max3732 Posted October 5 Share Posted October 5 I was chatting with this woman from OLD and invited her out. She was saying she heard good things about this area so I asked if she wanted to meet at a restaurant there next Sunday evening and she said she lives about 45 minutes away so that's too far. When she told me where she lives I suggested a place about halfway and said the name of restaurant and "we can walk by the water and it has plenty of parking. Have you been there?" Her: Sounds nice. Unfortunately you're not being very clear and I choose to be very strict with men. I don't feel like asking any more questions to get clarity" Me: What am I not clear about? I have an exact location, date and time Her: I'm not sure if we're meeting and going for a walk, which would be nice. Or I'm not sure if we're meeting and you're taking me out to enjoy the restaurant for meal or coffee, etc, which would also be nice. I don't have patience for games Me: Enjoy a meal at the restaurant and then go for a walk Her: Ok, great. See you then I find this whole conversation very confusing. What does it mean "she's very strict with men". If I'm suggesting a restaurant she can't figure out it's to eat something and can't bother to ask? How lazy is she? How is inviting her there playing a game? At this point I almost feel like unmatching her even though we haven't met yet. What do you think? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 5 Share Posted October 5 I agree with you. Seems like her guard is up sky high. I probably would pass on her but I'm not a man. She sounds like she's been through a lot with men and a bit bitter. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 5 Share Posted October 5 She wanted a restaurant invitation. Sounds like she was not interested in just a walk. She warned you already she will be a pain in the arse. I would pass. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author max3732 Posted October 5 Author Share Posted October 5 2 hours ago, stillafool said: I agree with you. Seems like her guard is up sky high. I probably would pass on her but I'm not a man. She sounds like she's been through a lot with men and a bit bitter. The whole conversation seems to odd to me. I can't get over the phrase "very strict with men". 51 minutes ago, Gaeta said: She wanted a restaurant invitation. Sounds like she was not interested in just a walk. She warned you already she will be a pain in the arse. I would pass. Agreed. If she wanted to be 100% sure about a restaurant invite couldn't she have just asked? We were talking about a restaurant somewhere she said was too far and I mentioned meeting at the restaurant so I figured it was kind of complied. This is part of why I have so much trouble with texting with women vs. actually getting to know them in person over time. I hate judging people based on texting, but this kind of shows me she may have issues. Her profile makes it seem like she's so kind and stable, but I don't know what's going on with her Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 5 Share Posted October 5 She's just let you know loud and clear that she's going to be difficult and standoff-ish. Up to you if you want to proceed, but I personally would skip someone like this. She's coming into this with her dukes up which is never a good sign. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sony12 Posted October 6 Share Posted October 6 (edited) What is her nationality? Should she have a reason to not have very good grammar? Her replies would give me a red flag just because she doesn't sound like she is responding with very good grammar and that often is a sign of a scammer. Edited October 6 by Sony12 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted October 6 Share Posted October 6 There's no way I would meet up with someone who is talking like this. She is already being negative, argumentative, seeing problems with everything. She has a bad attitude and sounds like someone who would be difficult to get along with. This is just a small taste of what would be to come if you were to date her. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted October 6 Share Posted October 6 Maybe she was thinking "walk on the beach" or something romantic which she was hesitant about. That could be why she says she is strict with men. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 6 Share Posted October 6 "strict with men" suggests to me that English is her second language. I felt like your suggestion was a little ambiguous and she was trying to get a clear idea of the plan Link to post Share on other sites
Sony12 Posted October 6 Share Posted October 6 13 minutes ago, basil67 said: "strict with men" suggests to me that English is her second language. I felt like your suggestion was a little ambiguous and she was trying to get a clear idea of the plan Yep she wasn't responding like most who have a firm grasp on the English language would respond. And would be a red flag if she claimed to be from an English speaking language. Most scammers aren't from America. Link to post Share on other sites
Georgia46 Posted October 7 Share Posted October 7 Hmmm she sounds like proper feisty … I don’t think I’d write her off as messages can come across differently to how you’d say things ( although it’s a bit 😳) id probs go on the date, meet her in person… and after that, if it’s terrible etc you can always walk away. Link to post Share on other sites
Andy_K Posted October 7 Share Posted October 7 She's going to make a different level of effort (and have different expectations) for a meal at a restaurant than a walk by a river nearby, so wants to know what to expect. Sounds like she's been on the wrong end of some ambiguous plans before, and is carrying that frustration forward. She might well be the nice person you read about on her profile, but either she's got barriers up and will be a pain to deal with until she lowers them, or she'll be a pain to deal with full stop. Up to you if you think it's worth rolling the dice on this one. Link to post Share on other sites
