Getting over my ex so I can move on with my life

[Adin]

It’s been a little over 2 months since my first real relationship. I’m 21 and I’m in college. We were in a relationship for 6 months and then she broke it off. We had a continuous up and down and she attempted 3 times to break it off but I was too shallow to be ok with it. She would just say. I’m not 100% ready for a relationship but yet she pushed me into dating her in the beginning. After her 2nd attempt to take a break, I called her the next day to tell her that I think she is right and that she needs to focus on herself for another person because she was making me so anxious that she was gunna leave me because she attempted it before. I told her that she needed to focus on herself. And then she started to cry and said that she was pushing away the best boyfriend she ever had and she told me that she had something happen to her that was violating in her past. After she told me that, I felt absolutely horrible and wanted to comfort her so bad. At the end of the conversation, I asked if she wanted to try again and set boundaries for commitment and communication. After that, the next day she told me that she wanted to break up and said that we don’t know how to love each other. But we talked that out and stayed together for another month. When we really broke up she told me that something seemed off about our relationship and that I never made her laugh. But I thought we laughed together all the time and honestly felt like she was a lot more serious of a person. And then she told me that I wasn’t happy in the relationship and that I checked off everything on her list but that I didn’t have any confidence in myself. But at the end of the conversation we both agreed that we should break up and we should not make it awkward when we see each other at events. She was in a sister sorority to the fraternity I am in.

After about 2 months in I saw her again at an event for sexual assault awareness. She was with her sorority friends. I went up and talked to her and said hi to her and all she did was give me a glare and didn’t say anything back. So I just went to talk to my friends. After that her sorority friends still talked to me but she tried to avoid me in every was possible. I feel like she hates me even though we both agreed to not make things awkward at all.

But for the emotional side of things I’ve accepted that we shouldn’t get back together. But physically she was my type and had a great body. I’m not the kind of guy that likes having sex outside of a relationship. So it makes it harder to get over that side of things a lot more. Because I know I won’t have any kind of sex for a while. My family and my friends all say I can do better and that she wasn’t all that. But for some reason she was to me in that sense.

I just wanna know what y’all think about this relationship and how to get over her.

[Leihla_B]

My heart goes out to you. Breakups are hard, especially when you share a campus and circles of friends. Please don't feel freakish about this, Grief is natural. In most cases, it's healthier than pretending one isn't fazed and moving straight into another relationship or a bunch of casual encounters.

But the flip side of 'healthy' grief is downward rumination, to the degree that you drill yourself into a deeper hole to climb out of. That can shift temporary or 'situational' depression into a chronic depression that needs to be treated. So if you find yourself in a constant pit of sadness and always thinking about her, try giving yourself one to three specific times of day to take a break dedicated to some grieving. Then, return your focus to a list of goals you've created for yourself to inspire self-development, your studies, and building your social life.

If you find yourself unable to detach from your grief sessions to pursue and focus on some tasks on your list, then consider making an appointment with your campus mental health counselor. Your tuition has already paid for those services, anyway, so why not explore using them?

Head high, you can do this.

[Gebidozo]

35 minutes ago, Adin said:

I just wanna know what y’all think about this relationship and how to get over her.

I think it was a bad relationship. To get over it, keep reminding yourself how she tried to break up with you several times, made you anxious, then cried when you realized this relationship was hurting you, then still broke up with you and ignored you. She obviously had issues and didn’t treat her well. Soon you’ll realize that she wasn’t a good girlfriend and you are now free to find a better one.

As for her body, well, be glad that this hot woman agreed to have sex with you and be your girlfriend for a while. Cherish the memory of your passion and reminisce it fondly. You’ll surely meet other sexy women, you’re way too young and you’ve basically just started. I’m 48 and I only recently got together with the sexiest woman I’ve ever met. You never know what awaits you around the corner, never give up.