep avoiding this question? If you want a wife and kids you need to have money so that you can provide for them. What is your plan to earn money ? 

[Gebidozo]

1 hour ago, DanielKla1984 said:

It seems pretty odd. If you didn't like sex you should have talked about that clearly before marriage. Evidently she had previous problems that weren't talked. It seems more like a communication failure. Explain clearly what you want and what you don't want before marriage. If you don't like sex for whatever reason it is better to say it before.  

But if you’re a virgin, how can you even know what you want and what you don’t want? A virgin simply has no way of knowing that, because they haven’t tried anything and can’t compare. They can only guess and assume, and those assumptions are very likely to be wrong.

I’m very far from being a virgin, I had a number of sexual partners that would probably seem very high to you, but I only began to understand very recently what I truly want in sex. I had to go through multiple relationships to get to know myself and learn the truth about my sexuality.

So it’s not just a failure of communication in that particular case, it’s a general high risk of failure when you marry as a virgin. I’m not saying that it’s impossible to be a virgin and hit the jackpot on your first try. But, like lottery wins, those cases are rare. And, unlike a lottery ticket, the investment is much too big for that kind of risk.

Edited October 4 by Gebidozo

[DanielKla1984]

1 hour ago, Gebidozo said:

But if you’re a virgin, how can you even know what you want and what you don’t want? A virgin simply has no way of knowing that, because they haven’t tried anything and can’t compare. They can only guess and assume, and those assumptions are very likely to be wrong.

I’m very far from being a virgin, I had a number of sexual partners that would probably seem very high to you, but I only began to understand very recently what I truly want in sex. I had to go through multiple relationships to get to know myself and learn the truth about my sexuality.

So it’s not just a failure of communication in that particular case, it’s a general high risk of failure when you marry as a virgin. I’m not saying that it’s impossible to be a virgin and hit the jackpot on your first try. But, like lottery wins, those cases are rare. And, unlike a lottery ticket, the investment is much too big for that kind of risk.

But isn't it possible to discover what works and what doesn't together? Will it be always divergent paths?

[semble]

9 minutes ago, DanielKla1984 said:

But isn't it possible to discover what works and what doesn't together? Will it be always divergent paths?

Unfortunately most people experience disagreements from time to time, at the very least.

In some cases there's constant bickering and arguing. It tends to be better when both parties in a relationship have a similar perspective and are on the same mage much or most of the time.

Let's take your situation, and hypothetically work through what could happen. You meet a viable candidate and you get into a relationship. Sooner or later she's gonna realize you've got serious mental issues, do not work and are convinced you can't get a job due to your country's economy,  you have no money , you receive taxpayer funded handouts, and you hate cars and blended families. You're not even all that interested in spending what appears to be a lot of down time helping  to cook or clean up a house that you live in for free thanks to your 80 year old mother with whom you live. You only want to date a woman your age or up to 13 years younger.

Even if you could possibly thread the needle and find a woman who meets your stringent requirements and is interested in dating you, there are some really bad behaviors and habits that will piss off any woman with the slightest modicum of self respect, and certainly you wouldn't consider dating a woman who didn't have any.

The seeds of conflict are set.

[DanielKla1984]

10 minutes ago, semble said:

Unfortunately most people experience disagreements from time to time, at the very least.

In some cases there's constant bickering and arguing. It tends to be better when both parties in a relationship have a similar perspective and are on the same mage much or most of the time.

Let's take your situation, and hypothetically work through what could happen. You meet a viable candidate and you get into a relationship. Sooner or later she's gonna realize you've got serious mental issues, do not work and are convinced you can't get a job due to your country's economy,  you have no money , you receive taxpayer funded handouts, and you hate cars and blended families. You're not even all that interested in spending what appears to be a lot of down time helping  to cook or clean up a house that you live in for free thanks to your 80 year old mother with whom you live. You only want to date a woman your age or up to 13 years younger.

Even if you could possibly thread the needle and find a woman who meets your stringent requirements and is interested in dating you, there are some really bad behaviors and habits that will piss off any woman with the slightest modicum of self respect, and certainly you wouldn't consider dating a woman who didn't have any.

The seeds of conflict are set.

I live it for free because it is my house. My father bought it in 1985 and I inherited it. 

[DanielKla1984]

17 minutes ago, semble said:

Unfortunately most people experience disagreements from time to time, at the very least.

In some cases there's constant bickering and arguing. It tends to be better when both parties in a relationship have a similar perspective and are on the same mage much or most of the time.

Let's take your situation, and hypothetically work through what could happen. You meet a viable candidate and you get into a relationship. Sooner or later she's gonna realize you've got serious mental issues, do not work and are convinced you can't get a job due to your country's economy,  you have no money , you receive taxpayer funded handouts, and you hate cars and blended families. You're not even all that interested in spending what appears to be a lot of down time helping  to cook or clean up a house that you live in for free thanks to your 80 year old mother with whom you live. You only want to date a woman your age or up to 13 years younger.

