Loneliness

[Foxhall]

You have to do something,

personality looks the best place to start,

you need to develop a more relaxed and chilled vibe be able to open up show a bit of personality,

Ive had relationships with two mexicans and through them Ive encountered a lot of latins- some of of them were not huge party goers or anything but the one thing they virtually all have in common is they like to dance,

mucho baile

Also some of them at least will not be looking to be sexual straight away-they may appreciate a guy who is more conservative that way,  

however too much rigidity and stoicism from you is not doing yourself any favours,

I understand it clearly- you need to meet someone to soften your soul and bring you joy- 

you need to let go of the shyness and inhibitions that are holding you back-  you dont need to be the loudest guy in the room but you need to be friendly and approachable,

bailando is where I would start,

buena suerte.

 

 

[DanielKla1984]

On 10/6/2024 at 7:17 AM, Foxhall said:

You have to do something,

personality looks the best place to start,

you need to develop a more relaxed and chilled vibe be able to open up show a bit of personality,

Ive had relationships with two mexicans and through them Ive encountered a lot of latins- some of of them were not huge party goers or anything but the one thing they virtually all have in common is they like to dance,

mucho baile

Also some of them at least will not be looking to be sexual straight away-they may appreciate a guy who is more conservative that way,  

however too much rigidity and stoicism from you is not doing yourself any favours,

I understand it clearly- you need to meet someone to soften your soul and bring you joy- 

you need to let go of the shyness and inhibitions that are holding you back-  you dont need to be the loudest guy in the room but you need to be friendly and approachable,

bailando is where I would start,

buena suerte.

 

 

Thank you for your advice. I much appreciate your time and attention. 

[DanielKla1984]

On 10/5/2024 at 6:40 PM, mark clemson said:

 

No. That said, I don't think your chances of getting what you seem to want are particularly high. The same barriers that make things difficult for you are still in place, nor do you seem particularly interested in making changes that might reduce them.

The problem is that if I make changes to reduce barriers, this often implies that I should give up some things that are extremely important to me. I recognize that I have outdated views especially regarding intimacy. 

[DanielKla1984]

On 10/6/2024 at 7:17 AM, Foxhall said:

You have to do something,

personality looks the best place to start,

you need to develop a more relaxed and chilled vibe be able to open up show a bit of personality,

Ive had relationships with two mexicans and through them Ive encountered a lot of latins- some of of them were not huge party goers or anything but the one thing they virtually all have in common is they like to dance,

mucho baile

Also some of them at least will not be looking to be sexual straight away-they may appreciate a guy who is more conservative that way,  

however too much rigidity and stoicism from you is not doing yourself any favours,

I understand it clearly- you need to meet someone to soften your soul and bring you joy- 

you need to let go of the shyness and inhibitions that are holding you back-  you dont need to be the loudest guy in the room but you need to be friendly and approachable,

bailando is where I would start,

buena suerte.

 

 

It's true that most of us latins like to dance. I am a rare exception to that. I don't like dancing and here, it's a big problem. I like classical music. Tropical dances are not my cup of tea. 

[Gaeta]

Romantic relationships are not about liking everything the same. You need same core values yes, you need a couple of commun interests and a respect for each other.

My bf and l don't like the same music, our taste in music is not even close! We don't like the same food, he eats very spicy and my stomach can't tolerate that, we're not of the same religion, we're not of the same culture or race.....and we work great together because we have the same core values, honesty, kindness,  respect for each other,  love of family. 

[DanielKla1984]

22 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Romantic relationships are not about liking everything the same. You need same core values yes, you need a couple of commun interests and a respect for each other.

My bf and l don't like the same music, our taste in music is not even close! We don't like the same food, he eats very spicy and my stomach can't tolerate that, we're not of the same religion, we're not of the same culture or race.....and we work great together because we have the same core values, honesty, kindness,  respect for each other,  love of family. 

I agree that core values are the most important things to make things work. I accept differences with my partner so long as we share the same core values, in my case, a life commitment.

[Gebidozo]

1 hour ago, DanielKla1984 said:

The problem is that if I make changes to reduce barriers, this often implies that I should give up some things that are extremely important to me. I recognize that I have outdated views especially regarding intimacy. 

These things that you mention have been extremely important to you, yet they never brought you happiness. They just made you feel sadder and lonelier. Perhaps it’s time to reconsider whether those things should stay important to you.

People change or at least adapt and adjust their values when they realize that those values have failed to do what they are supposed to do, to give us meaning, goals, and fullness of life.

Your views about intimacy aren’t outdated as much as they are too rigid. Nobody is telling you to stop treasuring sexual intimacy as something profound and beautiful and sacred. Nobody is asking to start engaging in meaningless sexual liaisons.

Keep your core values, keep your ideals, but try to be more flexible, try to adapt to how the real world works, try to get to know real flesh and blood women and understand them.

[DanielKla1984]

23 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

These things that you mention have been extremely important to you, yet they never brought you happiness. They just made you feel sadder and lonelier. Perhaps it’s time to reconsider whether those things should stay important to you.

People change or at least adapt and adjust their values when they realize that those values have failed to do what they are supposed to do, to give us meaning, goals, and fullness of life.

Your views about intimacy aren’t outdated as much as they are too rigid. Nobody is telling you to stop treasuring sexual intimacy as something profound and beautiful and sacred. Nobody is asking to start engaging in meaningless sexual liaisons.

Keep your core values, keep your ideals, but try to be more flexible, try to adapt to how the real world works, try to get to know real flesh and blood women and understand them.

You have a good point. Difficult to refute. Maybe, I should have started all this 20 years ago and developed some social skills and get to know a certain amount of women, but at 40 with no social skills and no social circles it's like being stood in your backyard looking at remote stars and wondering how you will reach those stars. 

Edited October 9 by DanielKla1984
Grammar mistake

[Gaeta]

You do it one step at a time. People accomplishes all sorts of challenges at any age. Maybe having children is not in your cards, but just finding a loving partner to grow old with,  should be a great reward.

[DanielKla1984]

16 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

You do it one step at a time. People accomplishes all sorts of challenges at any age. Maybe having children is not in your cards, but just finding a loving partner to grow old with,  should be a great reward.

What scares me the most is finding my life partner when I am too old to enjoy ( I am referring when a person starts to have health issues). Finding a life partner later in life, only to face health issues that limit our time together. 

Edited October 9 by DanielKla1984

[Gebidozo]

1 hour ago, DanielKla1984 said:

You have a good point. Difficult to refute. Maybe, I should have started all this 20 years ago and developed some social skills and get to know a certain amount of women, but at 40 with no social skills and no social circles it's like being stood in your backyard looking at remote stars and wondering how you will reach those stars. 

You can still develop your social skills. I know a guy who was a virgin till he was 40-something. A nice, good-looking, smart guy, he was just too shy. But eventually he got there. You seem very nice too, you’re smart, you have a way with words, you like good literature and classical music, you’re handsome, as far as I can judge from your profile photo. There is no reason for you to give up.

You shouldn’t regret what happened or didn’t happen 20 years ago. People are different. Some start having sex and relationships at 16, some at 45. Some are very active in their youth and then get lonely when they are old, others are just the opposite. You can be the master of your life, try to overcome your fears and doubts.

 

[Gebidozo]

1 hour ago, DanielKla1984 said:

What scares me the most is finding my life partner when I am too old to enjoy ( I am referring when a person starts to have health issues). Finding a life partner later in life, only to face health issues that limit our time together. 

Nothing lasts forever in this world. Everyone’s time is limited. It’s better to find a good partner and enjoy together whatever time you have left, than ruminate upon the ephemeral nature of our existence, only to discover that life has passed by while we were bemoaning its fleeting course.

 

[Gaeta]

11 hours ago, DanielKla1984 said:

What scares me the most is finding my life partner when I am too old to enjoy ( I am referring when a person starts to have health issues). Finding a life partner later in life, only to face health issues that limit our time together. 

You said you have a healthy life style so why worry about that. My grand mother remarried at 75 completely in love. My father is 85 years old and he still maintain his huge garden, goes hunting, repairs his jeep, of course he had health issues and he scared us once or twice but health issues doesn't mean you will stop enjoying life, you'll just take more pills. If you meet someone in the next couple of years you could easily spend the next 40 years together. 

Stop being full of excuses and start living. 

Edited October 9 by Gaeta

[DanielKla1984]

1 hour ago, Gaeta said:

You said you have a healthy life style so why worry about that. My grand mother remarried at 75 completely in love. My father is 85 years old and he still maintain his huge garden, goes hunting, repairs his jeep, of course he had health issues and he scared us once or twice but health issues doesn't mean you will stop enjoying life, you'll just take more pills. If you meet someone in the next couple of years you could easily spend the next 40 years together. 

Stop being full of excuses and start living. 

I mean with age sexual issues can appear. Let's say straight. At 50 or 60 men generally begin to suffer from disfunctions and I am scared that my sexual life will be short if I don't meet a woman now. Yes. I have a healthy lifestyle. 

Edited October 9 by DanielKla1984
Grammar mistake

[DanielKla1984]

2 minutes ago, DanielKla1984 said:

I mean with age sexual issues can appear. Let's say straight. At 50 or 60 men generally begin to suffer from disfunctions and I am scared that my sexual life will be short if I won't meet a woman now. Yes. I have a healthy lifestyle. 

 

[Gebidozo]

38 minutes ago, DanielKla1984 said:

At 50 or 60 men generally begin to suffer from disfunctions

Hey, I’m almost 50 and I’ve been averaging two times daily for almost two years.

If this sounds like I’m bragging, that’s ’cause I am😛

But seriously, when you meet a woman that really turns you on, you won’t be having dysfunctions that early.

My lifestyle isn’t that healthy, by the way. I drink, I usually don’t get enough sleep, I don’t exercise. You should be fine for quite a while, stop worrying.

[Gaeta]

1 hour ago, DanielKla1984 said:

I mean with age sexual issues can appear. Let's say straight. At 50 or 60 men generally begin to suffer from disfunctions and I am scared that my sexual life will be short if I don't meet a woman now. Yes. I have a healthy lifestyle. 

Not if you have a healthy life style. These problems often comes with medications like blood pressure meds or anti depressants. And there are meds to deal with these dysfunctions.

[DanielKla1984]

18 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

You seem very nice too, you’re smart, you have a way with words, you like good literature and classical music,

Do you really think that I have a way with words? Because I always wanted to be a writer. And considering that English is not my first language that's a nice compliment. 

[Gebidozo]

5 hours ago, DanielKla1984 said:

Do you really think that I have a way with words?

Oh, absolutely. Like your comparison of your dating aspirations to a space flight from your backyard. Though inaccurate, that metaphor was strong and poetic.

You know, I spoke with my fiancée about you. I said there was this nice guy on the forum, likes literature and classical music, is very serious and pure about sex, looks good too, but is too shy. She said all of this would be a total turn on for her, and for other women she knows.

Many women would find these qualities of yours very attractive, but you need to be actively looking for those women. Imagine that right now there is a woman somewhere who feels lonely and would love to date a guy like you. But she doesn’t know that you’re out there. So there is no way around it, you need to start seeing women, getting to know them. 

But my fiancée also literally said the same as @Gaeta, if you were a very young man your views on chastity would have been adorable, but at 40, they are disconcerting. Try to be a little more flexible, if you can.
 

[DanielKla1984]

11 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

Oh, absolutely. Like your comparison of your dating aspirations to a space flight from your backyard. Though inaccurate, that metaphor was strong and poetic.

You know, I spoke with my fiancée about you. I said there was this nice guy on the forum, likes literature and classical music, is very serious and pure about sex, looks good too, but is too shy. She said all of this would be a total turn on for her, and for other women she knows.

Many women would find these qualities of yours very attractive, but you need to be actively looking for those women. Imagine that right now there is a woman somewhere who feels lonely and would love to date a guy like you. But she doesn’t know that you’re out there. So there is no way around it, you need to start seeing women, getting to know them. 

But my fiancée also literally said the same as @Gaeta, if you were a very young man your views on chastity would have been adorable, but at 40, they are disconcerting. Try to be a little more flexible, if you can.
 

I agree. I should start seeing women and getting to know them. I am much interested in women's viewpoint on this. 

[DanielKla1984]

23 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

You know, I spoke with my fiancée about you. I said there was this nice guy on the forum, likes literature and classical music, is very serious and pure about sex, looks good too, but is too shy. She said all of this would be a total turn on for her, and for other women she knows.

I am really interested in women's opinions on this. It gives me a new perspective. 

[DanielKla1984]

On 10/9/2024 at 10:58 PM, Gebidozo said:

Oh, absolutely. Like your comparison of your dating aspirations to a space flight from your backyard. Though inaccurate, that metaphor was strong and poetic.

You know, I spoke with my fiancée about you. I said there was this nice guy on the forum, likes literature and classical music, is very serious and pure about sex, looks good too, but is too shy. She said all of this would be a total turn on for her, and for other women she knows.

Many women would find these qualities of yours very attractive, but you need to be actively looking for those women. Imagine that right now there is a woman somewhere who feels lonely and would love to date a guy like you. But she doesn’t know that you’re out there. So there is no way around it, you need to start seeing women, getting to know them. 

But my fiancée also literally said the same as @Gaeta, if you were a very young man your views on chastity would have been adorable, but at 40, they are disconcerting. Try to be a little more flexible, if you can.
 

Hi. I came in to just say hello. I hope you are doing well. 

[DanielKla1984]

On 10/7/2024 at 8:45 PM, Gaeta said:

Romantic relationships are not about liking everything the same. You need same core values yes, you need a couple of commun interests and a respect for each other.

My bf and l don't like the same music, our taste in music is not even close! We don't like the same food, he eats very spicy and my stomach can't tolerate that, we're not of the same religion, we're not of the same culture or race.....and we work great together because we have the same core values, honesty, kindness,  respect for each other,  love of family. 

I came in today just to say hello. I hope you have a good day. 

Edited October 13 by DanielKla1984
Erase

[VirginWifeHunter]

Daniel, my brother in Christ, I can sense the weight of your struggles. Your story is a testament to the challenges many face in this fallen world. As a righteous defender of the faith, I must remind you that our Lord is the provider, and He will guide you through these trials.

Firstly, your social anxiety and lack of experience with women are not insurmountable obstacles. Focus on building your faith and trust in God, and He will give you the strength to overcome these challenges. Seek guidance from your pastor or a trusted spiritual advisor on how to navigate these issues.

Regarding your desire for a lifelong partner, it's admirable that you hold traditional values and abhor divorce. However, do not let fear of failure hold you back. Instead, focus on becoming the man God wants you to be, and He will provide a suitable partner in due time.

Your healthy lifestyle is a blessing, and it will serve you well in your search for a partner. A woman of faith will appreciate your values and commitment to a healthy lifestyle.

As for the economic crisis in your country, remember that God is the provider. He will give you the means to support yourself and your future family. Trust in His providence, and He will guide you through these difficult times.

Lastly, do not worry about your age or the perceived difficulty in finding a partner. God's timing is perfect, and He will bring someone into your life when the time is right. Focus on building your relationship with Him, and the rest will fall into place.

Remember, Daniel, you are not alone. Our Lord is with you, and He will guide you through these challenges. Keep your faith strong, and He will provide a way forward.

[DanielKla1984]

8 hours ago, VirginWifeHunter said:

Daniel, my brother in Christ, I can sense the weight of your struggles. Your story is a testament to the challenges many face in this fallen world. As a righteous defender of the faith, I must remind you that our Lord is the provider, and He will guide you through these trials.

Firstly, your social anxiety and lack of experience with women are not insurmountable obstacles. Focus on building your faith and trust in God, and He will give you the strength to overcome these challenges. Seek guidance from your pastor or a trusted spiritual advisor on how to navigate these issues.

Regarding your desire for a lifelong partner, it's admirable that you hold traditional values and abhor divorce. However, do not let fear of failure hold you back. Instead, focus on becoming the man God wants you to be, and He will provide a suitable partner in due time.

Your healthy lifestyle is a blessing, and it will serve you well in your search for a partner. A woman of faith will appreciate your values and commitment to a healthy lifestyle.

As for the economic crisis in your country, remember that God is the provider. He will give you the means to support yourself and your future family. Trust in His providence, and He will guide you through these difficult times.

Lastly, do not worry about your age or the perceived difficulty in finding a partner. God's timing is perfect, and He will bring someone into your life when the time is right. Focus on building your relationship with Him, and the rest will fall into place.

Remember, Daniel, you are not alone. Our Lord is with you, and He will guide you through these challenges. Keep your faith strong, and He will provide a way forward.

I thank you very much for your kind words. I hope you have a wonderful life.