ZGT1503 Posted January 5, 2006 Share Posted January 5, 2006 Hi, I'm having counselling for jealousy and have already had several sessions. Obviously I realise that the number of sessions you need depends on how severe the problem is, and the cause of the jealousy, but having had no experience of therapy before, I wondered if anyone else has done a similar thing and if so, how long it took before things started to change? Unfortunately I'm moving soon so I have to stop my sessions, although I'm not nearly ready for this! Do you find that if you stop counselling, the problem returns to how it was, or is it possible to keep working on yourself until things really improve? My counsellor offered phone counselling with him after I move, but I'm not sure about this... Any of your experiences or ideas on this would be interesting, thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
travellingman Posted January 5, 2006 Share Posted January 5, 2006 My wife and I tried counselling for a few weeks, I think it made things even worse. Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted January 5, 2006 Share Posted January 5, 2006 i have to agree i'm not a fan of counselling. you are more than you think you are. i find counselling limiting. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZGT1503 Posted January 6, 2006 Author Share Posted January 6, 2006 So how do you overcome problems like jealousy if they have become really serious and destructive? Do you think reading books helps? Or talking to your partner about it? I'm stuck with how to progress!! Thanks for the feedback. Link to post Share on other sites
travellingman Posted January 6, 2006 Share Posted January 6, 2006 So how do you overcome problems like jealousy if they have become really serious and destructive Jealousy means there's someone else, if there's someone else, then there's something missing from the marriage that you're not providing. If you're not being affectionate enough, that's fixable, but if your wife is looking for someone who's smarter, funnier, etc, there's nothing counselling can do. If jealousy itself makes you particularly angry, I'd read up on it to learn more about it, but only use counselling as a last resort. It's really not worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZGT1503 Posted January 6, 2006 Author Share Posted January 6, 2006 Jealousy in my case has nothing directly to do with my partner or relationship or someone else. I've been like this since I can remember, with every guy I've ever felt something serious for, regardless of their behaviour or actions or the success of the relationship. It's gone on for years and only now have I decided something must be done, as I've ruined past relationships because of it. So I guess I'll have to start reading around the subject and trying to control my behaviour, since counselling is coming to an end for me anyway... Thanks for your point of view! Link to post Share on other sites
Fragile heart Posted January 6, 2006 Share Posted January 6, 2006 I actually googled "jealousy" because I know my jealousy has become to much for me to handle. My fiance is very loving and very affectionate...tells me how much he loves me all the time. Still, I get jealous when someone he used to date calls him (I checked his cell) or I even asked him if anything was going on with one of his co-workers because I know they go to lunch together sometimes. I do trust him but I'm afraid something, someone else may catch his fancy. It's destructive...I totally agree with you. I have also always been that way with my past boyfriends. It is just my own insecurities and I need to change. I am currently looking for books too. Please let me know if you find good ones that aren't packed with psychological jargon and I will do the same for you. I just purchased "Loving a Difficult Man" yesterday. The content is very differnt from the title. It is filled with affirmations for women for almost every kind of situation. It has short excerpts and is easy to read. I was looking for a book on jealousy but couldn't find any at that particular bookstore. Nice to find someone else who feels the same way... Fragile heart Link to post Share on other sites
basscatcher Posted January 6, 2006 Share Posted January 6, 2006 Counceling is only as good as you are into it and accept to look at yourself and admit things about yourself most of us don't want to face. It is very hard to admit your faults to yourself and then to admit them to someone else. I have counceled since I was a child. I didn't understand it when I was younger but it did help me to learn to not bottle up my thoughts and feelings. I didn't really incorporate the goodness behind it all until I was in my 20s and my life was becoming a huge mess. I took ti serous and I worked hard on myself. I have to really be honest with myself about wheres, whats, hows and whys of my life and my choices. I had to learn what I was in control of and not.. Read the bottom of my post in my message area.. I still work on living that every day. It is not always easy.. I believe counceling works but you have to be willing to do the work required to make it work. Also, you need to make sure you find a good counceler. There are ones that genuinely care and make the effort to help then there are ones who lost their compassion, empathy and only want the paycheck... I have been to alot of them and some I dumped and some I stayed.. Be open minded, be willing to be honest with yourself. listen and analyze. Councelers dont TELL you what to do.They only suggest and give feedback for you to help yourself... Best of luck... Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted January 6, 2006 Share Posted January 6, 2006 read the power of now. its excellent. the best self help book ever. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZGT1503 Posted January 9, 2006 Author Share Posted January 9, 2006 Thanks for your replies. Padameckla, I strongly agree that counselling is only as good as what you put into it, and this means putting in a lot of work on yourself in order to get anything significant out. And honesty. I'm not having a problem with being honest with myself and my counsellor, or facing the harsh realities. I'm making progress with understanding where my jealousy comes from, and why I'm like I am. But the logical understanding hasn't yet connected with the emotional reactions I still have with my boyfriend. I've learned how to control it, with him, for the sake of the relationship, but I'm still experiencing the painful feelings of jealousy within myself... Fragile heart, it's good to know someone else feels the same way, yes - although I wouldn't wish it on anyone! Regarding books, I have also tried hard to find literature on this subject (it's so hard!) and last week ordered 3 over the internet. I've read 2 of them - the first I wouldn't recommend and was quite negative about jealous people as selfish and so on. The second one is called 'Overcoming Jealousy' by Windy Dryden. This is quite easy to read, but does have some psychological jargon and 'scientific' ways of understanding it... But I found it quite helpful, especially to read the case studies and see that I am not alone in experiencing these things! Another one I've started to read is called 'If this is love, why do I feel so insecure?' (Hindy/Schwarz). This is quite intense and isn't only about jealousy, but since in a lot of cases jealousy stems from insecurity and low self-esteem, it's quite interesting. Newbby... the next one on my list is The Power of Now - thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
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