Loneliness

[DanielKla1984]

2 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

I know two men that are around your age and neither have been married or had a serious relationship. So you're definiteley not alone. Maybe if you don't have that much experience with women so far, you could instead make friends? Because having a social circle and friends will give you other opportunities. In fact many relationships do start out as friendships. And there's no guarantee that you will succeed with a woman on the first try, and that goes for both men and women... 

Are there any educational programmes available where you live? You can gain confidence and improve social skills that way

Yes. I am up for make friends. I think I could try that way. 

[SurfCity]

1 hour ago, DanielKla1984 said:

Yes. I am up for make friends. I think I could try that way. 

So why don't you? What are you waiting for? Go to a coffee shop today and say hello to at least 3 people there and try to start a conversation with one of them. Report back to this thread on how it went and we'll give you advice.

[DanielKla1984]

8 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

You see… You have no idea about how sex works and what sexual compatibility is.

Why don’t you listen to our advice and at least give it a try? See what happens the first several times you have sex and then decide?

I apologize for not answering. I was out doing some formalities and when I got back I was tired and I interrupted the thread. Although we disagree on many viewpoints, I want to thank you for showing me things that I must aware of. I'm sure you told me these things with your best intention. I hope you don't get angry with me. Have a great life and thanks for your time and attention. 

Edited October 4 by DanielKla1984
Grammar mistake

[DanielKla1984]

5 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

I know two men that are around your age and neither have been married or had a serious relationship. So you're definiteley not alone. Maybe if you don't have that much experience with women so far, you could instead make friends? Because having a social circle and friends will give you other opportunities. In fact many relationships do start out as friendships. And there's no guarantee that you will succeed with a woman on the first try, and that goes for both men and women... 

Are there any educational programmes available where you live? You can gain confidence and improve social skills that way.

I haven't even kissed a woman. 

[DanielKla1984]

8 hours ago, Gaeta said:

Our olfactory sense is part of our choice of mates. 

Women choose a partner based on scent, and why? They based this on the scientific study on one type of gene choice in mating. Turns out women choose men based on their scent that had the opposite gene. Which would mean a better genetic match for procreating continued healthy offspring. 

We all have a personal odor. I am not talking bad odors here, I am talking our natural odor. Example the natural odor of a baby creates chemical bonding hormones in the mothers brain. In adult our personal odor helps us find a compatible partner. We can have a very clean partner but their natural order pushes us away and we cannot bond intimately with them. 

I apologize if this discussion got out of hand. It was not my intention. Although we disagree on many viewpoints, I want to thank you for showing me things that I must aware of. I am sure you did it with your best intention. I hope you don't get angry with me. Thanks for your time and attention. Have a wonderful life. 

Edited October 4 by DanielKla1984
Add new things

[Gebidozo]

2 hours ago, DanielKla1984 said:

I apologize for not answering. I was out doing some formalities and when I got back I was tired and I interrupted the thread. Although we disagree on many viewpoints, I want to thank you for showing me things that I must aware of. I'm sure you told me these things with your best intention. I hope you don't get angry with me. Have a great life and thanks for your time and attention. 

Of course I’m not angry, why would I be? I’m just honestly trying to help you, and I’m sorry if it’s not working out.

My main point is that you’re trying to squeeze reality into your concept. You’ll be happier if you try the opposite, squeezing your concept into reality.

In your case, that would mean looking at things more broadly and perhaps trying things that you wouldn’t try before, so that you get to know real world and real people better.

[Gaeta]

1 hour ago, DanielKla1984 said:

 I hope you don't get angry with me

Of course not !  I'm sorry if l came across as angry. It's sad to hear people say they're lonely, l was hoping to make you understand sometimes we just need to think outside the box.

[Alpacalia]

2 hours ago, DanielKla1984 said:

I haven't even kissed a woman. 

Well. I can't imagine what's that like so I am sure it must be frustrating.

[basil67]

6 hours ago, SurfCity said:

So why don't you? What are you waiting for? Go to a coffee shop today and say hello to at least 3 people there and try to start a conversation with one of them. 

