Loneliness

[basil67]

14 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

Obviously I wasn’t suggesting to the OP to kiss a woman without her consent.

I can’t fathom why you’d even think that I meant that.

It just baffles me why the OP would get angry when seeing teenagers kiss. It’s not that all the women in this world have firmly decided to never let the OP kiss any of them. Nothing prevents the OP from getting to know a woman that would like him and gladly kiss him except his own fear of doing it with someone who won’t be his wife.

If the OP were at peace with his rigid Protestant views, there would be nothing for us to say, but then he wouldn’t have started this thread. He is obviously unhappy about never having kissed a woman, and I don’t see any other solution but meet a woman who likes him and whom he likes, and kiss her when the moment is right.

No, it wasn’t obvious at all. Your comment objectified women by telling OP there is “nothing stopping” him from kissing one. You didn’t even mention that a connection is required. 

 
Meanwhile, the thing which is stopping him from getting to know a woman, and causing the resulting frustration with himself is his neurodiversity. It means he struggles with the confidence and skills connect with a woman.  
 

I suspect you have limited experience with neurodivergence 

Edited October 5 by basil67

[Gebidozo]

24 minutes ago, basil67 said:

No, it wasn’t obvious at all. Your comment objectified women by telling OP there is “nothing stopping” him from kissing one. You didn’t even mention that a connection is required. 

I didn’t mention it because such an obvious thing doesn’t need to be mentioned.

If the OP got angry watching other people eat, would telling him “nothing prevents you from eating” mean that I suggest he steals the food, or beats a homeless person for his meal, or robs a bank to get the money?

Of course a connection is required to kiss a woman, how would that even work otherwise?

Do you think I’m so evil that I’d recommend to the OP to kiss a woman forcefully? I thought you knew me better.
 

24 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Meanwhile, the thing which is stopping him from getting to know a woman, and causing the resulting frustration with himself is his neurodiversity. It means he struggles with the confidence and skills connect with a woman.  
 

I suspect you have limited experience with neurodivergence 

No experience at all.

So how does one encourage a neurodivergent person like the OP to establish connections with women?

I was under the impression that what mainly prevents the OP from doing that were his views rather than his neurodivergence.

[Gaeta]

57 minutes ago, basil67 said:

due to needing to live with his mother and learning her rigid Protestant values

So earlier in the thread l asked him if his extra conservative views are motivated by religion. He said no, he was not religious and he was raised liberal and left to do what he wanted. He said he did not have these conservative ideas before. When l asked what happenned that he started having these conservative ideas and when...he said he doesn't know. I suggested him to explore in himself why this change. 

Argentina is pretty liberal, it's more liberal than the US. Gay marriage is legal, gender change legal, same sex couples can adopt, they have universal healthcare, etc.

A 40 yo not working probably spends his days on Internet, l'm thinking that's how he got radicalized. Just the vocabulary he's using like he hates, he's disgusted, etc. It's very similar of the vocabulary the extreme right is using around the workd these days.

Edited October 5 by Gaeta

[DanielKla1984]

10 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

So earlier in the thread l asked him if his extra conservative views are motivated by religion. He said no, he was not religious and he was raised liberal and left to do what he wanted. He said he did not have these conservative ideas before. When l asked what happenned that he started having these conservative ideas and when...he said he doesn't know. I suggested him to explore in himself why this change. 

Argentina is pretty liberal, it's more liberal than the US. Gay marriage is legal, gender change legal, same sex couples can adopt, they have universal healthcare, etc.

A 40 yo not working probably spends his days on Internet, l'm thinking that's how he got radicalized. Just the vocabulary he's using like he hates, he's disgusted, etc. 

I read many old books ( I like old classics) and listened to classical music. It probably comes from that side. 

Edited October 5 by DanielKla1984
Grammar mistake

[DanielKla1984]

10 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

So earlier in the thread l asked him if his extra conservative views are motivated by religion. He said no, he was not religious and he was raised liberal and left to do what he wanted. He said he did not have these conservative ideas before. When l asked what happenned that he started having these conservative ideas and when...he said he doesn't know. I suggested him to explore in himself why this change. 

Argentina is pretty liberal, it's more liberal than the US. Gay marriage is legal, gender change legal, same sex couples can adopt, they have universal healthcare, etc.

A 40 yo not working probably spends his days on Internet, l'm thinking that's how he got radicalized. Just the vocabulary he's using like he hates, he's disgusted, etc. It's very similar of the vocabulary the extreme right is using around the workd these days.

When I was a child we used to attend church on Sunday and Friday but out of church we lived a pretty normal life. At 18 I decided not to go to church anymore. 

