It's been 6 days

[Goodguy05]

So this is a carry on from my last post about the same girl. 

Anyway 3 days later she messaged me which was Saturday a week ago to see how my day was so we had had about 3 days between contact which isn't unusual between us we don't text each other every day. I asked how she was and she was sick and I said I was too so it looked like we had caught the same bug. She mentioned she hoped we both felt better the following day which she did and I did.  I been on about 5 or so dates with her with me  initiating all the dates. Anyway the following day sunday I thought maybe she really wants to see where this goes so I thought I'd ask her out again and I  wasn't to concerned about what she'd mentioned about moving back to Korea a few days prior which she wasn't certain about. Anyway she kinda gave a mixed response and said it is tempting but didn't wanna get worse going out and plus her car was at the mechanics so I made the call and said to rest up and hope she felt better and if she needed a ride somewhere I was happy to help jokingly saying within 10ks with a laugh at the end. Anyway I thought I'd just leave it at that and give her space to rest and get better but it's been 6 days now and I haven't heard from her. I normally initiate the contact but she has as well. This is the longest we haven't spoken or been in contact. The reason I was waiting on her was because I initiated the last contact Sunday last week and asked her out. Has she lost interest? I wouldn't say she's busy, I mean I don't know her daily routine but she's currently not working  for context. What do you think has she lost interest? waiting for me? Or playing a game lol? Or just changed her mind about me?

Btw on the last date she did say at the end of it that she really enjoys spending time with me. I'm confused I mean one thing I have learnt at my age is woman's feelings can change for whatever reason. 

 

Edited October 5 by Goodguy05

[basil67]

4 minutes ago, Goodguy05 said:

What do you think has she lost interest? waiting for me? Or playing a game lol? Or just changed her mind about me?

Could be any reason.  But the upshot is that she's likely moved on

[Alpacalia]

I wouldn't reach out. Granted, I have been ill once when I was dating someone but we kept in touch daily via messaging and phone calls. This sounds more like a brush-off  (that is very easy to happen if they don't have that high level of interest to begin with) or plain busy or something else. At this rate, if someone falls off my radar like that, I move on. If they don't seem to want to put in the same effort as I do, it's a pass from me.

[Goodguy05]

57 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

I wouldn't reach out. Granted, I have been ill once when I was dating someone but we kept in touch daily via messaging and phone calls. This sounds more like a brush-off  (that is very easy to happen if they don't have that high level of interest to begin with) or plain busy or something else. At this rate, if someone falls off my radar like that, I move on. If they don't seem to want to put in the same effort as I do, it's a pass from me.

So confusing but you are right. My level of interest does not equate to her level of interest. I thought we really had a great connection lots of synchronicities. I ain't had a connection like this for ages. I guess it's just me that feels this way. 

[Gaeta]

Sorry it unfolded that way. With her plan to maybe move back to her country l doubt she will get attached to anyone. She's not realizing she's wasting people's time.

[Leihla_B]

Aww, sorry to hear this. If she's not working, she might have jumped an opportunity to travel somewhere. I'd pull back and see if you hear from her.

[Marka]

Sorry OP, but I quite often mentioned to dates that I am thinking to relocate to another country, and it is quite often to give them a hint I am not interested in going out with them again.

[Goodguy05]

I guess I'll give it one more go, once I know there's no interest it's easy for me to move on, it's the mixed signals that keep me stuck. 

[Gaeta]

5 minutes ago, Goodguy05 said:

once I know there's no interest it's easy for me to move on

Because 6 days with no reply is not a lack of interest in your book?

[Goodguy05]

It is but I've had situations where there was no contact for 2 weeks and it picked up again and they reached out even months. It's the mixed signalling that makes it hard for me to just walk away from. I've tried that in the past and it leaves me feeling like what if I tried this or did that. It doesn't work. I'd rather risk rejection and know now than keep playing it over in my head. 

[Gaeta]

23 minutes ago, Goodguy05 said:

I'd rather risk rejection and know now than keep playing it over in my head. 

