Alpacalia Posted October 4 Share Posted October 4 This man that I am talking to (it's early stages) reached out to me first. We have been in touch off and on and the last message I sent he didn't reply for a few days. He just reached out but I am not sure I want to respond at this point. We are supposed to go on a date, but I am hesitant given his inconsistent communication. Would you reply back right away, or wait a few days to respond to show that you are not just sitting around waiting for him to reach out? Link to post Share on other sites
Sony12 Posted October 4 Share Posted October 4 (edited) Everyone has their own particular response time that they feel comfortable with. Some people enjoy searching through dating sites and respond to people they find attractive whole others can take days to respond to the people they find most interesting. I have found that response time doesn't necessarily say so much about you but more about how interested people are with the process of talking to people online in general. Edited October 4 by Sony12 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 4 Share Posted October 4 Wait for the date, assess, then see what happens with communication after that. Make your decision then. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 4 Share Posted October 4 You've been in touch on and off so could that be him going 'off'? I don't think anything exciting can come out of on & off, usually it indicates a lack of interest. Personally l would have lost interest, men that don't walk the walk don't keep my attention. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted October 4 Share Posted October 4 I think when you're actually dating someone or in a relationship, not replying for a few days is unacceptable. But this is a guy you haven't even gone on a first date with, I wouldn't make too much of this. I would go on the date and see how it goes. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spiritedaway2003 Posted October 5 Share Posted October 5 3 hours ago, ShyViolet said: I think when you're actually dating someone or in a relationship, not replying for a few days is unacceptable. But this is a guy you haven't even gone on a first date with, I wouldn't make too much of this. I would go on the date and see how it goes. +1 on this. if only a first date, I wouldn't be too concerned about the speed of response. Go on the date and see how you feel and jive together. If you're dating someone, then response timeliness matters. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alpacalia Posted October 5 Author Share Posted October 5 I don't know. I think I am going to cancel the date. I've kind of lost interest at this point. Thanks everyone! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Maldives Posted October 5 Share Posted October 5 (edited) 15 hours ago, Alpacalia said: This man that I am talking to (it's early stages) reached out to me first. We have been in touch off and on and the last message I sent he didn't reply for a few days. He just reached out but I am not sure I want to respond at this point. We are supposed to go on a date, but I am hesitant given his inconsistent communication. Would you reply back right away, or wait a few days to respond to show that you are not just sitting around waiting for him to reach out? And I thought it was just men that go through this haha. I have the same issue with this girl, asked her out last sunday but she wasn't feeling well which is fair enough, however she did reach out to me the night before. Si thought i'd give her some space and haven't from her since Sunday. I thought since i asked last time and have been the one initiating contact on the 5 or so dates we been on she'd reciprocate, I'm always baffled what to do in these scenario's because I don't wanna chase if she's gone off me. Or maybe she's waiting on me to see how she's going but we were both unwell last weekend. Anyway back to your question if he's taken a few days to respond I think that that shows either playing games, or, maybe he's busy but I doubt it, I think it's low interest, If i really like a girl i cant wait a couple of days to contact her no matter how busy i am. I amy space out my dates and contact a few days between dates, but if i'm into her i dont wait a few days to reply I'm pretty eager to reply maybe leave it for an hour at most unless I am doing something and have missed the message, if i see the message pop up I dont usually wait to reply that long. Edited October 5 by Goodguy05 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alpacalia Posted October 5 Author Share Posted October 5 2 hours ago, Goodguy05 said: And I thought it was just men that go through this haha. I have the same issue with this girl, asked her out last sunday but she wasn't feeling well which is fair enough, however she did reach out to me the night before. Si thought i'd give her some space and haven't from her since Sunday. I thought since i asked last time and have been the one initiating contact on the 5 or so dates we been on she'd reciprocate, I'm always baffled what to do in these scenario's because I don't wanna chase if she's gone off me. Or maybe she's waiting on me to see how she's going but we were both unwell last weekend. Anyway back to your question if he's taken a few days to respond I think that that shows either playing games, or, maybe he's busy but I doubt it, I think it's low interest, If i really like a girl i cant wait a couple of days to contact her no matter how busy i am. I amy space out my dates and contact a few days between dates, but if i'm into her i dont wait a few days to reply I'm pretty eager to reply maybe leave it for an hour at most unless I am doing something and have missed the message, if i see the message pop up I dont usually wait to reply that long. 🤪 Ha, I think everyone goes through this scenario at some point! When the other person's communication is inconsistent it's hard to know what to do. I cancelled the date. He asked why, I just said that I don't think it's best to move forward because of the inconsistent communication. He said he thought replying/texting me too much before the first date would be too overbearing and didn't want to spoil conversations for the date. Which is fine. I've had men that message/call several times each day so I guess that's fair but 3 or 4 days is too much of a weird gap! I dunno it's bizarre, we had one really long conversation, a few text messages there and here and then he goes silent. We have mutual friends so I am sure I'll bump into him at socials at some point. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Leihla_B Posted October 5 Share Posted October 5 (edited) I think measuring anything about a person based only on text frequency prior to meeting is just a way of getting out of a date you didn't really want to pursue anyway. This is why people advise not to message too much before a first meet. It's too difficult to get out of your own way when you start prescribing 'shoulds' on someone who can't possibly be invested in you yet. You're both strangers. What does texting even 'mean' between two strangers? None of this is to admonish you, A. You're entitled to view dating through any lens you wish, but if you're not really feeling up for meeting someone, just spare yourself the effort and kindly ask whether you can reach out when the timing is better for you. This way, you don't burn bridges to someone who might be fabulous--LATER. Edited October 5 by Leihla_B 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 5 Share Posted October 5 I think the laws of courtesy apply everywhere even in dating. If my neighbour text me with a question do l ignore them for 4 days? No, it's rude. If my dentist leaves a message do l ignore them 4 days? No. If a restaurant leaves me a message to confirm reservations do l ignore them 4 days? No. Why this courtesy does not apply to dating? This is not only about lacking interest, it's also about a lack of basic consideration for people's time in general. Link to post Share on other sites