Edited October 5 by DanielKla1984
Add new things

[DanielKla1984]

30 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

So earlier in the thread l asked him if his extra conservative views are motivated by religion. He said no, he was not religious and he was raised liberal and left to do what he wanted. He said he did not have these conservative ideas before. When l asked what happenned that he started having these conservative ideas and when...he said he doesn't know. I suggested him to explore in himself why this change. 

Argentina is pretty liberal, it's more liberal than the US. Gay marriage is legal, gender change legal, same sex couples can adopt, they have universal healthcare, etc.

A 40 yo not working probably spends his days on Internet, l'm thinking that's how he got radicalized. Just the vocabulary he's using like he hates, he's disgusted, etc. It's very similar of the vocabulary the extreme right is using around the workd these days.

Yes. My country always had a liberal tradition but the last years social changes have sped up and some of us simply couldn't adapt to these changes. 

[Gaeta]

1 hour ago, DanielKla1984 said:

read many old books

What type of old books are you reading? I doubt Victor Hugo spoke of sex the way you do.

[DanielKla1984]

7 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

What type of old books are you reading? I doubt Victor Hugo spoke of sex the way you do.

No. Of course he didn't. I mean the world described by these old authors. 

[mark clemson]

On 10/3/2024 at 6:37 PM, DanielKla1984 said:

And what is the solution? Try and test till you find the person you are most compatible with? And what will you do if you are not compatible? End the relationship?

I mean - yes, that IS what most people do. Biologically, when given freedom to do as they choose, humans are serial monogamists (with a fewer number of "main relationships where e.g. children are raised, IF things go well).

The time to "test out" others OR start a "virginal" relationship was 20 years ago. The time to "settle down" was 10 years ago.

At 40, you can still have a relationship/marriage, but the chances of a woman (virgin or otherwise) showing up ready to marry and/or life commit to a guy with no job, no relationship experience and what many would consider outdated views on women/sex is probably exceedingly low. "Tradwives" need a guy who can support them and TBH the whole tradwife thing is IMO essentially a scam for social media views anyhow, when you take into consideration the terrible boat it leaves both partners in if things don't work out.

 

Edited October 5 by mark clemson

[DanielKla1984]

46 minutes ago, mark clemson said:

I mean - yes, that IS what most people do. Biologically, when given freedom to do as they choose, humans are serial monogamists (with a fewer number of "main relationships where e.g. children are raised, IF things go well).

The time to "test out" others OR start a "virginal" relationship was 20 years ago. The time to "settle down" was 10 years ago.

At 40, you can still have a relationship/marriage, but the chances of a woman (virgin or otherwise) showing up ready to marry and/or life commit to a guy with no job, no relationship experience and what many would consider outdated views on women/sex is probably exceedingly low. "Tradwives" need a guy who can support them and TBH the whole tradwife thing is IMO essentially a scam for social media views anyhow, when you take into consideration the terrible boat it leaves both partners in if things don't work out.

 

I never said that I am against a woman who works. I am traditionalist but I don't have a medieval mindset regarding working women. Maybe I didn't explain myself clearly enough. My main worrying is about finding a life partner but if she wants to work I have no problem with that at all. Actually, I would prefer a woman who works. 

[mark clemson]

Fair enough. I would wonder why she would need/want a "life commitment" right off the bat if she is financially independent though. At least for most women.

I suspect there ARE a small percent of women out there who think like you do. Perhaps you can find one who doesn't mind your financial situation if you continue looking. At 40ish most will be taken or divorced (or there may be some issue that results in them not yet being partnered). But there is always the (admittedly small) chance. C'est la vie.

Edited October 5 by mark clemson

[DanielKla1984]

10 minutes ago, mark clemson said:

Fair enough. I would wonder why she would need/want a "life commitment" right off the bat if she is financially independent though. At least for most women.

I suspect there ARE a small percent of women out there who think like you do. Perhaps you can find one who doesn't mind your financial situation if you continue looking. At 40ish most will be taken or divorced (or there may be some issue that results in them not yet being partnered). But there is always the (admittedly small) chance. C'est la vie.

I am not saying that she must show up ready for marriage. Of course, There must be a dating time in which we get to know each other and know if we are compatible (no sex). 

[DanielKla1984]

1 hour ago, mark clemson said:

 

The time to "test out" others OR start a "virginal" relationship was 20 years ago. The time to "settle down" was 10 years ago.

 

Your opinion is that I should give up?

Edited October 5 by DanielKla1984
Erase

[Gaeta]

Women in the age range you are looking for have had sex already. It will be hard to find a woman that will agree to date 1-2 years with no intimicy. Especially women's libido grows as they get older. 

The only place l can think you could find an adult woman with your views is on a religious dating app. You can find there women who won't have sex before marriage even if they already had sex. 

[DanielKla1984]

3 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Women in the age range you are looking for have had sex already. It will be hard to find a woman that will agree to date 1-2 years with no intimicy. Especially women's libido grows as they get older. 