That's a good plan too. You know yourself and you know a clear rejection will do the trick for you.

Keep us updated!

[Goodguy05]

Will do Gaeta haha yes I get thrown under the bus and only then does it occur to me theyre not into me lol 

[Alpacalia]

4 hours ago, Goodguy05 said:

I guess I'll give it one more go

Noooooooooo...🙈

LOL, okay, let us know how it goes!

[Acacia98]

14 hours ago, Marka said:

Sorry OP, but I quite often mentioned to dates that I am thinking to relocate to another country, and it is quite often to give them a hint I am not interested in going out with them again.

This possibility occurred to me. I genuinely think she isn't interested.

9 hours ago, Goodguy05 said:

I guess I'll give it one more go, once I know there's no interest it's easy for me to move on, it's the mixed signals that keep me stuck. 

I used to be like you in this way. Then life happened. Several painful lessons later, I understand that:

1. Enthusiasm and consistent effort mean the person is interested.

2. Ambivalence and mixed signals mean the person is not interested (they will eventually flake out or dump you in some other fashion).

[Goodguy05]

1 hour ago, Acacia98 said:

This possibility occurred to me. I genuinely think she isn't interested.

I used to be like you in this way. Then life happened. Several painful lessons later, I understand that:

1. Enthusiasm and consistent effort mean the person is interested.

2. Ambivalence and mixed signals mean the person is not interested (they will eventually flake out or dump you in some other fashion).

Yep, true those 2 points I think really brang it home for me. Internally I know that, yet struggle to let go when it's someone i really like. I invested too much into this, thinking the synchronicity between us meant something, to me it did, I guess not her. 

[Acacia98]

12 hours ago, Goodguy05 said:

Yep, true those 2 points I think really brang it home for me. Internally I know that, yet struggle to let go when it's someone i really like. I invested too much into this, thinking the synchronicity between us meant something, to me it did, I guess not her. 

You don't have to view the time/energy you invested as a waste. The key is to take the time to learn the lessons associated with your experience.

[Gaeta]

On 10/5/2024 at 7:58 PM, Goodguy05 said:

yes I get thrown under the bus

Did you contact her?

[Goodguy05]

10 hours ago, Gaeta said:

Did you contact her?

Hi Gaeta, no I didn't. Too many days have passed now and it gets more awkward by the day to reach out. I have no idea why she hasn't but, I want someone who has high interest in me. Shame it's taken ages to find a connection like this one but high interest is important for me. 

I asked myself what will reaching out now achieve, I'm already questioning her level of interest.

Edited October 7 by Goodguy05

[Goodguy05]

10 hours ago, Gaeta said:

Did you contact her?

Hi Gaeta, no I didn't. Too many days have passed now and it gets more awkward by the day to reach out. I have no idea why she hasn't but, I want someone who has high interest in me. Shame it's taken ages to find a connection like this one but high interest is important for me.

I did wonder whether she's got old fashioned values and expects the guy to chase and initiate but then there was contact and messaging from her on one or two occasions. I find it hard pursuing someone without some form of feedback. I need it to gauge for interest. Otherwise my guard starts to go up. I'm always assessing a woman's level of interest whereas a lot of men just assume because there level of interest is high the ladies must be as well but thats not always the case. 

Dating is confusing but I've learnt a lot and I  believe having a mutual loving relationship is wonderful. 

 

Edited October 7 by Goodguy05

[Goodguy05]

10 hours ago, Gaeta said:

Did you contact her?

Btw I hold nothing  anything against her for not being interested, it happens that's part and parcel of dating and relationships. And I don't think like well that's her loss or anything lol. That's life, I also respond to some dates like that so I get it. 

Edited October 7 by Goodguy05

[Gaeta]

9 minutes ago, Goodguy05 said:

Btw I hold nothing  anything against her for not being interested, it happens that's part and parcel of dating and relationships. And I don't think like well that's her loss or anything lol. That's life, I also respond to some dates like that so I get it. 

