Are those red flags?

[Marka]

Matched with a guy recently on an app. Messages we exchanged on app were good and thoughtful, though on one or two  occasion he seemed to forgot info i told him, like where I studied and what industry I work in. But i thought no big deal, as it is early stage and he may chat with multiple women and has a very time demanding job. We started to planning a date and then he asked to move to WhatsApp and gave his number. That's where it started to turn strange.  I suspect that this guy may not be a single.

We never went a day without a text but all the time I sent him a text on WhatsApp it was only one grey tick, meaning the message was sent but not delivered. Some friends told me it could be because he has notifications off in his settings, but still why would it be not delivered,  I would have thought he wouldn't be just notified about it? Then some time later, message gets second grey tick. This kinda caused me a strange feeling.

Also our conversation turned into general chat on whatsapp, and he didn't continue date planning, we started on a dating app.  Sure he can be busy at work but all other men i ve chatted with pushed for a date asap. Only few who didn't i suspect they had something to hide. He says he works late hours and very hard (which is very believable as it is very typical for the industry he is in) and at the weekends he is subscribed to a course  in another costal town(which makes sense again as I know those courses) and he says he goes there every weekend and the course ends in the end of October, meaning he is unavailable to meet at the weekend at the moment. Yet i checked his location on the app when he claimed to be on that course in different town and location showed that he is our town. Though of course it could be that he didn't open an app.

I suggested to meet for a lunch during work time as our offices are like 1 mile from each other, he said his lunch hours are not fixed, and countered with saying lets try to meet for an early dinner after work. That sound weird, like he claimed he works long hours and at the same time early dinner, as like he would still be at home at time he usually is? He keeps saying that we have so much in common, yet not actively follows through to meet? Sounds like catfish or attached, or I am too suspicious? He gave me though links to his professional profile. So I am a bit confused here. What is your take on this? We ve been chatting for two weeks now.

 

 

[Gaeta]

I did not trust anyone on dating app wanting to move to whattsap. A man that has nothing to hide would text and call. I don't care some people use whatsapp for what ever reason, not with me.

If you tell him you don't like whatsap and want to move to texting, watch him disappear. He's probably married. I would move on.

[Marka]

18 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

I did not trust anyone on dating app wanting to move to whattsap. A man that has nothing to hide would text and call. I don't care some people use whatsapp for what ever reason, not with me.

If you tell him you don't like whatsap and want to move to texting, watch him disappear. He's probably married. I would move on.

everyone uses whatsapp in my area, so wish to talk there is not a red flag per se...

[Gaeta]

12 minutes ago, Marka said:

everyone uses whatsapp in my area, so wish to talk there is not a red flag per se...

Do you have his phone number?

[Marka]

44 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Do you have his phone number?

yes, thats how you add people on whatsapp

[Maldives]

4 hours ago, Marka said:

Matched with a guy recently on an app. Messages we exchanged on app were good and thoughtful, though on one or two  occasion he seemed to forgot info i told him, like where I studied and what industry I work in. But i thought no big deal, as it is early stage and he may chat with multiple women and has a very time demanding job. We started to planning a date and then he asked to move to WhatsApp and gave his number. That's where it started to turn strange.  I suspect that this guy may not be a single.

We never went a day without a text but all the time I sent him a text on WhatsApp it was only one grey tick, meaning the message was sent but not delivered. Some friends told me it could be because he has notifications off in his settings, but still why would it be not delivered,  I would have thought he wouldn't be just notified about it? Then some time later, message gets second grey tick. This kinda caused me a strange feeling.

Also our conversation turned into general chat on whatsapp, and he didn't continue date planning, we started on a dating app.  Sure he can be busy at work but all other men i ve chatted with pushed for a date asap. Only few who didn't i suspect they had something to hide. He says he works late hours and very hard (which is very believable as it is very typical for the industry he is in) and at the weekends he is subscribed to a course  in another costal town(which makes sense again as I know those courses) and he says he goes there every weekend and the course ends in the end of October, meaning he is unavailable to meet at the weekend at the moment. Yet i checked his location on the app when he claimed to be on that course in different town and location showed that he is our town. Though of course it could be that he didn't open an app.

I suggested to meet for a lunch during work time as our offices are like 1 mile from each other, he said his lunch hours are not fixed, and countered with saying lets try to meet for an early dinner after work. That sound weird, like he claimed he works long hours and at the same time early dinner, as like he would still be at home at time he usually is? He keeps saying that we have so much in common, yet not actively follows through to meet? Sounds like catfish or attached, or I am too suspicious? He gave me though links to his professional profile. So I am a bit confused here. What is your take on this? We ve been chatting for two weeks now.

 

 

Sounds like a scammer 

[Calmandfocused]

If someone you’ve met online is not interested in meeting, give him a wide berth. 
 

The 1 tick/ 2 tick factor on WhatsApp is irrelevant. What is relevant is the fact that this guy is giving you every excuse under the sun not to meet you. 
 

You want to date right? Meet someone in person? If it’s a yes and yes look in another direction. 

Edited October 5, 2024 by Calmandfocused

[Alpacalia]

He can't meet for lunch but instead wants to take you to dinner so I don't really see anything that's very harmful in these interactions. He could have a reason why he doesn't want to meet for lunch stating he wants to take you to dinner to have more time. Sounds plausible. Also I've noticed guys will say "let's do dinner" if they aren't good at taking the lead and don't know what to suggest to do together on a first outing. Dinner is the easiest. 