Even if you could possibly thread the needle and find a woman who meets your stringent requirements and is interested in dating you, there are some really bad behaviors and habits that will piss off any woman with the slightest modicum of self respect, and certainly you wouldn't consider dating a woman who didn't have any.

The seeds of conflict are set.

I only want a commitment for life. Just that. 

[Gebidozo]

37 minutes ago, DanielKla1984 said:

But isn't it possible to discover what works and what doesn't together? Will it be always divergent paths?

It’s possible. Winning the lottery is also possible. But even if your chances of finding perfect compatibility with your very first sexual partner were at 50% (in reality, they are much, much lower), why risk it?

Why wait till you’re married to discover that your partner can’t stand the smell of your nether regions? Or that the shape of her breasts or nipples turns you off? Or that she can’t have an orgasm with you no matter what you do? Or that you like it gentle while she likes it rough, and neither of you is satisfied when you meet in the middle?

 

[Gebidozo]

3 minutes ago, DanielKla1984 said:

I only want a commitment for life. Just that. 

My friend, I don’t think you’re reading properly what people are trying to tell you here. We understand that you want a commitment for life. What we’re saying is

1) It’s going to be very hard for you to find a woman who’d also want to have a commitment for life with you, unless you change some of your views, habits, and lifestyle;

2) Even if you do find such a woman, your insistence on not testing your sexual compatibility with her might prove too costly and potentially ruin your marriage.

[Gaeta]

14 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

and neither of you is satisfied when you meet in the middle?

Longer people wait for sex more it becomes a huge issue for them. They often develop all types of sexual hang ups. There are probably a series of acts that OP would not be open to perform in the bedroom. OP has used words like 'disgusting' to describe sex. He will say he meant disgusting outside of marriage but it's still having a disgusting view of intimicy shared between 2 people, even when the 2 people love each other. 

[DanielKla1984]

39 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

It’s possible. Winning the lottery is also possible. But even if your chances of finding perfect compatibility with your very first sexual partner were at 50% (in reality, they are much, much lower), why risk it?

Why wait till you’re married to discover that your partner can’t stand the smell of your nether regions? Or that the shape of her breasts or nipples turns you off? Or that she can’t have an orgasm with you no matter what you do? Or that you like it gentle while she likes it rough, and neither of you is satisfied when you meet in the middle?

 

Smell? Breasts shape? These seem to be rather insignificant reasons to not be compatible with a woman. And orgasm and intensity of the sexual act I agree that are really important, but there are psychologists and sexual therapists who can help with that. I am not closed to ask for professional help.   

Edited October 4 by DanielKla1984
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[DanielKla1984]

39 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Longer people wait for sex more it becomes a huge issue for them. They often develop all types of sexual hang ups. There are probably a series of acts that OP would not be open to perform in the bedroom. OP has used words like 'disgusting' to describe sex. He will say he meant disgusting outside of marriage but it's still having a disgusting view of intimicy shared between 2 people, even when the 2 people love each other. 

I am saying that the idea of having multiple partners is disgusting FOR ME but I am not judging anybody's decisions. If they want then do it. And yes, I am open to experiment everything but only with my wife and if she wants. 

Edited October 4 by DanielKla1984
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[Gaeta]

1 hour ago, DanielKla1984 said:

Smell?

Our olfactory sense is part of our choice of mates. 

Women choose a partner based on scent, and why? They based this on the scientific study on one type of gene choice in mating. Turns out women choose men based on their scent that had the opposite gene. Which would mean a better genetic match for procreating continued healthy offspring. 

We all have a personal odor. I am not talking bad odors here, I am talking our natural odor. Example the natural odor of a baby creates chemical bonding hormones in the mothers brain. In adult our personal odor helps us find a compatible partner. We can have a very clean partner but their natural order pushes us away and we cannot bond intimately with them. 

[Gebidozo]

1 hour ago, DanielKla1984 said:

Smell? Breasts shape? These seem to be rather insignificant reasons to not be compatible with a woman.

You see… You have no idea about how sex works and what sexual compatibility is.

Why don’t you listen to our advice and at least give it a try? See what happens the first several times you have sex and then decide?

[DanielKla1984]

4 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Our olfactory sense is part of our choice of mates. 

Women choose a partner based on scent, and why? They based this on the scientific study on one type of gene choice in mating. Turns out women choose men based on their scent that had the opposite gene. Which would mean a better genetic match for procreating continued healthy offspring. 

We all have a personal odor. I am not talking bad odors here, I am talking our natural odor. Example the natural odor of a baby creates chemical bonding hormones in the mothers brain. In adult our personal odor helps us find a compatible partner. We can have a very clean partner but their natural order pushes us away and we cannot bond intimately with them. 

That is a biological explanation but I disagree. We are far more than our genes. 

[Alpacalia]

I know two men that are around your age and neither have been married or had a serious relationship. So you're definiteley not alone. Maybe if you don't have that much experience with women so far, you could instead make friends? Because having a social circle and friends will give you other opportunities. In fact many relationships do start out as friendships. And there's no guarantee that you will succeed with a woman on the first try, and that goes for both men and women... 

Are there any educational programmes available where you live? You can gain confidence and improve social skills that way.