That is a great way to handle things. I used to tell myself, when l meet the right man l will understand why it did not stick with the 100 ones l met before him. When we are both genuinely interested it unfolds without efforts.

[Goodguy05]

14 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

That is a great way to handle things. I used to tell myself, when l meet the right man l will understand why it did not stick with the 100 ones l met before him. When we are both genuinely interested it unfolds without efforts.

Being a little older (53) 😊 I 've had those relationships, and a marriage once,  where it's mutual so I had experience  to know the difference, I pick up when there level of interest doesn't match mine. Yes it's a lot more flowing.

Edited October 8 by Goodguy05

[Herkamer]

If she's moving back home, I get the feeling she's disengaging with you. A week with no response from her, no follow ups, nothing. If I were a betting man and if I were betting on the very worst outcome and reason, she used you as a meal ticket while she was with you and now that she's about done, it's about time for her to move on, in her mind. Honestly, she could be ghosting you for this reason. I know this isn't something you want to hear, but sometimes you have to start accepting that she's not that into you. It isn't because you're dull nor a bad dude. And from one man to another, there is something that needs explained to you.

From what it seems, you seem like a decent enough guy that wants a good, healthy relationship. Most men are. However, many women today don't want the average guy anymore, even when they might be average themselves (and about 80-95% of them are). Many of them want the Chads that have a ton of options. What I mean is they want the guys that are 6 feet tall, extremely good looking, and have a big 6+ figure income. Usually they have terrible personalities and horrible human beings. I guarantee, though, many of the same women respond to these men immediately These men put in extremely little to no effort into a relationship. Because they are so unusually attractive, these women will put in the vast majority of the work, even when they know the guy is hardly doing anything because they want them and, in their minds, need it to work. The guy's a Disney Prince in the flesh, based on what they're seeing. He can go about and commit a horrific crime(s) and she'll still keep him. She'll come up with a lame excuse and make a case. She will fight for this man, even though he has far more harm than good to her. Gives these women a reason to go tell their friends about this story they're a part of where they're center stage. So long as the guy sticks around, despite him being a monster in her life, she will keep him.

What about normal men? Well, we're put through the ringer with these type of women. Asking them out can be a tall order since not only we get rejected, but also labeled as weird and creepy, rumors are spread about us, and we disgust these women when we're not even being that way. Same goes if we're giving them an innocent and harmless compliment. A whole bunch of rules and regulations are slapped on us as a means to ensure we do not waver in what they want or else they leave (and it can be for something ridiculous, too). We're expected to pay for EVERYTHING, no exceptions. And these same women don't do much for us in return. This isn't me trying to be a pessimist, but I went through similar situations. The women may have liked me as a person, but as a potential lover they did not. One said to me before that I'm easy to talk to while the other said she was glad I was around. Ended up with neither one. Instead, one got married and the other never got over a man she was with 8 years ago. This woman you described sounds like she's the same way. If I had to take another gander, if she actually really liked you, she would stay. But it sounds like a spare the moment situation and she used you just to have fun before heading home to whoever it is waiting for her or someone she's hoping to get together with.

Disclaimer, NOT ALL WOMEN USE NORMAL MEN NOR DO THEY PREFER BAD BOYS, AND NOT ALL WOMEN ARE BAD! Just so we're clear, I was pointing out that there are many women out there that will use men to get what they want (and it can work the same way if the roles are reversed). And based on what I got from this post, this woman might have A) lost interest or B) simply used you for your resources. To be fair, this is part 2 of another post and I did not read that, so there might be more to the story and I can be wrong in my opinion. However, given this end result, I've seen and even experienced something very similar before in this post. I've a run in with a woman where she came down to visit her sister for Christmas and this gal was very nice, cute, and talkative. I liked her for that brief moment. She said she was going to be back the following week at this one place, so I went there but she was no where to be found. I couldn't tell you if she was telling the truth or if she fibbed or whatever the case might have been. Bottom line is I wasn't interesting enough for her to see again. That's just the reality, and it's one many men go through as well. Only reason I'm bringing this up to you is because you sound like you don't have a lot of experience with this, and felt inclined giving this explanation.

Anyway, if any of this turns out to be true, keep your chin up. You have a life and there's others in it that are counting on you. I know how it feels to be used and feel as if you're nothing more than a tool to use as work. I get it. I'm 38 years old, not married, no kids, nothing like that. I got my work, hobbies, family, and friends. That's it. Last woman I liked I said to myself in case if it doesn't work out, I have to start making a decision on whether or not if it's even worth getting into a relationship with someone or not because it's tough for the average Joe to get a woman. And when you bring it up tp people that are close, they seemingly don't care. The last woman I did things with I really liked and we had fun. However, things started happening in her life and eventually she told me a relationship wasn't going to happen. We're still friends and continue doing things with her, but I drove home down that night. Later on, one of my friends and my parents were trying to get me interested in women they knew but I had zero interest in. Since Summer, I've come closer to a decision on being single the rest of my life. Why spin my wheels on something I have difficulty getting into when I did everything women like in a man, right? I lost over 130 pounds, I do competitive/showcase/social ballroom/Latin dancing,  travel, make a decent wage, and I have good friends to hang out with. It's just when I begin to realize how true a lot of what I listed really was, after learning this from various other men and sources, relationships probably aren't for me and many other men today, and many women prefer the fantasy rather than what's real. Besides, other, more important, things in my life are happening and good things are about to start. You should consider this as well.

Now that got all that out of the way, here's my advice. Focus on you. Your life does not revolve around whether or not you're in a relationship. People may judge you based on that alone, but this is the same crowd that are not particularly happy with their relationships, whether it be bf/gf, engagements, or even marriages. They do it because they think they can earn far more prestige and respect from it, like it'll make them far better people and it'll make an impact on the world and everyone will love and adore them for it. The truth is none of it does. In short, they're losers, and while they're bickering and fighting each other or if people are trying to get someone to commit to a relationship, you'll be the one improving and building a foundation for yourself. How do you do that: go to the gym, lose fatty weight, new wardrobe, new physical sport like hobbies, improve work habits, spend more time with family and friends, make new friends, travel, do more physical activities, get more involved with social events, and try new things. Relationships can come, but you have to put a lot of work into yourself before that happens if you come across someone, like this woman, that you may be attracted to. But if a woman who isn't like her comes along and sees the amount of time you take and make sacrifices, as well as taking risks, and actually likes and respects you for it, then go for it slow. You're still focusing on you, so don't forget that. Lastly, never be someone you're not. If you're still hoping to get into a relationship, that woman needs to like you for you. You can always improve your personality through your confidence, but be you in the end. Anyway, sorry it went on this long, but I wanted to give examples of my life experiences and endow what I learned from others and through observation onto you. So I really hope this helps. Good luck to you!

[Alpacalia]

21 hours ago, Goodguy05 said:

Hi Gaeta, no I didn't. Too many days have passed now and it gets more awkward by the day to reach out. I have no idea why she hasn't but, I want someone who has high interest in me. Shame it's taken ages to find a connection like this one but high interest is important for me. 

I asked myself what will reaching out now achieve, I'm already questioning her level of interest.

I feel that's a good way to look at it. You want someone that reciprocates the interest you have for them. And in this case, she has not shown much reciprocity in terms of initiating contact or actively trying to make plans with you. You've planned all the dates so far, and even when you offered to give her a ride (which ultimately would have still been a date), she didn't take you up on that offer. 

[Goodguy05]

4 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

I feel that's a good way to look at it. You want someone that reciprocates the interest you have for them. And in this case, she has not shown much reciprocity in terms of initiating contact or actively trying to make plans with you. You've planned all the dates so far, and even when you offered to give her a ride (which ultimately would have still been a date), she didn't take you up on that offer. 

Thanks Alpacalia, I'm going through that 'what if' stage now lol, I did think did she expect me to check in on her because she was sick? I donno i find dating these days so hard and confusing. 

Edited October 9 by Goodguy05