Acacia98 Posted October 7 Share Posted October 7 (edited) On 10/5/2024 at 6:23 PM, max3732 said: "I don't feel like asking any more questions to get clarity" (...) "I don't have patience for games." Because of the two above sentences, I would cancel that first meeting/date. Edited October 7 by Acacia98 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Leihla_B Posted October 8 Share Posted October 8 On 10/7/2024 at 12:37 PM, Acacia98 said: On 10/5/2024 at 11:23 AM, max3732 said: "I don't feel like asking any more questions to get clarity" (...) "I don't have patience for games." Because of the two above sentences, I would cancel that first meeting/date. I agree. She doesn't sound at all pleasant. I wouldn't waste my time. Link to post Share on other sites
FredEire Posted October 8 Share Posted October 8 In my experience, if someone seems weird or aggressive in your initial setting-up-the-date texting, listen. If they seem flaky, listen. It might save you a lot of hassle if you meet them and take a liking to them feeling you misjudged them, only to have your initial feeling confirmed further down the line. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted October 8 Share Posted October 8 36 minutes ago, FredEire said: In my experience, if someone seems weird or aggressive in your initial setting-up-the-date texting, listen. If they seem flaky, listen. It might save you a lot of hassle if you meet them and take a liking to them feeling you misjudged them, only to have your initial feeling confirmed further down the line. It can go the other way too. I went out on a date with a man once years ago and he was so sweet and kind and then after the date he went complete bat head on me. I was total shocked. If someone is giving you weird vibes or seems flaky, I completely agree it's worth listening to your gut and not setting up the date. However, some people can come off differently in person than they do via text or phone call. Her comment, to me, seems like she's just being particular about what she wants. But the way she worded it could definitely come off as aggressive or weird. Link to post Share on other sites
FredEire Posted October 8 Share Posted October 8 10 minutes ago, Alpacalia said: It can go the other way too. I went out on a date with a man once years ago and he was so sweet and kind and then after the date he went complete bat head on me. I was total shocked. If someone is giving you weird vibes or seems flaky, I completely agree it's worth listening to your gut and not setting up the date. However, some people can come off differently in person than they do via text or phone call. Her comment, to me, seems like she's just being particular about what she wants. But the way she worded it could definitely come off as aggressive or weird. Yeah, either way it's something big I've learned: listen to your gut, it's not giving you that vibe for no reason. And yeah who you are in text vs in person are very different. Sometimes I think the distance allows people to either be a bit nicer or a bit nastier than they would be in person. Link to post Share on other sites
lemonicetea Posted October 8 Share Posted October 8 My initial thought is English is not her first language. It also could be a scam as I’ve heard that a lot of times they use bad grammar and spellings on purpose because they know if you overlook that, you’re going to be overlooking a lot of stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
Author max3732 Posted October 9 Author Share Posted October 9 On 10/6/2024 at 6:20 PM, Sony12 said: Yep she wasn't responding like most who have a firm grasp on the English language would respond. And would be a red flag if she claimed to be from an English speaking language. Most scammers aren't from America. Her profile says she was born in the US and lives here. Since then she's messaged me a few times and her English has been perfect. I don't quite know what to think Link to post Share on other sites
Sony12 Posted October 9 Share Posted October 9 2 hours ago, max3732 said: Her profile says she was born in the US and lives here. Since then she's messaged me a few times and her English has been perfect. I don't quite know what to think Have you talked to her over the phone? Do you know what she sounds like during a normal conversation? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 9 Share Posted October 9 Sounds like she's had some real bad experiences with men, and first dates. But ya she doesn't have the proper communication skills to just "ask" instead of going on a rant about it. Being that openly rude says mental illness to me. I would be more worry what would happen when you do cancel *eek*. Can just feel that wrath comin yer way lol. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Sony12 Posted October 9 Share Posted October 9 1 hour ago, smackie9 said: Sounds like she's had some real bad experiences with men, and first dates. But ya she doesn't have the proper communication skills to just "ask" instead of going on a rant about it. Being that openly rude says mental illness to me. I would be more worry what would happen when you do cancel *eek*. Can just feel that wrath comin yer way lol. Tis why you don't tell people your last name nor where you live. Link to post Share on other sites
lemonicetea Posted October 9 Share Posted October 9 8 hours ago, max3732 said: Her profile says she was born in the US and lives here. Since then she's messaged me a few times and her English has been perfect. I don't quite know what to think If I were you I would back out. I can’t get over the whole “I choose to be strict with men” line. I was giving her a little leeway if she was from another country or something, but if she’s from the US and her English was perfect before, that seems like a major red flag. Link to post Share on other sites
FredEire Posted October 9 Share Posted October 9 6 hours ago, smackie9 said: Sounds like she's had some real bad experiences with men, and first dates. But ya she doesn't have the proper communication skills to just "ask" instead of going on a rant about it. Being that openly rude says mental illness to me. I would be more worry what would happen when you do cancel *eek*. Can just feel that wrath comin yer way lol. Yeah, sometimes you can just feel the pent up anger. This seems to be one of those times. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted October 10 Share Posted October 10 On 10/6/2024 at 1:23 AM, max3732 said: I choose to be very strict with men. Holy red flag, lol. I'd be out of there so fast. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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