Respectfully, I'd be cautious of doing this because (where I live) coffee shops aren't places where people are expecting to be social.  I wouldn't particularly welcome a random stranger trying to make conversation with me while I'm sitting there with a book and coffee.   Although I will concede that it's possible that I'm an outlier.

My advice would be to go where people are expecting to meet others and chat.  Pubs are probably out of the question for you, but you could try MeetUp.com.  It's somewhere that you can find events and people who get together and to share interest based topics.   My only advice there is just work on getting to know others and expanding your life and friendships.  Don't be the guy who asks out a number of women from the same group or you'll get a bad reputation.

 

[DanielKla1984]

9 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Well. I can't imagine what's that like so I am sure it must be frustrating.

Today when I was walking in the street I saw a couple of teenagers kissing each other. I had to turn round my face. I felt a mix of cold anger and sadness. 

[DanielKla1984]

5 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Respectfully, I'd be cautious of doing this because (where I live) coffee shops aren't places where people are expecting to be social.  I wouldn't particularly welcome a random stranger trying to make conversation with me while I'm sitting there with a book and coffee.   Although I will concede that it's possible that I'm an outlier.

My advice would be to go where people are expecting to meet others and chat.  Pubs are probably out of the question for you, but you could try MeetUp.com.  It's somewhere that you can find events and people who get together and to share interest based topics.   My only advice there is just work on getting to know others and expanding your life and friendships.  Don't be the guy who asks out a number of women from the same group or you'll get a bad reputation.

 

Yes. These days I was checking some Meetups events near me. Here spring has begun, so weather is warm enough to spend many hours outdoors. 

[Alpacalia]

1 minute ago, DanielKla1984 said:

Yes. These days I was checking some Meetups events near me. Here spring has begun, so weather is warm enough to spend many hours outdoors. 

I do meetups for fun! Not to meet a potential romantic interest but just to meet new people. I have so much fun with my group. Def join!

[DanielKla1984]

49 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Of course not !  I'm sorry if l came across as angry. It's sad to hear people say they're lonely, l was hoping to make you understand sometimes we just need to think outside the box.

Yes. I feel sad and lonely but I will try to find inner strength. I will come here just to say hello and chat a bit if some of you are available. Y'all seem to be kind and friendly. 

[S2B]

On 10/3/2024 at 6:37 PM, DanielKla1984 said:

And what is the solution? Try and test till you find the person you are most compatible with? And what will you do if you are not compatible? End the relationship?

Yes, you end relationships if it isn’t working out.

it happens all the time. It’s part and parcel of finding someone really compatible.

[DanielKla1984]

6 minutes ago, S2B said:

Yes, you end relationships if it isn’t working out.

it happens all the time. It’s part and parcel of finding someone really compatible.

The main issue is that I don't want to have sexual intercourse until a life commitment. To me intimacy is an irreversible point. And it would be hard to find a woman who agrees on that. Most women don't want to wait. 

Edited October 5 by DanielKla1984
Grammar mistake

[Gaeta]

6 minutes ago, DanielKla1984 said:

The main issue is that I don't want to have sexual intercourse until a life commitment. To me intimacy is an irreversible point. And it would be hard to find a woman who agrees on that. Most women don't want to wait. 

Why don't you just start with being more social, making friends, do outings. Maybe you'll meet someone or maybe one of your new friends will know a lady to introduce to you. Don't think about sex yet. This is about making first contact, getting you comfortable being out and about. Get in that book club! Even if there is no one interesting for you in your group you will still benefit a great deal from socializing and creating a new network of people. 

Edited October 5 by Gaeta

[DanielKla1984]

3 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Why don't you just start with being more social, making friends, do outings. Maybe you'll meet someone or maybe one of your new friends will know a lady to introduce to you. Don't think about sex yet. This is about making first contact, getting you comfortable being out and about. Get in that book club! Even if there is no one interesting for you in your group you will still benefit a great deal from socializing. 

You are right. Maybe making new friends is the way. And doing things I am interested in. 

