Interaction during classes

[Acacia98]

On 10/15/2024 at 10:10 PM, Throwaway19993 said:

I think I should try turning our interactions down a bit and maybe keep them to necessary only.

I think so too.

[stillafool]

3 hours ago, Leihla_B said:

I'd avoid using your common classrooms for this. If you want to start seeing other people, that's your prerogative, but I'd avoid breaking from professional conduct inside of places where you're being graded as a professional. That can bite you from many directions.

Sorry, but I didn't mean in the classroom.  Outside of the classroom should be fine.  I don't see why you shouldn't meet and get to know new friends.  That's good for you and will help you move on.

Edited October 17, 2024 by stillafool

[Throwaway19993]

I think I’m the most in peace knowing that I’m being friendly and keeping the vibe lighthearted during our classes and work together. Maybe not over doing it as I feel I have been doing, but matching the energy for the sake of our grades. 

What do you think I should do though in case she does reach out to me outside of the classroom in attempt of privately benefiting of a friendship with me? Should I then be explicitly clear about not being okay with that? 

Also, I would be open to casually meet other people, but I won’t rush into dating as I feel I haven’t completed my grieving process and I’m not emotionally available yet. 

I did want to add an update too. My therapist yesterday figured out that she actually has BPD. When he said it, I recalled her mentioning something about it well before being a couple and both of us acting as if it probably wasn’t a big deal and relevant (God we were WRONG). It doesn’t really matter at this point, as the relationship is over, but it does explain a lot of things about the ENTIRE dynamic of our time as a couple, which gave me a sense of closure that I very much needed, and helps me to put the whole situation in the back burner more. I don’t think she’s aware, but it’s not my responsibility anymore to let her know or help her with it.

Edited October 17, 2024 by Throwaway19993

[Leihla_B]

2 hours ago, Throwaway19993 said:

What do you think I should do though in case she does reach out to me outside of the classroom in attempt of privately benefiting of a friendship with me? Should I then be explicitly clear about not being okay with that? 

I think the kindest decline would be in your best interest to avoid suffering another cold shoulder spell from her while you still need to work with her. That would be more stressful for you than necessary. So I'd just nicely explain that I'm still processing the breakup, but I appreciate the offer and maybe someday that could work out.

Hopefully, that could be a win/win. You duck the pressure of a friendship you don't want to reward her, but you also avoid insulting her. What do you think?

[Throwaway19993]

14 hours ago, Leihla_B said:

What do you think?

Yes, that does sound pretty good in general actually. I agree that it’s the closest thing to a win/win.

[Throwaway19993]

Quick update. We ended up getting closer as time went by, and 2 days ago we finally decided to try again and build up a new relationship from a place of mental health and better understanding of healthy relationship dynamics for both of us. We are going to go slow for now to see if the chances and improvements remain consistent, and see where things go from there.
 

Thanks a lot to everyone for their help during such a confusing and overall hard time (: