Touche Posted January 5, 2006 Share Posted January 5, 2006 I've been wondering what other people think of this. If a woman is a stay-at-home wife/mother and her husband works full-time, do you think the husband should be obligated to help with any household chores? (By the way, same question would apply in reverse if it's the husband who stays home.) So what does everything think? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted January 5, 2006 Share Posted January 5, 2006 I would rather my future wife not stay home but if she does then yes he should help clean up as well. I don't see why cleaning is such a bog deal anyway. I get my house clean in 2 hours and I have had women compliment me on how nice my place looks. Housework does not have to be a big deal. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Touche Posted January 5, 2006 Author Share Posted January 5, 2006 I would rather my future wife not stay home but if she does then yes he should help clean up as well. I don't see why cleaning is such a bog deal anyway. I get my house clean in 2 hours and I have had women compliment me on how nice my place looks. Housework does not have to be a big deal. Guess that depends how well you clean and how big a place you have. It can take longer than 2 hours and besides there's laundry, food shopping, cooking, taking care of kids, etc. etc. But anyway, that's not the point. You're saying that a husband should help around the house? Why? Just curious. Why do you think he should help around the house. Isn't that her full-time job? Can you clarify? Because my question wasn't what type of wife you prefer (stay-at-home or working). No. I really want to know what people think as far as whether the husband (or working spouse) should be doing any house chores? And why or why not? Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted January 5, 2006 Share Posted January 5, 2006 Guess that depends how well you clean and how big a place you have. It can take longer than 2 hours and besides there's laundry, food shopping, cooking, taking care of kids, etc. etc. But anyway, that's not the point. You're saying that a husband should help around the house? Why? Just curious. Why do you think he should help around the house. Isn't that her full-time job? Can you clarify? Because my question wasn't what type of wife you prefer (stay-at-home or working). No. I really want to know what people think as far as whether the husband (or working spouse) should be doing any house chores? And why or why not? Yes he should do chores. It's his house as well. I realize I have no kids but Cleaning takes 2 hours and I only shop once a week unless I really need something or get a craving. Laundry I can just put on and come back in 45 minutes. To me if both people live in the house it is both their job to keep it up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Shana Posted January 5, 2006 Share Posted January 5, 2006 I see it this way. If you are a stay at home mom and your husband brings home the paycheck then hell yes, you should have that house spotless! And perhaps a dinner on the table too. He should not be expected to do anything but pay the bills and care for and spend his time with his child. I am a women saying this. I have no kids but tell you, if I did I would not accept being a stay at home mom while my husband goes and gets the bread and butter. Not fair and child care is child care for a good reason. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Touche Posted January 5, 2006 Author Share Posted January 5, 2006 Interesting Wog. So he should sometimes clean floors and do dishes then? Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted January 5, 2006 Share Posted January 5, 2006 Interesting Wog. So he should sometimes clean floors and do dishes then? Yes. I don't believe in the woman doing all the housework. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Touche Posted January 5, 2006 Author Share Posted January 5, 2006 Ok, thanks Wog. Anyone else care to weigh in on this? Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted January 5, 2006 Share Posted January 5, 2006 Yes they should help with chores/housework. I'm a stay at home wife/mom. My husband works full time and he helps me out. Theres alot of men/women that think that if they work outside in the world, that once their foot hits the door home they have no other responsibilites. However, if you're in a marriage and especailly have kids as well, then yes the chores/housework should be shared. Stay at home mothers/fathers have a job too, that never ends, they work 24/7, even though they may not get a paycheck and don't punch a time clock. Just my 2 cents. Jade Link to post Share on other sites
bab Posted January 5, 2006 Share Posted January 5, 2006 Obviously the majority of the day to day stuff the stay at home wife/mom is going to take care of during the day, but he H still needs to help out in the evenings, i.e. dinner dishes, etc. I firmly believe that the H should take the majority of the responsibility for evening duties with regard to the kids. He hasn't seen them all day, and young kids are gonna go to bed a few hours after he gets home. He should be feeding them dinner, giving them their baths, and putting them to bed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Touche Posted January 5, 2006 Author Share Posted January 5, 2006 Very interesting responses, guys. Thanks! Would love to hear from the working parents too. Thanks again! Link to post Share on other sites
Lil Honey Posted January 5, 2006 Share Posted January 5, 2006 I stayed at home with my last child for nearly two years. (I did have part-time jobs to feel more like I was contributing.) I did as much of the housework as I could. I would get the kids to help with age-appropriate activities since they should learn how to care for their space and learn responsibility as well. Hubby would take care of what yard work I didn't do and he would do any maintenance. He is a good Mr. Fix-It. I think that both people should put forth an effort to get things done in order to have time to spend with each other. I think that each person should do the chores that they are good at or if someone hates the vacuuming and the other doesn't mind it, then that can be a deciding factor in who does what. Link to post Share on other sites
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted January 5, 2006 Share Posted January 5, 2006 I think that specifics should be discussed as if it were a full time job for the SAH-mom. If I stayed home, I would do the basic household chores such as laundry, vaccuming, dusting, bathrooms, but I would also expect that he cleans up after himself, putting his clothes away, helping with meals and dishes and maintenance around the house (man's work!) lol It's a partnership. I remember once hearing Dr. Laura say that the chores should be split based on household income...what a load of crap! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lilmoma1973 Posted January 5, 2006 Share Posted January 5, 2006 I also am a stay at home mom and totally believe that when the man comes home he should spend time with the kids and help out !! Some men and women think that cause they work a job that that can clock out of their job at work ,and leave the stay at home person do everything else!! I think that when they come home they should help with putting them the bed!! Is it really that much to ask especially when it is only for a few hrs before the kids are off to bed!! I guess what i am trying to say that you should work together isn't that what a marriage is a partnership!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Touche Posted January 5, 2006 Author Share Posted January 5, 2006 I see it this way. If you are a stay at home mom and your husband brings home the paycheck then hell yes, you should have that house spotless! And perhaps a dinner on the table too. He should not be expected to do anything but pay the bills and care for and spend his time with his child. I am a women saying this. I have no kids but tell you, if I did I would not accept being a stay at home mom while my husband goes and gets the bread and butter. Not fair and child care is child care for a good reason. Shana, thanks for your input. I just didn't get one thing. What do you mean you would not accept being a stay at home mom if you're husband is working? You think BOTH parents should always be working and a child needs to be in daycare? Just curious...not sure I understood. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Touche Posted January 5, 2006 Author Share Posted January 5, 2006 I think that specifics should be discussed as if it were a full time job for the SAH-mom. If I stayed home, I would do the basic household chores such as laundry, vaccuming, dusting, bathrooms, but I would also expect that he cleans up after himself, putting his clothes away, helping with meals and dishes and maintenance around the house (man's work!) lol It's a partnership. I remember once hearing Dr. Laura say that the chores should be split based on household income...what a load of crap! MWC..I used to listen to Dr. Laura..agreed with her a lot but not always of course. What did she mean by splitting chores based on household income. Not sure I understand. Does she mean if both make the same money, split chores equally but if one makes 70% of combined income and the other 30% then one the one who makes 30% should do 70% of the chores? Is that what she meant? You said that's a load of crap but you're basically saying that the person who stays home should do pretty much all the housework (I'm not counting the man's maintenance work) except for maybe helping with the dishes sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Touche Posted January 5, 2006 Author Share Posted January 5, 2006 I also am a stay at home mom and totally believe that when the man comes home he should spend time with the kids and help out !! Some men and women think that cause they work a job that that can clock out of their job at work ,and leave the stay at home person do everything else!! I think that when they come home they should help with putting them the bed!! Is it really that much to ask especially when it is only for a few hrs before the kids are off to bed!! I guess what i am trying to say that you should work together isn't that what a marriage is a partnership!!! Yes, of course it's a partnership but it can be argued that he's fullfilling his part of the partnership by paying all the bills, can it not? Link to post Share on other sites
lilmoma1973 Posted January 5, 2006 Share Posted January 5, 2006 Touche ,I see no reason that they help out with the dishes , especially if you cook ,clean wash clothes, and bath and get the kids ready for bed!! My h enjoys helping with the cooking ,he loves to cook ,and i tell him that i will do it!! While my h was off for Christmas and New Year's he did more than iuse to!! I was so glad cause i was recovering from being sick during Christmas!! I think every little bit helps even the small things!! Then that makes me happy and he gets more sex also!! :lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 5, 2006 Share Posted January 5, 2006 I've been wondering what other people think of this. If a woman is a stay-at-home wife/mother and her husband works full-time, do you think the husband should be obligated to help with any household chores? (By the way, same question would apply in reverse if it's the husband who stays home.) So what does everything think? I think that he can pick up the slack at times. There is no reason why he can't help out abit. I wouldn't make him wash the floors, vaccuum and stuff, but doing daily routine things like wash or dry dishes, put them away is just considerate. Don't think just because a man works all day long that he can come home and not lift a finger. Wives aren't slaves and aren't meant to just serve their husbands. I do think though having dinner ready to go is a nice thing. I'm not working full time right now, but when I was we both did everything. Now I do most of the cleaning, he does the laundry most of the time but that's because he likes doing it! (yeah weird eh!) I'm lucky because he isn't one of those men who feels it's a womans job to do all the housework. If I cook, he'll gladly do the dishes. Sometimes I say don't worry about it, other times we do them together or he'll just do them. No big deal actually. That is something that has never nor will be an issue in this house. We don't fight or nitpick about those things that do or don't get done around the house. Link to post Share on other sites
lilmoma1973 Posted January 5, 2006 Share Posted January 5, 2006 Yes' date=' of course it's a partnership but it can be argued that he's fullfilling his part of the partnership by paying all the bills, can it not?[/quote'] Yeah i hear that when he is wanting to blow money !! I don't mind if bills are taken care of and then if there is money to play then im ok with it!! My h thinks cause he brings home the bacon ,he can do whatever he wants with it!! What do we stay at home parents get ?Maybe we should request money for our duties so we feel that we are appreciated!! I made this statement to my h and he didn't have anything to say ,but a blank look ,sure took him by surprize!! We have a job too ,where is our reinbursement!!! Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted January 5, 2006 Share Posted January 5, 2006 To me this would depend on whether we're discussing a Stay at home Mom, or just a Stay at home Wife! The stay at home mom I would feel probably deserves more help - raising children is a tough job. If you're simply a stay at home wife, then i think you probably have enough time on your hands to not expect your husband to necessarily do much. Although I'm quite old fashioned and would expect him to cut the grass/clear the gutters, and do the 'mens work'!! Link to post Share on other sites
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted January 5, 2006 Share Posted January 5, 2006 MWC..I used to listen to Dr. Laura..agreed with her a lot but not always of course. What did she mean by splitting chores based on household income. Not sure I understand. Does she mean if both make the same money, split chores equally but if one makes 70% of combined income and the other 30% then one the one who makes 30% should do 70% of the chores? Is that what she meant? You said that's a load of crap but you're basically saying that the person who stays home should do pretty much all the housework (I'm not counting the man's maintenance work) except for maybe helping with the dishes sometimes. That is exactly what she meant! So my thinking, what happens if both partners are in the same profession, and one makes $120,000/year say with the government and the other makes $80,000 and works for a non-profit organization and they both work hard for 8-10 hrs a day? So, the lower paid income earner has to do 30% more of the housework (excuse my math LOL)...I don't think so which is why I disagreed with Dr. Laura. If a woman is staying at home with her kids, there isn't time for her to do ALL the housework. Kids need her attention which is why she is staying home. Yes, you can throw a load of laundry in, but may not have time to fold it. You can take something out for supper and plan the meal, but may not always every day have time to cook it. You can pop a DVD in for the kid and clean the bathrooms, or do this while the kids are napping if they are younger. But not 100% of the household duties should be on the SAH mom and this needs to be discussed and worked out ahead of time as to how much is reasonable and what is expected. I would get frustrated if I was working and came home every day to a disaster household if my partner was staying home all day. How about drawing up a contract? There is a marriage contract, so why would it be any different from that or an employment contract? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Touche Posted January 5, 2006 Author Share Posted January 5, 2006 I think that he can pick up the slack at times. There is no reason why he can't help out abit. I wouldn't make him wash the floors, vaccuum and stuff, but doing daily routine things like wash or dry dishes, put them away is just considerate. Don't think just because a man works all day long that he can come home and not lift a finger. Wives aren't slaves and aren't meant to just serve their husbands. I do think though having dinner ready to go is a nice thing. I'm not working full time right now, but when I was we both did everything. Now I do most of the cleaning, he does the laundry most of the time but that's because he likes doing it! (yeah weird eh!) I'm lucky because he isn't one of those men who feels it's a womans job to do all the housework. If I cook, he'll gladly do the dishes. Sometimes I say don't worry about it, other times we do them together or he'll just do them. No big deal actually. That is something that has never nor will be an issue in this house. We don't fight or nitpick about those things that do or don't get done around the house. Funny my husband loves doing the laundry too! I thought he was the only person on the planet! You say: "Wives aren't slaves and aren't meant to just serve their husbands." But couldn't he say the same? I mean how are you a slave if he's working all day and bringing home a paycheck and paying for all your bills? By the way, it's not an issue at all in my home either. Not at all. I will reveal why I'm asking this question when I get a few more responses. I just wanted to remain neutral for awhile on this. I'm really surprised at the answers though for the most part. Very, very interesting to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Touche Posted January 5, 2006 Author Share Posted January 5, 2006 Yeah i hear that when he is wanting to blow money !! I don't mind if bills are taken care of and then if there is money to play then im ok with it!! My h thinks cause he brings home the bacon ,he can do whatever he wants with it!! What do we stay at home parents get ?Maybe we should request money for our duties so we feel that we are appreciated!! I made this statement to my h and he didn't have anything to say ,but a blank look ,sure took him by surprize!! We have a job too ,where is our reinbursement!!! Isn't your "reimbursement" that you have all your bills paid for? Meals, roof over your head, etc. etc. Link to post Share on other sites
lilmoma1973 Posted January 5, 2006 Share Posted January 5, 2006 Funny my husband loves doing the laundry too! I thought he was the only person on the planet! You say: "Wives aren't slaves and aren't meant to just serve their husbands." But couldn't he say the same? I mean how are you a slave if he's working all day and bringing home a paycheck and paying for all your bills? By the way, it's not an issue at all in my home either. Not at all. I will reveal why I'm asking this question when I get a few more responses. I just wanted to remain neutral for awhile on this. I'm really surprised at the answers though for the most part. Very, very interesting to me. I have wanted to make a post on here about this type of thing ,but figured i would get bashed so never did! You be surprized how many women and men stay at home feel they are treated fairly about this situation !! Link to post Share on other sites
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