[SurfCity]

4 hours ago, DanielKla1984 said:

I felt a mix of cold anger and sadness. 

Why do you feel anger and who are you angry at? God? Your parents? Yourself? 

4 hours ago, basil67 said:

Respectfully, I'd be cautious of doing this because (where I live) coffee shops aren't places where people are expecting to be social.  I wouldn't particularly welcome a random stranger trying to make conversation with me while I'm sitting there with a book and coffee.   Although I will concede that it's possible that I'm an outlier.

I think that it's fine to speak to people while you're waiting in line or if you hold the door for someone to also say hello. I don't think that he has the personality type to go up to someone seated at a table and start a conversation.

 

[basil67]

11 minutes ago, SurfCity said:

I think that it's fine to speak to people while you're waiting in line or if you hold the door for someone to also say hello.

For sure!

11 minutes ago, SurfCity said:

I don't think that he has the personality type to go up to someone seated at a table and start a conversation.

I hope nobody has that personality type LOL

[Gebidozo]

4 hours ago, DanielKla1984 said:

Today when I was walking in the street I saw a couple of teenagers kissing each other. I had to turn round my face. I felt a mix of cold anger and sadness. 

Anger? Really? But who are you angry with? You are physically capable of kissing a woman, aren’t you? You aren’t stuck on an uninhabited island. You aren’t horribly deformed or anything like that. Nothing prevents you from kissing a woman except your own prejudices. There is no one to be mad at but yourself.

[SurfCity]

1 hour ago, basil67 said:

I hope nobody has that personality type LOL

LMAO! I think it's more common to do in the US.

[DanielKla1984]

5 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

Anger? Really? But who are you angry with? You are physically capable of kissing a woman, aren’t you? You aren’t stuck on an uninhabited island. You aren’t horribly deformed or anything like that. Nothing prevents you from kissing a woman except your own prejudices. There is no one to be mad at but yourself.

I didn't get mad at them. As You said I got mad at myself. 

[Gebidozo]

31 minutes ago, DanielKla1984 said:

I didn't get mad at them. As You said I got mad at myself. 

Then maybe you might want to reconsider your rigid views that lead to such frustration, anger, and dissatisfaction with yourself?

[basil67]

6 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

Nothing prevents you from kissing a woman except your own prejudices. There is no one to be mad at but yourself 

The thing which prevents men from kissing women is a thing called “consent”.  A man cannot just go kiss a woman without first having the social skills  to make a connection of the type which would lead to that consent. 

And I think it’s clear the OPs frustration and anger is at himself because of his neurodiversity and how it affects his social skills and interpretation of dating and connection.  I certainly don’t share his views, but it sounds like he’s lived a relatively sheltered life due to needing to live with his mother and learning her rigid Protestant values
 

 

Edited October 5 by basil67

[Gebidozo]

1 minute ago, basil67 said:

Oi, stop being an arsehole.
 

The thing which prevents men from kissing women is a thing called “consent”.  A man cannot just go kiss a woman without first having the social skills  to make a connection of the type which would lead to that consent. 

And I think it’s clear the OPs frustration and anger is at himself because of his neurodiversity and how it affects his social skills and interpretation of dating and connection.  I certainly don’t share his views, but it sounds like he’s lived a relatively sheltered life due to needing to live with his mother and learning her rigid Protestant values
 

 

Obviously I wasn’t suggesting to the OP to kiss a woman without her consent.

I can’t fathom why you’d even think that I meant that.

It just baffles me why the OP would get angry when seeing teenagers kiss. It’s not that all the women in this world have firmly decided to never let the OP kiss any of them. Nothing prevents the OP from getting to know a woman that would like him and gladly kiss him except his own fear of doing it with someone who won’t be his wife.

If the OP were at peace with his rigid Protestant views, there would be nothing for us to say, but then he wouldn’t have started this thread. He is obviously unhappy about never having kissed a woman, and I don’t see any other solution but meet a woman who likes him and whom he likes, and kiss her when the moment is right.