The only place l can think you could find an adult woman with your views is on a religious dating app. You can find there women who won't have sex before marriage even if they already had sex. 

Yes. I think so too. 

[mark clemson]

1 hour ago, DanielKla1984 said:

Your opinion is that I should give up?

 

1 hour ago, mark clemson said:

I suspect there ARE a small percent of women out there who think like you do. Perhaps you can find one who doesn't mind your financial situation if you continue looking. At 40ish most will be taken or divorced (or there may be some issue that results in them not yet being partnered). But there is always the (admittedly small) chance. C'est la vie.

No. That said, I don't think your chances of getting what you seem to want are particularly high. The same barriers that make things difficult for you are still in place, nor do you seem particularly interested in making changes that might reduce them.

[basil67]

8 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

I didn’t mention it because such an obvious thing doesn’t need to be mentioned.

If the OP got angry watching other people eat, would telling him “nothing prevents you from eating” mean that I suggest he steals the food, or beats a homeless person for his meal, or robs a bank to get the money?

Of course a connection is required to kiss a woman, how would that even work otherwise?

Do you think I’m so evil that I’d recommend to the OP to kiss a woman forcefully? I thought you knew me better.

The whole issue with the OP is that he doesn't have the skills to get a girlfriend, so there is something stopping him.   It's like telling someone who has no money that nothing is preventing them from eating.   

That aside, the generic "kissing women" comment gives me the ick.  

Quote

No experience at all.

So how does one encourage a neurodivergent person like the OP to establish connections with women?

I was under the impression that what mainly prevents the OP from doing that were his views rather than his neurodivergence.

There's a whole lot of roadblocks which would be entangled with his neurodivergence.  Starting with the fact that he's got no experience with women, has mental health issues, doesn't work, doesn't sound like he has a social life, possibly enabled by his mother, and yes, his views.   My suggestion was to use the MeetUp app to get out and meet people, but honestly I think the whole situation is so complex as to be above our paygrade.

Edited October 5 by basil67

[SurfCity]

4 hours ago, DanielKla1984 said:

but if she wants to work I have no problem with that at all. Actually, I would prefer a woman who works. 

A woman who's traditional enough to wait for marriage to have sex even though she's had sex before is unlikely to be modern enough to want to financially support her husband.  

You should look for a woman who's older than you. She'll probably have her pension/social security set up and might be willing to use some of her money to cook for you or buy clothes/other items for you if you marry her.

I know that you're going to say that you can't have kids with an older woman...I'm sorry to be impolite, but it doesn't seem like you would be able to be a good father when you can't even take care of yourself and you live like a child at age 40. I think that you need to be more realistic in your goals. Getting married would be an amazing accomplishment for you, who cares if she's older. If she's willing to financially support you, cook for you, clean up after you, and provide companionship to you, that would be a massive win.

Besides you might enjoy being a step-father to the adult children of an older woman.

 

[DanielKla1984]

13 minutes ago, SurfCity said:

A woman who's traditional enough to wait for marriage to have sex even though she's had sex before is unlikely to be modern enough to want to financially support her husband.  

You should look for a woman who's older than you. She'll probably have her pension/social security set up and might be willing to use some of her money to cook for you or buy clothes/other items for you if you marry her.

I know that you're going to say that you can't have kids with an older woman...I'm sorry to be impolite, but it doesn't seem like you would be able to be a good father when you can't even take care of yourself and you live like a child at age 40. I think that you need to be more realistic in your goals. Getting married would be an amazing accomplishment for you, who cares if she's older. If she's willing to financially support you, cook for you, clean up after you, and provide companionship to you, that would be a massive win.

Besides you might enjoy being a step-father to the adult children of an older woman.

 

No I am not looking for a woman who supports me. I will surely get a job. 

[DanielKla1984]

5 hours ago, basil67 said:

The whole issue with the OP is that he doesn't have the skills to get a girlfriend, so there is something stopping him.   It's like telling someone who has no money that nothing is preventing them from eating.   

You hit in the nail. 

[DanielKla1984]

5 hours ago, basil67 said:

The whole issue with the OP is that he doesn't have the skills to get a girlfriend, so there is something stopping him.   It's like telling someone who has no money that nothing is preventing them from eating

I feel always like an outsider. 

Edited October 6 by DanielKla1984

[DanielKla1984]

I want to say another thing: I am a homebody man. I can't explain how much I love my house and being in it. 

Edited October 6 by DanielKla1984

[DanielKla1984]

1 minute ago, DanielKla1984 said:

 

 

[DanielKla1984]

1 hour ago, DanielKla1984 said:

 

 

[DanielKla1984]

1 hour ago, DanielKla1984 said: