vanessa94 Posted October 2 Share Posted October 2 While traveling I was approached by a cute guy on the street that asked me out for a date that same day . I really thought about it but ultimately didn't contact him and didn't go. 3 days gone by I leave the country and write him apologizing for not meeting , not really expecting an answer. He replied very politely ,was very understanding. A month gone by and I found myself twice in that city within a week . It was very last minute since first time I lost my plane and second time was an unplanned trip. I messaged him very straight forward telling him If he wanted to go out , First time he said he was busy but we could def meet the next day , second time he told me he had already made plans with friends . His answers are always very kind asking how my day was,emoticons etc.. but I don't know how to interpret his answer. Did I mess this up the first time? Do I have a chance or should I stop pursuing? Any advice would be helpful. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 2 Share Posted October 2 16 minutes ago, vanessa94 said: Did I mess this up the first time? Do I have a chance or should I stop pursuing? Not necessarily, but I would start by asking yourself this: would it really be feasible to pursue something with him? How far apart are you two? 17 minutes ago, vanessa94 said: It was very last minute Good on you for taking a chance and asking to see him anyway, but also very understandable that he wasn't available and already had other things to do. 19 minutes ago, vanessa94 said: His answers are always very kind asking how my day was,emoticons Is it generally you who reaches out to hm? Or does he ever reach out to you first? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 2 Share Posted October 2 Why not just take him at his word? If you are confused by anything he says, ask for clarification. Link to post Share on other sites
Author vanessa94 Posted October 2 Author Share Posted October 2 22 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: Not necessarily, but I would start by asking yourself this: would it really be feasible to pursue something with him? How far apart are you two? Good on you for taking a chance and asking to see him anyway, but also very understandable that he wasn't available and already had other things to do. Is it generally you who reaches out to hm? Or does he ever reach out to you first? Hi thank you for your answer. It's a 2 h flight but I am currently looking to change life and I would be totally willing to change city. I'm always the one reaching out and that's what bugs me. I Don't want to come off as desperate Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 2 Share Posted October 2 3 minutes ago, vanessa94 said: I'm always the one reaching out and that's what bugs me. I Don't want to come off as desperate Stop reaching out. See if he takes the opportunity to contact you. If he doesn't, then you know he is not interested. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author vanessa94 Posted October 2 Author Share Posted October 2 28 minutes ago, stillafool said: Why not just take him at his word? If you are confused by anything he says, ask for clarification. I am sure he had plans , I sure hope so. I Don't know him enough to pretend clarifications from him Link to post Share on other sites
Leihla_B Posted October 3 Share Posted October 3 20 hours ago, vanessa94 said: First time he said he was busy but we could def meet the next day , You turned him down on that? Why didn't you meet him next day? Link to post Share on other sites
Author vanessa94 Posted October 3 Author Share Posted October 3 1 hour ago, Leihla_B said: You turned him down on that? Why didn't you meet him next day? I was in the city only for 1 night the next morning I had to leave Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted October 3 Share Posted October 3 This is a stranger who you met on the street. It sounds like you really know nothing about him. You are making too much of this. You don't even know if you and him would be compatible for a relationship, all you know about him is that you met him on the street and thought he was cute. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 3 Share Posted October 3 52 minutes ago, ShyViolet said: You are making too much of this I agree with this, too, OP, you have no idea if this man is even worth your time. I get that your thread title plays on the famous song, but you never "had" this guy to begin with. He's a stranger. He might a ttoal clown, for all you know. 2 hours ago, vanessa94 said: I was in the city only for 1 night the next morning I had to leave Did you tell him this? Link to post Share on other sites
Author vanessa94 Posted October 3 Author Share Posted October 3 3 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: I agree with this, too, OP, you have no idea if this man is even worth your time. I get that your thread title plays on the famous song, but you never "had" this guy to begin with. He's a stranger. He might a ttoal clown, for all you know. Did you tell him this? Yes I told him. You guys are totally correct about being strangers but I feel silly now because if I would have gone out with him the first time I wouldn't be wondering now. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 3 Share Posted October 3 5 minutes ago, vanessa94 said: I feel silly now because if I would have gone out with him the first time I wouldn't be wondering now. But you were leaving the city, so what other choice did you have? I don't understand why you feel silly. It literally wasn't possible, was it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author vanessa94 Posted October 3 Author Share Posted October 3 14 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: But you were leaving the city, so what other choice did you have? I don't understand why you feel silly. It literally wasn't possible, was it? The very first time , He asked me out while I was on a 3 day trip so I had time but didn't go. A month after I was in that city again for 1 day only that's when I contacted him so he offered the day after but I was leaving Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 3 Share Posted October 3 47 minutes ago, vanessa94 said: Yes I told him. You guys are totally correct about being strangers but I feel silly now because if I would have gone out with him the first time I wouldn't be wondering now. Not only does he know nothing about you, you know nothing about him. And given his method of approach, he likely uses a scattergun method to approach every half decent looking woman he sees. To be clear, he didn't ask you out because he knows you're a nice person, or you share interests, or you have great conversations. He didn't ask you out because he knows you're something special. He asked you out on the basis of nothing more than your appearance and proximity. That his messages are currently 'kind' does not mean that he's a good guy or suitable for you. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 4 Share Posted October 4 10 hours ago, vanessa94 said: The very first time , He asked me out while I was on a 3 day trip so I had time but didn't go. Okay, I see. Your post is a little confusing but this makes more sense now. Anyway, you can't go back and change the past now. And if he's not bothering to reach out to you, I don't think this is something he is interested in maintaining. Sure, he might be willing to see you if you two happen to be in the same city again and the timing works out, but I wouldn't continue pursuing this otherwise. Link to post Share on other sites
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