Calmandfocused Posted October 5 Share Posted October 5 19 hours ago, Alpacalia said: I don't know. I think I am going to cancel the date. I've kind of lost interest at this point. Thanks everyone! I agree with your approach. He’s low interest. If he cannot be bothered to make a good impression before you’ve even met him, it’s a bad sign. Date someone who’s at least excited to meet you. Not a lot to expect is it? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
happyhorizons Posted October 5 Share Posted October 5 7 minutes ago, Calmandfocused said: I agree with your approach. He’s low interest. If he cannot be bothered to make a good impression before you’ve even met him, it’s a bad sign. Date someone who’s at least excited to meet you. Not a lot to expect is it? This ^ is great advice Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alpacalia Posted October 6 Author Share Posted October 6 5 hours ago, Leihla_B said: I think measuring anything about a person based only on text frequency prior to meeting is just a way of getting out of a date you didn't really want to pursue anyway. This is why people advise not to message too much before a first meet. It's too difficult to get out of your own way when you start prescribing 'shoulds' on someone who can't possibly be invested in you yet. You're both strangers. What does texting even 'mean' between two strangers? None of this is to admonish you, A. You're entitled to view dating through any lens you wish, but if you're not really feeling up for meeting someone, just spare yourself the effort and kindly ask whether you can reach out when the timing is better for you. This way, you don't burn bridges to someone who might be fabulous--LATER. I would semi-agree with you. Initially I was interested in going on the first date but I replied to a message he sent and he didn't respond for several days. I kind of lost steam after that. 4 hours ago, Gaeta said: I think the laws of courtesy apply everywhere even in dating. If my neighbour text me with a question do l ignore them for 4 days? No, it's rude. If my dentist leaves a message do l ignore them 4 days? No. If a restaurant leaves me a message to confirm reservations do l ignore them 4 days? No. Why this courtesy does not apply to dating? This is not only about lacking interest, it's also about a lack of basic consideration for people's time in general. I tend to agree. Albeit, I didn't ask him a question back in my reply so maybe he thought it didn't warrant a response right away. Link to post Share on other sites
happyhorizons Posted October 6 Share Posted October 6 7 minutes ago, Alpacalia said: I would semi-agree with you. Initially I was interested in going on the first date but I replied to a message he sent and he didn't respond for several days. I kind of lost steam after that. I tend to agree. Albeit, I didn't ask him a question back in my reply so maybe he thought it didn't warrant a response right away. Hopefully, you will give him another chance to enjoy getting to know you. Maybe, he was a little nervous and has not dated much. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alpacalia Posted October 6 Author Share Posted October 6 57 minutes ago, happyhorizons said: Maybe, he was a little nervous and has not dated much. I don't think so. He was pretty full on initially. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
happyhorizons Posted October 6 Share Posted October 6 11 minutes ago, Alpacalia said: I don't think so. He was pretty full on initially. One thing that is a certainty is that….. IT’S HIS LOSS 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Georgia46 Posted October 6 Share Posted October 6 How many days are you talking? I couldn’t be bothered with anyone rude or inconsistent that can’t text back properly. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alpacalia Posted October 6 Author Share Posted October 6 2 hours ago, Georgia46 said: How many days are you talking? Four days. He was consistent up to that point. Our first date was a week away initially. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marka Posted October 6 Share Posted October 6 You haven't yet met right? If you have a date set up why do you expect for him reaching out constantly? surely this is more gf/bf territory? You are not yet priority. I would go to a date and see how communication evolves after that. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alpacalia Posted October 6 Author Share Posted October 6 1 hour ago, Marka said: You haven't yet met right? If you have a date set up why do you expect for him reaching out constantly? surely this is more gf/bf territory? You are not yet priority. I would go to a date and see how communication evolves after that. I don't think I expect him to reach out constantly. But yes, I can see your point about not being a priority yet. Maybe I am overthinking it. Thanks for your response! Link to post Share on other sites
happyhorizons Posted October 6 Share Posted October 6 1 minute ago, Alpacalia said: I don't think I expect him to reach out constantly. But yes, I can see your point about not being a priority yet. Maybe I am overthinking it. Thanks for your response! I don’t think you are overthinking at all. I think that once you go out with him, he will willingly give you a great more attention in between your get togethers. He probably will do be able to resist doing do.😊 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alpacalia Posted October 7 Author Share Posted October 7 4 minutes ago, happyhorizons said: I don’t think you are overthinking at all. I think that once you go out with him, he will willingly give you a great more attention in between your get togethers. He probably will do be able to resist doing do.😊 Haha, the only issue I had was with him reaching out specifically to ask me a question, and when I replied, he didn't respond for like 4 days! Link to post Share on other sites
happyhorizons Posted October 7 Share Posted October 7 3 minutes ago, Alpacalia said: Haha, the only issue I had was with him reaching out specifically to ask me a question, and when I replied, he didn't respond for like 4 days! The desired attention will DEFINITELY come after the first date. Yes, that is a Guarantee…..😝😝😝😝Be Patient Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alpacalia Posted October 7 Author Share Posted October 7 8 minutes ago, happyhorizons said: The desired attention will DEFINITELY come after the first date. Yes, that is a Guarantee…..😝😝😝😝Be Patient Oh honeymustard, you make me laugh! Thank you for the reminder.🤗 Link to post Share on other sites
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