Though, I don't quite understand the need to move things to whatsapp if you've already exchanged phone numbers, why not just call or text using the regular phone message app? 

[Gaeta]

8 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

e easiest. 

Though, I don't quite understand the need to move things to whatsapp if you've already exchanged phone numbers, why not just call or text using the regular phone message app? 

Whatsapp is known to be the app cheaters use. Google why cheaters use whatsapp and all the technical details are there, it's easier to hide conversations. 

[Leihla_B]

If someone is unwilling to meet within a week or two, what kind of 'relationship' could you possibly have with them?

I'd ditch and move on to set up a drink or coffee with the next one.

[Alpacalia]

5 hours ago, Gaeta said:

Whatsapp is known to be the app cheaters use. Google why cheaters use whatsapp and all the technical details are there, it's easier to hide conversations. 

I've heard of that. Given it's encrypted. I use it to communicate with my sister, only because she asked. I hemmed and hawed why not just use good ole' fashion SMS? Otherwise I don't use it.

[smackie9]

If it doesn't feel right, then it's not. Follow your gut. Next this guy.

[Georgia46]

I wouldn’t try and work out all the reasons behind his Whatts App behaviour he has your number now so I would wait for him to call and arrange something properly. 
 

Go with your intuition though it’s usually right. 

[Marka]

20 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

He can't meet for lunch but instead wants to take you to dinner so I don't really see anything that's very harmful in these interactions. He could have a reason why he doesn't want to meet for lunch stating he wants to take you to dinner to have more time. Sounds plausible. Also I've noticed guys will say "let's do dinner" if they aren't good at taking the lead and don't know what to suggest to do together on a first outing. Dinner is the easiest. 

Though, I don't quite understand the need to move things to whatsapp if you've already exchanged phone numbers, why not just call or text using the regular phone message app? 

Whatsapp is primarly method of communication in a country where I am. It is uncommon to send texts or call here. So this is the least of my worries. Actually he gave me his number on a dating app and I automatically added him and messaged on a whatsapp.

The thing about the dinner is that he said early dinner. He said he works long hours so I just think he wants to find a day where he can leave work early to have a dinner with me and then be still on time at home

 

[Marka]

In any case I am not happy with this uncertainty so I asked him if he would have time to meet within 1-2weeks as I am not into texting without meeting. He said he is going on business trip to another city and will reach me out in 3 days when he is back to set smth up. So I will see by then I guess.. Business trip is legit for sure, I know this conference, but will see what happens after. I think is he either busy with work or with someone else..

[Alpacalia]

16 minutes ago, Marka said:

Whatsapp is primarly method of communication in a country where I am. It is uncommon to send texts or call here.

 

Why is that? Just curious. To your other post, I think it's safe to say that when you meet someone on dating apps (not sure if that's how you both met....), but if so, they're going to be talking to several people at once. Maybe that accounts for the delay in setting a specific day, time.

[Gaeta]

Are you sure you want to date someone THAT busy?

[Georgia46]

Also I don’t see any red flags with using WA. 
 

I always use it to message people.   Can send GIfs, pics etc.

 

there is a function to hide your messages so I suppose you could use it if you were cheating but I suppose you could also delete a sms also. 
 

 

[grandegrace]

Agree with that.

[Marka]

11 hours ago, Gaeta said:

Are you sure you want to date someone THAT busy?

I am quite independent myself, for me preferred pace is one date per week at the weekend, occasionally also one date during working week. So even in a relationship weekly date is good, but not rarer that that. Would not be happy with seeing each other on biweekly basis or once per month. But yeah if he is always that busy I wouldn't want to date him.

 

TBH I am leaning towards moving on here, just curious now if he will find time or flakes. 

Edited October 7, 2024 by Marka

[Leihla_B]

On 10/7/2024 at 8:18 AM, Marka said:

... But yeah if he is always that busy I wouldn't want to date him.

TBH I am leaning towards moving on here, just curious now if he will find time or flakes. 

No reason not to be setting up simple drinks or coffee to meet new people on your way home from work a few times a week. You can tell within 15 to 20 minutes whether you have enough in-person chemistry to go on a real date with someone after that.

Anyone who isn't willing to meet in person to check one another out right away isn't exactly seeking a relationship. So if you're relationship material, just move on from that person and avoid wasting your time.

[Acacia98]

On 10/7/2024 at 2:06 AM, Alpacalia said:

Why is that? Just curious. 

I imagine it could be cheaper to buy data and use it to call and message on WhatsApp than to call and message using a regular phone plan.

[Alpacalia]

4 hours ago, Acacia98 said:

I imagine it could be cheaper to buy data and use it to call and message on WhatsApp than to call and message using a regular phone plan.

I suppose. But I imagine that's only if you have access to free Wi-Fi? If you're using your own cellular service data, it may end up being more expensive. I suppose it depends on your data plan.

[brandonkothell]

Identifying red flags can be crucial in assessing relationships and situations. It’s important to trust your instincts and recognize behaviors that seem off. Having open conversations about concerns can help clarify things. Being aware of these signals is key to protecting your well-being!